The Latent Sentinel

BARELY ALIVE 1

Ethan POV:

It’s dark, it is always dark in here. This is my life; gloomy, dark, and lifeless. Every day I pray to die, but my pleas go unanswered. I have no hope left in me. All I do is wait for my unforeseen death angel to approach me and free me from this world. Maybe in death, I will finally find a refuge. A solace from my dark thoughts and pain.

I am trapped in a dark dungeon. I wanted to crawl out at the beginning, but now all I want is an end to this painful existence. The hopelessness is creeping in. Fresh air and sunlight have become a rare concept, as the stone gates haven’t been opened in months. I have been here for a long time, months if not years. I tried keeping track of the time initially, but soon hope kept slipping away from me. I am locked in here and no one will ever help me escape this hell. For the first six months, I kept counting the days and hours, but slowly the hope died out. The light of my hope disappeared. Then the warmth from the fire of hope was extinguished. My family is not going to let me out. I thought this was just a way to punish me, but this was more. I underestimated them. They can hold a grudge, and I learned it the hard way. I destroyed their perfect plan, and they will kill me for it.

I was supposed to be married to a noble mistress for status. They wanted her for the power her family holds, but my family members are not good people. They are corrupt and greedy, so I decided to tip the girl's family of their intentions. I outrightly rejected her. I have no idea what happened after that, but I can imagine. It wouldn’t be anything good if my parents had locked me in this dungeon for all this time. I haven’t been fed for a few months now.

When I hear the creaking of the door and the dungeon doors open slightly, I wake up panting. I am sweating and panting, gasping out of breath. That nightmare again. It haunts me daily. The fear of that dungeon never went away. I still feel the darkness deep within me. It is abiding its time and waiting to be unleashed.

The same bloody nightmare. I have been tired of living like this. Reliving the same horrible memory over and over again. But it seems to haunt me more and more. It’s been twenty years since I ran away from the villa, yet the dungeon holds me a prisoner. I was fifteen at that time, but even after all these years, I am still tangled in the memories of my horrid past. The darkness still haunts me. It weaves a web of darkness and deceit around me. It taunts me and reminds me that I can’t be happy. That I would never find the love and happiness that I have been looking for throughout my life. It leaves me hollow.

For the first time in my life, I felt safe and protected in this pack. I have found love and friendships, something I thought I would never have. I look at the morning sun breaking through the cloud covers in the distance. It was still early in the morning, so I got up and got ready to run back towards my little house. I have to get ready for my morning perimeter run and training, then I will be ready for the day jam-packed with appointments. The patients need help. Even before I can blink, hours go by. The day goes by as usual and at the end of the day, I send Nina home early, closing the clinic on my own, so I can get something for tomorrow. If someone found this, they would probably kick me out of this place, but I have no choice. I have to do this; this is the only way. Ignoring my own self-conscience, I walked out and headed towards my home.

Zoe has dropped food on the front porch, I eat some and shift in my backyard. Argus is ready for his nightly patrol duties; he is my panther. He is midnight black with a lean and slender body. He has glowing molten gold eyes which can make an enemy weak in his knees; he easily blends into the dark forest running towards our place. As soon as I get near her cottage, we climb up and stay there guarding her through the night. I smell her lavender and eucalyptus scent, and it instantly warms my cold heart. It calms me down; it removes all the stress from my tiring day. It gives me the reassurance that I greedily need, she is here. Just being here gives me some peace of mind. Only when I am perched here as Argus, do we feel something other than pain.

The pain from the rejection is all-consuming. We have learned to live with rejection and the constant pain that accompanies me for the last twelve months. But here, so close to her, I can finally find some peace and rest for the night while Argus guards her.

I am a good person, that’s all I believe I am. I hope it's the truth. I have done everything in my power to be a good person and do things that will help me atone for the sins of my past. I wanted to absolve all my sins by doing things that helped someone. But maybe I am not good enough for atonement. I am drowning in the darkness all alone and there is no one here to save me.

I have been alone for as long as I remember. But I am not so alone anymore. All the kids in this pack have become my family. This strange and lovely pack not only saved my life but gave me the love I needed. I craved for it, but I am not worthy of it. It gave me a sense of belonging which I never felt before. But due to my darkness, I keep them away from me. I want to protect them from myself.

When I hear the first song of the morning bird, I know it’s time. I have to go back before she wakes up. After I ran back from the forest, I got dressed in my white coat and walked towards the clinic, mentally preparing myself for the tiresome day. It is just a stone away, so I don’t have much time before I am bombarded with the endless chaos of my daily life.

My cottage is closest to the clinic, in case there is an emergency. It’s a small open-plan-rustic-looking thing with blue shutters and blue windows. Zoe painted them to give my life some colors. Only a few people know my story. And Zoe is one of them. She doesn't even know everything. Only that I was alone before I came here. I have never found the courage to tell my whole story to a living soul. She has treated me as her own child, and she guided me when I was lost. All the alphas know too, if we ever have a threat from my family. They know enough, but not everything. I don’t want to tell anyone; they would look at me differently if they knew what and who gave birth to me. I don’t want anyone to associate me with those monsters. I just hope that day never comes when they find me. I cannot risk my pack; they are lovely people who have worked hard to become strong individuals.