Troubled

TWELVE

MARIE PHILLIPS

1970.

The weather was nice, it had always been. I was the type of person to be very sentimental about things like this, so I hoped that this year, I would be among the young ladies to get married. I had hope that I would get married too, that everyone would stop talking about it in the town and everywhere I went. So that everyone would stop pitying the poor orphan that could not get married no matter how she tried.

I knew of my beauty, I knew how beautiful I was, it was no news, everyone that saw me said it, female or male alike. Back in high school it was something to gloat about, then in college it was something that caused many of my friends and I to drift apart. It was either I was just too proud or they were jealous.. Either way, many of my friends did not stay for too long.

One would think, with a beauty like mine, I would get married easily to any man of my choice. But the reverse was the case. No matter how I tried, they did not stay. I didn't understand how, but they all left gradually. It got to the point where I started to struggle to get men. Funny how my story changed. They were coming in flocks when I was in high school, then all of a sudden, as if someone snapped their fingers, all of them disappeared. All of my former friends who used to get jealous of me, all got married. It was just me, only me left. The poor orphaned girl, who no man wanted.

My parents had passed the year before I graduated from high school, in a fire accident. But I pulled through with the help of my boyfriend that time. Before I could get into college, he broke up with me. Even if I was sure we were going to work, he wasn't ready.

Suddenly every man started leaving, even before they came, they left. I had begun to lose hope, even tried being a career woman, so I won't feel like something was wrong with me. I still wanted to be loved and get married.

Soon the whispers started, the rumors generated, it started to get to me, even if I pretended it didn't. I started going to church regularly, praying fervently for a husband. But my prayers weren't reaching heaven, or they were being ignored, because I never got one.

1975.

Five years later, heaven remembered me, the weather was nice, but I was not so sentimental anymore, I didn't care, I just said, "if it is meant to be, it will be." And carried on with my life, working a five to six job, to distract myself, and fool myself into thinking I didn't need any man. For a while I believed, and the rumors stopped too, I became the career woman I fooled myself into believing.

The weather was really nice the morning I went to my favourite cafe to get my daily dose of caffeine. I got in and noticed the change in the barista. This one was short. And not so easy on the eyes. As he saw me, he stared for full two minutes, I was used to it, I couldn't complain anymore. He apologized sloppily, and got me my coffee, he did a very lovely smiley latte art on my coffee, as a token of his apology. It was cute, I tipped him.

From that day henceforth, he made different latte art, once it was a cute wink, the other time a leaf, then his initials. Then he made his intentions known, and asked me out. I honestly didn't date his type, but beggars couldn't be choosers.

Soon enough I had fallen in love with him, he was kind hearted and everything, and he soon scored a job with a big company.

1976.

He proposed, and I said yes, we got married, it was the talk of the Town and it made me the happiest person to walk the earth, I was finally getting married, to a guy that loved me, with everything he had, I was very grateful. I loved him with everything I had inside of me, I was so happy I flaunted the wedding ring everywhere I went, my old school mates had a reunion, I went there waving my hand so all and sundry would see that i, was a Mrs now, I would no longer be considered different. I would dramatically wave my hand in the air as I talked, making sure the sunlight reflected on the ring. I would come home to my husband and thank the heavens for him.

Everything was going perfectly, until a child refused to come our way, it bothered me, but not my husband, I was extremely bothered. He would say I always mind what people think, and I should stop minding them, but how could I when everyone my age were already half way done with giving birth?

My husband thought it was our neighborhood that was giving me the unnecessary anxiety, so we moved, thankfully, his work allowed him to transfer to another branch, as did mine.

Soon I felt it, the first symptom of pregnancy, I was shocked, I couldn't believe my eyes, so I went to the doctor, he told me the same thing, then I couldn't believe my ears. I told my husband and we had a big feast, even invited our former friends, they came, awed about the news of my pregnancy. I guess they didn't want to believe I could attain everything they could and more.

The pregnancy was hard, the doctors said it was not a normal one, therefore my life and my husband's life were on hold, because I didn't want to risk it. We didn't want to risk it.

On the ninth month, I went through hell and back trying to bring forth another life form into this world, and after about two hours, I saw my baby, my first child, my girl, my baby girl. I cried, my husband cried, a nurse in the room with us cried, but my baby didn't. The doctors beat her, but she just stared. They said she was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen, I guess she got my beauty. My husband held me, as I held her, we looked at the life we had created, it was our product, somehow we created another life. We named her Cora, her father choose the name.

The doctors feared she would be dumb, but I didn't believe it. When we got home, a few months later, my Cora said "Dada". I smiled, I could not birth a dumb child.. my child would be very normal. Or so I thought.