Troubled

EIGHT

CORA PHILLIPS

"if you won't go.. you would never be able to see Cory ever again."

That line repeated itself in my head for the dozenth time. I blinked to clear my head, I knew what was coming, I didn't want it to come, but it pressed forth, like it wanted to break free. Tears sprung from my eyes, because I knew what was coming, and I couldn't stop it. I turned to walk away, to leave the presence of my parents, for their safety. The world tilted under my feet, I held on to the couch so I would not fall, I tried to focus my eyes on something else, I couldn't. I saw my dad in a warp, like his face was contorted into different shapes, he was bent over me, asking if I was okay, but everything sounded like I was submerged under water.

"Cora! Are you okay??" He asked. I barely heard what he asked. I was still struggling to keep the demon in me at Bay. I willed dad to leave my side, to make it easier for me, so I won't hurt him or myself. My eyes found mom, she sat on the couch, arms folded across her chest, looking away. And for once I wanted dad to be like that too..he should look away, he should leave, I opened my mouth to tell him to leave me alone. I felt a-splitting headache, I screamed as I held my head, I couldn't stop it anymore, it was here, until it goes away... I was not in control of my body. Dad still hovered around me, worry etched into his features. I cried silently, not because of the terrifying headache, or the way mom would gloat about how right she was to me later, but because my dad would definitely be hurt, and I couldn't save him. Just like I couldn't save skit.

The first time I was hit by the turbulence, I was with my pet rabbit skit. Skit was the only friend I had, mom had gifted it to me, because she saw how lonely I was, I loved skit with all of my tiny heart, I always fed it on time, made sure to take it to the park with me whenever mom took me there. But one day, someone called me names at the park. She said my beauty was a mask for my demonic nature. I got very angry, just as angry as I was when Mom threatened that I would never see Cory ever again. The headache hit me, I screamed, and held my head with one hand, then an image of skit being flung against the wall with force flashed in my mind, in that image I flung skit over and over again against the wall, by the time I was done, I was breathing heavily, and I checked skit, it was not breathing, it was like a bloody, rag doll someone had thrown away. Immediately, the image vanished. I checked around for skit. I couldn't find him. I cried and cried. Mom later came to find him for me. We found him just like I saw in the image that flashed, skit was dead.

For days to come I couldn't shake off the feeling of killing my only friend, my best friend. It was terrible. I couldn't eat or sleep well, I had nightmares for weeks, and after about two years, I could live with myself again. I closed my eyes without skit flashing in my eyes, I could sleep without dreaming that I laughed as I flung skit.

And now, I got angry again. I had the turbulence again, I couldn't even help it, it was like someone had control over my body, I didn't know what I was doing, but I was sure mom would never believe me, and if anything should happen to Dad because of me, I was very sure she would put me up for adoption.

"Dad.. please..run away from me.." I whispered weakly. Just before, an image flashed before my eyes, an image of me taking a knife from the knife block, and walking towards an unsuspecting dad, and I plunged the knife into his chest over and over again. He looked at me with betrayal in his eyes, and blood pouring out from the multiple wounds, and from his mouth. He fell to his knees and that made the image to disappear.

Dad was cradling his wounded against his chest by the time I got myself. I looked around breathing heavily, a knife in my right hand, my dad sitting farthest away from me, his eyes wide and scared. Mom beside him crying and nursing the wound. It was not so deep, but the gash was long, like he blocked it and dodged last minute.

My throat was dry, tears formed in my eyes, I tried to blink them away but they didn't go.

"I am so sorry Dad.." I said going close to him, he winced. I stopped right where I was. A part of me dying. Mom cried louder, I was scared she was going to wake Cory. I felt weight in my right hand, I saw the knife was still in my hand. I threw it away immediately. I wanted to run away, and never look back, but how can I run? When I was the monster, i sat on the floor, wrapping my hands around myself, wondering why I was born, if I was only going to harm everyone around me. A sob racked my chest.

"You are dangerous to everyone around you!! You are a monster!!" Mom cried.

I didn't even have the strength to feel bad, I knew I was a monster, I knew I was dangerous.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." was what I kept whispering over and over again.

"You are sorry? You are sorry?" Mom scoffed, but kept a safe distance away from me.

"This won't do.. you will go to the psychiatrist, or you go to the asylum.. you pick." She said bandaging dad's wound.

I looked at dad, this would be the time for him to tell her to stop..but I was sure he wouldn't. He looked away from me, not making a sound, I guess he didn't expect it.

I ran out of choices. I didn't want to be in an asylum, and I didn't want to see any psychiatrist, but I would have to see this Miss Suzy... Not because mom wanted it, but because I desperately wanted..no needed, her to help me.