Troubled

THIRTY SEVEN

CORA PHILIPS

I think about what he said. It was correct. Actually he hit the nail on the head far more accurately than I would have liked. It was like he knew that I held back on the fear factor hoping to God that it won't scare me as much as my life did. Maybe if my drawings were only grotesque and not scary, my life wouldn't be so scary. I could control the fright in my life.

But I did want to capture the hearts of the scouts, I needed them to be hooked on my drawing and never look back, no second thoughts, no let's discuss it and get back to you.

"I'm sure you have tons of questions about me, I do have mine about you."

I scoff as I make the first strokes.

"You must think you're a celebrity or something, why would I have tons of questions about you?"

He laughs quietly.

"Can I sit here? I'm having a hard time not peeking into what you are doing."

I don't want to think about it too much, so I wave my hand in the air. He must have understood because I hear him plop down on the bed.

"You're doing it again." He accused.

"Deflecting, I thought it was a coincidence, but I'm starting to think you do it all the time. You should tell Miss Suzie that as well, she will fix you up immediately."

I know he is teasing me about Miss Suzie thing, but he was serious about the deflecting thing.

"I have my own questions about you as well."

I make another stroke, I know what I was drawing. I could only hope the emotion shone through.

"See? I knew it, you can start with your questions though."

I blink, I didn't know what to ask him first, they were a lot of questions I could ask.

"Who forced Miss Suzie on you?" That was what I finally chose to ask. The most random question ever.

He chuckled a bit.

"My Grandma, she made a fuss the other day at school, and threatened to continue if I don't attend. I couldn't let that continue so I had to go."

I remember that day so vividly, it was shocking. My mouth pulled a little to the corner, he didn't even know I knew everything.

"My mom forced to me to go, she threatened I would never see Cory again. You of all people should know I can't live with that." I tell him as I start to shade. I had to change pencils for that.

"Ouch, that's messed up. Using her child against the other."

I want to defend her, say it wasn't her fault. But I realize there were other measures she could have taken. Like I don't know, not bring a woman to whip her child. The memory stung, and that's why I continue to shade the whip, making sure to add all the details that will cause the wound I will be drawing later.

"You, I didn't ask you that, you answered on your own, so I still have a question to ask you."

I almost chuckle at his defense.

"Yeah yeah, carry on."

"We are answering honestly right? So answer honestly. Will you be in school tomorrow?"

I want to laugh at his choice of question, but that's how my own question was random too.

"I don't know honestly, I don't want to be a bloody mess in the school hallways."

"Meaning Xander and I might skip school again tomorrow."

I snort.

"Like you were thrilled to learn in the first place."

He laughs again. The boy loved to laugh so much.

"It's my turn. Why did you quit football?"

I hear him suck a breath through his teeth. That was the one question everyone wanted to know. The coach, the school, the national team that were looking to scout him, everyone in the school except me. Then I thought, no I comforted myself with the thought that he also had natural disasters, and had to stop before he was ruined before everyone.

"Ripping off the band aid eh?"

I actually don't know if it qualified as that, it did happen a few months ago, maybe six, seven months ago?

"Don't answer if you don't want to." I tell him honestly.

I had finished with the whi, it was poised in the air, raised to create another gash. As I look at it, I could almost feel the sting. I start with the bursted flesh underneath.

"Nah, it's fine, be prepared though, you don't know what I will be asking you. Anyway, I stopped because, I don't know how to explain this without sounding like a whimp. When I started football, I did for fun. I loved it as much as I loved myself. I loved watching the sport on television, my dad isn't the sports type, but he took me to games. Bought me the outfit, when I was old enough he put me in the children football club. I never did anything else but play.

Then I started to get recognized, I loved it. I thrived it, especially when I started to see myself in newspapers. I loved that.

I started to play for teams outside the state, they would borrow me since I wasn't on any team yet. But I wasn't playing for fun any more. I was playing for whoever could pay. It sucked the love I had for it, I started to detest the smell of sweat on my jersey I used to call sweat of victory. I detested the feeling of gear on my head. Nothing was right anymore. I had to stop before I hated the game altogether."

I turn to look at him, he sat crossed leg on my bed, he looked pained, his lips pinched together. I quickly look away.

"And nobody understood you." I whisper.

The school was bombarded with press so much they had to barricade the school, then reporters pretended to be students. We had to start showing our I.D's before we were allowed to go in. Everyone talked about it, I thought it was stupid to be honest.

"Yeah, I didn't explain much though, I couldn't tell them this. They were sure to call me a wimp."

"But you weren't, you were only protecting your interest. Nobody would have cared about you anymore if you could not play, they would move on to the next big thing, they only cared about business, not what they used to make business."

He paused for a minute. For some reason I paused drawing too. I looked down at the drawing, I had done so much in such little time. I had covered the entire gash, I just needed to add length to make it look like an arm.

"You are the first one to understand that. Ever."

I started to draw once he started speaking again. Weird.

"The rest of the human population are doofuses."

He laughed again. It made me smile.

"What is the real reason you visit Miss Suzie? It has to be huge if your own mother used your brother to get you."

I knew he was going to ask that sooner or later. But where was I supposed to start explaining myself from?

I drop my pencil, stand from my drawing table and walk to him. I plop down beside him, starting with the less complicated one to explain.

I pull out the blue contacts from my eye and look at him with my mismatched eyes.