A Shadow of an Illusion

Chapter 13

It’s been a week since we had our ‘wedding’ and it’s been a week since something is bugging my mind. Hindi lang ‘yong pag-uusap namin ni Grim ang bumabagabag sa isip ko. Pati na rin ang pag-uusap namin ni Erebus kinabukasan matapos ang ‘kasal’ namin.

I know, I shouldn’t have done it, but I could not find a way for him to stop doing something that could cost the lives of the people in the dungeon, or everyone else in particular.

Napa-buntong hininga na lamang ako nang maalala ko na naman ang nangyari noon...

I woke up early that day, or should I say I did not get any sleep at all because of too much thinking. Masakit ang ulo ko at feeling ko, umiikot ang paningin ko. I cannot even focus my gaze on something because of the dizziness that I am feeling.

Yeah, sleepless night is not really for me. Sobrang sakit kasi ng ulo ko dahil lang hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos kagabi. I shouldn’t have think so much, but I couldn’t help myself from doing so. Lalo na at ang daming tumatakbong tanong sa isip ko.

Naghikab muna ako bago ko ginawa ang dapat kong gawin ngayong umaga, at inayos ang dapat na ayusin sa sarili ko, pati na rin sa kwarto ko.

Luckily, the maids were the one who organized my things inside this room. Pati na rin ang gown na ginamit ko kahapon, at ang accessories na kasama no‘n, ay kanilang inayos sa walk in closet na nasa loob ng kwarto ko. Kaya naman wala akong masyadong kailangang ayusin sa loob ng kwarto ko.

Ayoko ring gumalaw at gusto ko na lamang mahiga sa kama ko buong maghapon dahil parang hindi talaga kaya ng katawan ko na gumawa ng kahit ano. I feel so tired and I just want to lay on my bed, thinking of nothing in particular, because really, I don’t have an energy to do so.

I feel like I don’t want to go out anymore, and I don’t want to talk to somebody, but as usual, the fate is not on my side because I heard someone knocking on my door and it looks like he or she was in a hurry because of the constantly knocking on my door.

“Wait!” I shouted, irritated because the knock is still going on and on.

Pinilit ko ang sarili ko na tumayo at maglakad papalapit sa pintuan ko kahit na tinatamad talaga ako. Kung sino man ang nasa kabilang bahagi ng pinto ko ngayon, siguraduhin lang niya na may sapat siyang dahilan para pagmadaliin akong buksan ang pinto ko.

In no time, I reached the door, still complaining in my mind because that person behind the door just ruined my already bad morning.

“Kung sino ka man, siguraduhin mo lang talagang may dahilan ka para patayuin ako sa kama ko nang ganitong ka-aga!” Pagbabanta ko sa kaniya.

I opened the door at the same time I said that, and I groaned when I saw the expressionless Erebus and he looks like he was about to knock again when I opened the door.

Gusto ko sana siyang pagsaraduhan ng pinto pero nasisigurado ko na wala rin namang magandang mangyayari kung gagawin ko ‘yon, kaya naman sinamaan ko na lang siya ng tingin.

“What do you want now?” I asked him.

I did not even bother to remove the annoyed look on my face as I asked him that, because really, he already ruined my very bad morning the moment that he constantly knock on my door. Wala na talaga siyang ginawa kung hindi ang inisin ako at mukha namang hindi siya affected sa pagka-inis ko sa kaniya.

“Is this always your mood every morning?” he asked me as he tilted his head as if he was curious about me.

Pilit akong ngumiti sa kaniya at sinabing, “No, you just ruined my morning that is why I am acting this way.”

HIs expressionless face was back when I said that. “You are really feisty even if it was just early in the morning.”

i let out a laugh then I glared at him right after. “Don’t you think it is so early in the morning for you to bug me?” I asked him.

Alam ko, dapat ay tumatahimik na ako ngayon pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong sagot-sagutin siya. Masama na nga ang gising ko, mas pasasamain pa niya ang araw na ‘to. And I am really not in the mood to talk to him right now. i don’t have an energy to do so.

“I am here because I wanted to talk to my wife, isn’t that too much to ask?” he asked me that made me stop.

I let out a snort when he said that. Ayan na naman ang linyahan niya na hindi ko alam kung saan niya ba nakukuha. As if that would make my mood good, it was the opposite. I got even more irritated.

“What do you want to talk so early in the morning?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

Wala talaga ako sa mood para gumawa ng kahit ano, at isa na roon ang pakikipag-usap sa kaniya na alam ko namang mauuwi rin sa pagtatalo naming dalawa. Kailan ba kami nagkaroon ng maayos na pag-uusap? Wala ata akong matandaan na nangyari ‘yon. And I will make a grand party if that day would come.

“Why don’t we have a talk inside your room?”

HIndi na niya hinintay pa ang sagot ko at nauna na siyang pumasok sa kwarto ko na para bang pag-aari niya iyon. Well in this case, this room is technically his because after all, I am staying inside his palace.

Great. Now I am back at contradicting myself. Nagiging hobby ko na ata ang pag-kontra sa sarili ko kapag kasama ko siya. And I am sure as h*ck that this is not normal. If this is a sign of craziness, might as well leave this palace sooner rather than later.

