Troubled

TWENTY NINE

CORA PHILIPS

My eyes glued to Miss Suzie's forehead as she spoke. I hoped for time to run by quicker but it doesn't, of course it won't, the universe never listens to the girl with natural disasters living in her.

When she mentions the pairing exercise I almost bite her head off, no jokes.

"Let's start with you, Kyle. What's on your mind?" Miss Suzie asked. She was still beaming. For a psychiatrist she was terrible at reading the room.

Even a blind person would know that there was tension between Kyle and I. It was intense, cackling, waiting for one of us to c***k. I could pick up the tension threads with the tips of my fingers, I don't know why she didn't see it, maybe she chose to ignore it. Chalking it up to mere teenage scuffles.

If only my life were that simple. I think.

I feel Kyle's eyes burn holles into the side of my head, but I don't dare look him in the face, maybe I was still mad at him, maybe I wasn't.

"Apologies. Misunderstanding. Overreacting."

I don't know if he said those words to me to try and understand him, or he answered Miss Suzie's therapy question.

"Good. I like that you didn't force it out, you said the truths. Very well then. I would like for you to write who you're apologizing to, why you're apologizing, on a sheet of paper. Hand it to me before you leave."

I don't check to see if he nods or not, but I don't hear him speak so I assume he nodded.

"And you Cora? What is on your mind?"

"My brother." I say without missing a beat.

Miss Suzie smiles encouragingly.

"This brother of yours is pretty famous around here."

I almost say he is the only good thing around here but I hold back.

"Why is he on your mind Cora?"

I look at her in amusement.

"He is always on my mind."

She nods as if she understands me.

"Write down on a piece of paper why he is always on your mind, and give it to me before you leave."

I don't know what to write, but I figured I'll just write how much he means to me before submitting.

"Good, now for the group session. I want you to know to know something, everything that goes on here has to be confidential. Is that okay?"

I refuse to look at his face, instead I focus all of my energy on miss Suzie's forehead. I was sure she was feeling it burn but she was too kind to say anything.

"Everything shared in this room, remains in this room. None of it, I mean none can be discussed outside. Am I clear?" Her voice was much sterner this time.

"Yes, we understand. We both have something to lose if we go around blabbing what we heard here." Kyle sounded annoyed.

Miss Suzie smiled.

"Very well. I want you two to look at me, and admit why you're here, admit that you have a problem."

I roll my eyes, I had done this so many times that I was familiar with the process, that was the first thing they usually did.

"Oh come on, don't just sit there looking at me, we can't move forward if you don't admit it, the work starts with your mind. It's okay to have a problem and admit it, everyone has one, the difference is, you need to admit it to yourself and to those.."

"I have a smoking problem." Kyle cut her short.

Thank God, because I was getting tired of her droning on and on. But it got my attention, his lips were plump and pink. No indication that he smoked, and all the times we were together, he never did smell like smoke.

"Good. Wonderful, that was great." She beamed and gave a little clap.

I don't see his face but I was most certain he was rolling his eyes.

"Have you seen a professional for it before?" She asked him.

"No, it's my first time."

She beams like he said he was giving her something rare.

As much as I like the fact that he caught her off, it was my turn to speak now.

I know they are looking at me, Kyle must be itching to know the reason I was here, like the first day we met here, I itched to know if he was a crazy.

"I admit I have a problem. But it doesn't have an official name." I say as detached as I can.

"Have you seen a professional for it before?"

"More times than I can count."

She pinched her lips in thought.

"Okay. I would like you to share what you expect from this sessions."

Kyle snorts,

"What if we were forced here? Do we have to expect anything?"

"Yes, goals are set to be reached, to challenge, and to move forward, you need to have a clear view of your goal.."

"To stop smoking. And please stop launching into one of these speeches, they give me a headache." He sounded irritated.

Miss Suzie chuckled a bit.

"If they help make my work a little easier, I won't be stopping soon."

"I want to be okay.." I say quickly.

"Very well, since our goals have been set. I would like for you to cooperate with me from on henceforth to achieve these set goals. We have just three months to achieve them."

I nod. Obviously she had her hopes, all of them usually did in the beginning. Until they can't deal with me and it ends.

"Does anyone have any contributions? Questions?"

I stay silent. I know it works, just obey, do what they want, the three months will be over soon, it won't work and you'll go back to not knowing about the said therapist ever again.

"What if it doesn't work, after three months?" Kyle asked, I know he was taunting her.

She laughed care freely.

"Oh don't you worry your little head Kyle, I'm certain it will." There was a smile on her face. It was cryptic, it held something. Like she knew something and wasn't letting on.

"That's all for today. See you on Friday!" Her chirpy self was back.

I scrambled to my feet only to be pushed back down. My head, it was here again.

This was the once in a blue moon one.

I spaced out.