Troubled

SIXTY

KYLE GARCIA

I don't know what to do. I always take precautions when dealing with Cora, not rushing into things like I would do with other people. So why on earth did I lean in to kiss her? Did I even want to kiss her? I haven't subconsciously thought about it. Have I? I mean she is the most attractive girl I ever met, she was sweet, she intrigued me, I liked being near her, I wanted to be a better person for her.

Oh shoot. I think.. I think I do like her. For how long? I mean I worry about her, I do care about her. I feel angry whenever I think about her mom or someone else hurting her. I always wanted to be by her side. I liked watching her. You'd think I'd know that I have liked her for a while but I didn't have a clue. Maybe because I haven't liked anyone in a very long time, or maybe because I didn't think of it as love rather as.. actually, I'm not exactly sure what I thought it was.

But my body had to open my eyes, my body told me of how much I did like her, even if my mind had no clue. To think Ray and Dawson actually said it then and I thought they were over reacting.

When her hand touched me, like a needy kid, I wanted her to do it again. But voicing it out would be stupid.

I felt a surge of energy when I remember that I do actually have feelings for this girl, who knew? Ray and Dawson maybe. Not me. I liked her. My insides dance with excitement. I liked the feeling of liking someone. I liked the feeling of liking her. Unlike with others, like my first crush in elementary school, I wanted her to like me back, I did everything in my power just for her to reject me. I was fine with waiting for her to come to me herself, I was content with sitting beside her while she came to me herself.

She taught me patience, and with her, I was going to exercise it.

Her head rolled to the side and fell on my shoulder. I tense a bit. Somehow knowing I liked her made a difference in how I was relating with her, if our skin made contact in the past, I wouldn't have tensed, I hoped it wouldn't affect how I treated her. I hoped she wouldn't notice either, else it'll scare her off.

"Are you feeling sleepy?" I ask, talking slowly as if it would quell the erratic beating of my heart.

There was only silence.

"It's okay if you feel sleepy, it's justified, we all had a long day." I try again.

I was met with even more silence. I chuckle, she must have already slept. I take a peek at her face, expecting to see her eyes closed with a peaceful expression etched into her features.

Instead I see her eyes staring straight ahead, unblinking. My heart spiked a bit, I was shocked.

Even if I had seen her this way before, it still shocked me to my core.

That time I had freaked out, but at least now I know what to do, she'd come to in a few minutes. I snake my hand through her back, holding her waist in place. Just so she doesn't slide down.

In all honesty it broke my heart to see her this way. I wish there was something I could do for her, if only I knew what it was, that's the only way to help. By knowing what was wrong.

She stirred after about ten minutes.

"Hey.."

"Hey, I must have scared you again."

She knew she spaced out.

"It's alright, I knew not to freak out at least."

"Thank you for not making it a big deal. Dad would have freaked a whole lot."

I couldn't stop myself from asking, it had to be asked. Even if I was risking it all.

"Can I ask, what all of it is?"

She placed her head on the wall opposite me. My heart sank as I wonder if she was going to close up and not talk but she surprised me, like she always does.

"It's complicated honestly. I can't tell you what it is point blank, because I don't know what they are truly. I only know they have afflicted me all my life, and they ruined me."

She wasn't providing me with much information to work with, but as always, all she needed was time.

"I call them natural disasters. They are disasters and natural. Each one different from the other, their consequences are also different each other. They caused the rift between my mom and I. We were always close, well before it began. Few years after it started, she took me every where, tried everything to get rid of them. But she changed when nothing worked. She gave up."

The realization came to me that her mom was trying to get rid of the disasters, she wasn't trying to hurt her.

"Did you get a professional diagnosis?"

She chuckled a little.

"Yeah, but none of them knew what they are talking about. One thing about the disasters."

She turned to give me a meaningful look that sent shivers down my spine.

"They aren't psychological, they are not my imagination. I don't have another personality. I don't know what they are but I'm sure about one thing, it isn't psychological."

The two of us keep staring at each other before I pull her into a hug.

"It must have been hard struggling alone with all that. I'm here for you now."

She was rigid for the few seconds, it had me debating if it was too soon. When I want to release her, she hugs me back.

"Thanks."

"You're pretty creative, natural disasters?"

She chuckled.

"It fits just right. Nothing else seems right."

I release her and look into her eyes.

"You have me now, we'll do it together."

"It can get dangerous Kyle, remember Margaret?"

"And I'm still here, I won't leave. Let's do this together."

She looks at me like she is about to cry.

"I have an idea, what if we tried to get to know it?"