Troubled

FIFTY SEVEN

CORA PHILIPS

There are two beds in Nana's room, I don't know the reason for the second bed, but today I was grateful for it. As she slept not so silently on the one by the window, I laid quietly in the dark, tossing and turning, the sheets were not silk neither were they soft, but they weren't the reason for my being wide awake.

I couldn't sleep. And it's not by choice. My whole body ached but my mind was still not tired. It kept revising the events from today like I wasn't there when they happened and they wanted to give me all the details. My head was also starting to hurt, I needed the sleep.

When I tossed for probably the fifteenth time, I am done, I don't want to do it anymore, besides I was probably going to have a dream about everything that happened earlier.

Giving up on the sleep, I quietly tip toe out of the room and into the living room. The lights were already switched off, probably the work of dad, he was big on electricity conservation.

I find my bag pack on one of the couches where I left it earlier, I needed the things inside of it to draw. The dining area had a bulb over head, so I decide to draw there.

My drawing sheet was in front of me while I fiddle with my pencil. Was I ready to document what I had done? I could forget all about striking someone's face, but putting it on paper could make it last longer. Hell, it will last longer after putting it down. It's could become an evidence, an evidence that could be used against me. But if I didn't draw it, it would be harder to fall asleep, if I did it would haunt my dreams, appearing every time I closed my lids.

I start with the my wrist, the one that held the scissors. Making sure to add every little detail, I noticed the details were what held the emotions Kyle always talked about. But it was hard, it was extremely hard to go beyond that. Like someone sapped all of my creative juices out of me.

"Why are you up?"

I Yelp involuntarily as I wobble on my chair.

"Whoa, whoa, easy." He held my shoulders in a firm grip as he steadied me.

"Where did you come from?" I whisper harshly while looking around to see if anyone came out because of the rockus Kyle and I just made.

He chuckled lightly before pulling a chair opposite me and plopping down. My heart was still racing from his earlier stunt so I place my hand flat against my chest in an attempt to quell the over active heart.

"From behind you, I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I even made noise, I guess you were too focused to hear me."

My eyes roam his face, well his hair first, it was all over the place, like he had run his hand through it more than once. His eyes looked tired, usually they were always smiling or laughing. I felt a pang of guilt tug at my heart, he was spotting the tired look because I ran away, now he was sleeping in some old granny's house that he hadn't met before today.

I look away before the guilt shone through me.

"Looks like you couldn't sleep either." He commented with a nod of his head.

"Yeah.. today was.." I thought of a word to describe it, finding none I stick with.

"Eventful." Lame, I know.

He chuckled.

"You could say that."

His eyes fall on the sheet of paper in front of me, I'm tempted to squeeze it into a ball and chunk it out of his reach, but I don't, I let him see it. After all, he saw the real thing.

"You're not done yet." He commented after dragging it closer to himself.

"Yeah.."

"Because you didn't hear my voice?" He said with a slight smile.

My eyes widened a fraction, I had forgotten about his hold on my drawing life, that was why I couldn't draw beyond the wrist. The scissors wasn't even finished either, just the part of the grip.

"Yeah, I guess so."

He nodded.

"Then it's a good thing we are both awake. I can be here for you."

"Did you do it while I was gone?" I asked tentatively as I take the drawing paper back from him.

"Yeah.. actually. More than I'm going to admit to anyone. I was so frightened, worried, my thoughts were all over, I needed to be calm if I wanted to find you, so I gave in. It's harder to resist when you're not around."

I don't say anything. I just continue drawing. The boy was so different from who I thought he was in the beginning, when I first knew him. I judged him too quickly, which was a terrible thing to do seeing as he was right here.

"My birthday is on its way." He says out of the blue.

I pause my drawing before looking at his face.

"Really? When?"

He grinned at me like a child. I continue to draw.

"In a week, a week from today. Do you want to get me a present?"

I scoff but make a mental note to remember it.

"As if."

He laughed a little.

"I always have a party. I'm not sure about it this year, but if I do, will you come?"

Parties meant crowds. I didn't do well in crowds. I never did. I might hurt someone. Or be a loner there.

"Xander will be there if that's what you're thinking." Though he says it as if he was sure that's what I was thinking about.

"I won't be staying long. I'm sure it's a night party. I don't do well in crowds, much less one with alcohol and loud teenagers."

He grinned again.

"Then that's enough for me. I promise, you won't regret it."

Like every of the promises he had made to me, I believed him.

"Imagine what Miss Suzie would say when we show up on Monday."

I wrinkle my nose.

"Can you guess what she will say?"

He nodded.

"For missing a day, both of you will reflect on your actions and write on a sheet of paper how sorry you are, give it to be before you leave."

That earned a little laugh out of me.

"Oh not only that, you'll sit opposite each other and tell everything you've ever gone through."

My laugh was a little louder this time. And louder the next, until we were shushing each other to avoid waking everybody else. I liked laughing with Kyle, I felt no pressure to be who I was not. I was myself, and it felt so good.

"Here." I say quietly as I pass it to him.

His eyes roamed over the drawing slowly, my heart pounded in my chest so hard in fear that he would talk about Margaret. Or tell me I was a monster.

Instead he says.

"Cora.. this is really cool."