Troubled

THIRTEEN

CORA PHILLIPS

When school let out, I hurriedly went outside, I didn't want Xander to follow me. I went out of the school gate, only to find mom there. I blinked confusedly, mom had not come to my school in ages, she looked so odd standing here. She had not sighted me yet. So I just stood there, wanting deceive myself that she was coming from work and decided to pick me up from school, and that she would smile and ask me how school was, and I would tell her about the guy who called the police on his grandma, she would laugh and tell me they had a weird relationship. I would ask how work was, and she will tell me about her boss who tended to behave like someone who needed a break from the world. We would laugh and get ice cream for Cory, and get dinner, maybe Chinese or pizza.

But reality was harsher, because she came here, to remind me that I needed to see a psychiatrist. Or maybe she would take me there herself, without bothering herself about my day. I swallowed the lump in my throat. Because I know our old relationship would never come back. The one where I was her world, where she would do anything for me, now I was certain she would do anything to get rid of me.

She looked tired, like really tired, I wanted to go up to her, and hug her, till her problems disappear, but how would I do that when I was the problem. This was the perfect time for tears to fall from my eyes, but they didn't. Curse them. From the corners of my eyes I saw Xander coming out, I sighed, guess I couldn't keep stalling for as long as I wanted. I pulled my hoodie lower, so my face was hidden from everyone.

"Hey Mom." I said when I got to her.

She used her palm to shield the sun, and peered at me closely.

"I parked the car at the side, let us go." She said once she recognized me. No greetings, no pet name. I just nodded, and followed her. We got to her car, I sat at the back. It was awkward enough, I didn't want to suffocate from the silence.

She started to drive away from the school, I closed my eyes. I wondered what Ms Suzy would be like, would she be patient with me? Would she be scared of me? I was sure everything she was going to say would be something she had already said to someone before me. Smiling fake smiles, giving me fake motivation, making herself feel better by deceiving herself and my mom that she was getting through to me.

"Did you already eat? I don't know how long it will take." Mom said suddenly. I was left speechless for a while. Then I remembered it was part of her duties, nothing too personal.

"Yeah, I had a cheese sandwich for lunch, I'm not hungry." I answered monotonously. I saw her nod.

The rest of the journey was silent, but inside my head was not. I thought of different things all at once. I didn't want the Ms Suzy to say something that will trigger the turbulence. I really really didn't want to go to the Ms Suzy. If something happened to her on my account, what do I do?

I closed my eyes and sank into the seats, day dreaming of the day that may never come, the day I would be normal again. The day, that I would be happy, genuinely happy, not momentarily, but for a long time. I shifted in my seat when Mom hit the break unexpectedly. I opened my eyes to scan the area, it looked like it needed re construction.

"Sorry, I braked too hard." Mom said, not sounding sorry at all.

I looked around the place, it didn't look like something humans lived in. It was small, the air was musty, the road was littered with dirt. Ms Suzy would really have business if she was working here, because everyone here must need a psychiatrist to vent on once in a while.

Mom found a spot to park her car after many tries. We got down from the car, and stood in front of a building that looked like a health hazard, and should not be existing. It was looking like any small breeze it would topple over.

"This is where she stays?" I asked in disbelief. Mom nodded. If she was the best as mom said, why didn't she have a better place, what if someone dies while coming here to get help? I didn't want to trust her, because she lived in a health hazard. But I was more dangerous, so I just went up, winging it. If mom saw I tried, maybe she would let me stop coming here, or I could get better. But I doubted that, a trained psychiatrist would only be able to do as her profession had taught her, nothing more.

As I climbed the stairs ahead of mom, I tested each stair, so mom could use it too, slowly but surely I got to the top.

"Knock." Mom ordered. And I did.

A woman that looked like she was in her late twenties opened the door, smiling brightly.

"Come in please." She said making way for us. I nodded and got inside, it was really small. What kind of best in her field worked in a cramped office, I couldn't even sit properly on the only sofa in the room. With a table in front of it.

She went behind her desk, still smiling.

"Good day, Ms Cora, and Mrs Phillips. I am Ms Suzy, I am a therapist and also a psychiatrist, but I really hope you consider me your friend." She said looking at me when she said the last part.

"Thank you Ms Suzy, I will leave her in your able hands now, see you later!" Mom exclaimed dashing off.

It was obvious she had been itching to leave. I turned to Ms Suzy with a blank look, she smiled.

"We have some one else joining us, I hope you can exercise patience enough for him to come." She said smiling. I just nodded. She busied herself with her old computer, while I just stared at the faded motivational posters and peeling walls.

A knock on the door jolted me out from my world, as I looked up, I saw the boy from earlier with his grandma behind him. My eyes widened, his widened too.

Was he a nut case too?