Troubled

TEN

CORA PHILLIPS

I couldn't get some sleep last night, not even a wink, I cried or tried to, because I couldn't even find the strength to cry, I was not strong enough to cry, only strong people cried.. only people cried, I was not a person, I was a monster, a terrible mistake, something that should not have happened.. I wished I could disappear forever, it would make Mom really happy, I was not sure about Dad anymore after what happened last night, but if it would make me happy if he hated me like mom did, if he didn't, then I will forever hate myself, I would not be able to live with myself. After deliberating on just stabbing myself to death, or waiting till they could not handle me anymore, and they kick me out or something, I decided to just exist, I only meant something to Cory, so just existing would make him happy, existing was the goal now, to just exist.

I walked to the bathroom, stood in front of the mirror, what was the use of all this beauty if my family hated me, if I hated myself, why was a monster like me gifted with such beautiful appearance? I looked at my eyes, they were very beautiful, surrounded by deep circles obvious signs of my sleepless night, my lips were small and chapped, I touched them, they didn't feel like the lips of a monster, my hands didn't look a monster's, why didn't I come with a tail and a set of horns to make it obvious that I was a life stealing monster? I sighed, removing my clothes and getting under the shower. I scrubbed myself till I was red and raw, trying to get rid of the feeling of guilt that was eating me up. Finally giving up, I turned the shower off and walked to my closet, I picked a black hoodie, and a black skinny jeans. I wore my black converse shoes and started out of the house.

I had woken up early to avoid everyone at home. I didn't have the courage to face them. I didn't want to face them, when I get back, I will go for therapy with her, make her happy, exist. That was the plan.

I stuffed my hair in the hoodie and pulled it over my head, I stuffed my hands in my pocket, and walked out of the house and into the road. I didn't want to get on the bus or take a taxi, I wanted to walk and clear my head, and also look around for things so I could draw them later. As I walked slowly, face down, I saw a leaf. I don't know why it attracted me, maybe because it was different. Among the others on the floor, it was the only one spotted in black. It was green like the others, but it was spotted with black. Just like me, I was normal, but my demon made me different. I picked it up, deciding right there that I was going to sketch it, draw it and paint it. It deserved that much.

Walking to school, it was almost empty, because who would come to school by this time, only the cleaners and security guys that were around. I walked inside a classroom, sat in the darkest part, skillfully blending into the darkness. I took two deep breaths to congratulate myself on getting here safely.

I took out my drawing pad, and began to draw the leaf, carefully, and skillfully drawing every stroke, bend, curve perfectly. I wanted to show that the imperfections of the leaf, could as well be its own perfection. I made sure the black spots were enunciated, not making it look terrible, but making it seem like that was the highlight, like every other leaf that didn't have it was supposed to cower in fear.

A loud speaker jolted me, breaking my concentration. Whenever I drew, or sketched or painted, I was in my own little world, in a world where only I existed. I sighed, peeping through the window to see a huge truck with speakers. I squinted to see a huge banner on the truck. I couldn't see it well, but I saw an old lady shouting into a microphone. She was waving and shrilling in a very dramatic manner.

Suddenly someone rushed in, it was a boy, he sat by the window, and I shrunk back into the shadows, wide-eyed. I didn't expect someone else to be there with me.

He pulled out his phone and reported to the police about the old lady. From the way he sounded, I knew he was lying. I squinted to get a better look at him, he looked familiar. Too familiar.

Soon the place quieted, and his phone rang.

"Hey Grandma." He said tiredly.

I couldn't hear what his grandma said, I briefly wondered if the old lady was his grandma.

"How do you know it was me?" He asked. I felt bad for eavesdropping, but it was not exactly my fault, he was the one that came in here when I was here first.

"It was not me, many students are learning here, I am sure they don't like being distracted, like me, I don't. So please go home." He said.

Ahhhh! I was right, it was his grandma. The call ended, he looked annoyed, and he stormed out of the classroom, I knew he didn't know I was here. I blinked when I heard the bell ring, I packed my drawing stuff into my bag and walked to my locker, as I exchanged the books for the ones we had today I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey Friend!!" Xander said.. almost shouting.

I exhaled deeply,

"Hey Xander." I greeted less cheerily.

"Oh look! We have art classes together right now!" He said glancing at the books in my hands.

"Yipppieee." I said sarcastically.

He pouted, "don't be like that, I am fun trust me."

"Art class is one of the few classes I actually enjoy here, don't ruin it by making too much noise." I told him as we walked to the class. He nodded excitedly.

"You love art or?" I asked.

"I love art.. I make art.. but I don't know.." he said rubbing his head.

I nodded at him.

"Hey what was the commotion coming from outside?" I asked him.

"You missed it??" He asked wide eyed.

I nodded. He whipped out his phone to show me a blurry picture. But I could make out the words; CONGRATS ON GETTING INTO HIGH SCHOOL GRANDSON!!

"Get this, he is in our grade!!" Xander exclaimed laughing.

"Then?" I asked, wondering what was up with mystery boy and his grandma.