Nakita ko siyang naka-upo sa isa sa mga sofa na naroroon, kaya naman umupo ako sa upuang katapat no‘n. I make myself as comfortable as I could because after all, I know that this ‘talk’ would be long, because our ‘talk’ was always long, kahit na ang ginagawa lang naman namin ay ang inisin ang isa’t-isa.

“So, ano ang pag-uusapan natin ngayon? Para naman magkaroon ako ng oras para makapag-pahinga.”

Mukhang nakuha ko ang atensiyon niya nang sinabi ko iyon dahil nakita ko ang paglapit niya sa akin at tinitigan ang mukha ko. Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa ginagawa niya. Now what? Magtititigan lang ba kami rito?

“Didn’t you get a good sleep last night?” he asked me and I almost laugh because of the worried look on his face.

I scoffed at him as I said, “Don’t act as if you are worried about me, because I know that you are not.”

Because of what I said, he took a proper sit on his chair again, and his expression became nuetral again. Hindi na ako nagtaka na gano‘n ang inakto niya, because really, it was so out of character for him to act as if he was worried over something.

“So what do you really want to talk about right now?” I asked him again.

Gustong-gusto ko na talagang matapos ang pag-uusap na ‘to para na rin makapagpahinga ako ng kahit konting oras man lang, at para na rin makalayo ako sa kaniya, dahil ayoko talagang makita ang mukha niya ngayong araw. He already ruined my morning, and I don’t want him to completely ruin my day.

“One of my knight said that you ordered them around yesterday.” Pagsisimula niya sa usapan naming dalawa.

Napataas naman ang isang kilay ko nang sinabi niya iyon. Yeah, I clearly rememebered that I ordered his knight to bring those ten people back in the dungeon. And I clearly remembered that Grim step up and said that they should follow what I told them to do.

With that thought I told him, “Yeah, ginawa ko nga iyon.” Tumango-tango pa ako at hindi itinanggi ang sinabi niya.

Wala namang mawawala sa akin kung gagawin ko iyon ‘di ba? Grim agreed after all. It was enough reason for the knight to follow what I said, right? Or maybe in his perspective, it was wrong to order his knights around without him knowing.

“Is there something wrong about it?” I asked him.

He just shook his head and then he started to think. “No. It’s not. I am just shock that they followed what you said to them.”

I frowned at him and then I decided to tell him the truth. “Ang totoo na‘n, hindi agad nila ako sinunod. Someonejust step up so that they would follow my orders,” I told him.

HIndi ko alam kung bakit, pero feeling ko kailangan kong sabihin iyon sa kaniya kahit na hindi naman ako obligadong gawin iyon. And I am sure that I am not under any kind of spell because I could immediately feel that if that is the case.

“Really?” he asked me so I nodded my head at him.

“Yeah. Your butler, Grim, step up and told the knights to do what I said, and they immediately followed him,” I explained to him and he looks so interested about this.

“That explains why they followed you,” he mumbled to himself that made me raise my eyebrows. Mukhang napansin niya ang titig ko sa kaniya dahil binalingan niya ako bago siya umiling. “It’s nothing.”

I frowned at him again, not really believing that it’s nothing, but I just let it go. Wala rin namang mangyayari kung kukulitin ko siya. Alam ko rin namang hindi niya pa rin ‘yon sasagutin kaya naman bakit pa ako magpapakapagod na kulitin pa siya? It was just a waste of energy on my part.

“Is that all you wanted to talk about? Because I am really tired right now. I wanted to sleep,” sabi ko sa kaniya makalipas ng ilan pang mga minuto na tahimik lang kaming dalawa.

“No.” Umiling siya sa akin.

Umayos ulit ako nang sabihin niya iyon. “Then what do you want to talk about?” I asked him.

Hindi na ba talaga matatapos ‘to? Pagod na talaga ako at feeling ko, ano mang oras mula ngayon, basta na lang babagsak ang talukap ko at makakatulog na lang ako basta-basta.

I shook my head to wake myself up. Mukha kasing mas matagal pa itong usapan na ‘to kaysa sa inaakala ko.

“I don’t like the way you acted on our wedding yesterday,” diretsahang sabi niya na naging dahilan para tumingin ulit ako sa direksiyon niya.

“Is this what you wanted to talk about?” I asked him in disbelief.

Mukhang malaking issue para sa kaniya ang inakto kong pagpigil sa kaniyang patayin ang mga inosenteng taong iyon. Pa‘no ko naman hindi gagawing malaking issue ‘yon kung sinabi niya sa akin na isa iyong regalo? A gift that I never asked for.

“Yes,” he said with a neutral expression on his face. “I don’t like you to interfere with my plans. And what you did to our wedding, it was unacceptable.”

I laughed as if I could not believe that he was telling me this. Hindi ko alam na sa kaniya pa talaga manggagaling ang mga katagang iyon. Hindi ba dapat ako ang nagsasalita nga gano‘n sa kaniya? Because after all, he did not fulfill his part on our deal.

“What you did is unacceptable too,” I said. Akmang magsasalita pa siya at alam ko na mangangatwiran lang siya kaya naman inunahan ko na siya sa pagsasalita. “And don’t you dare try to b*llshit me because I already have enough.”

He smirked at me when I said that. And his looks, it seems as if he was challenging me to continue what I wanted to say that I gladly do so.

“Nagkaroon tayo ng deal. At alam kong sinabi ko na ang deal na iyon ay hanggang noong pinapatunayan ko pa ang sarili ko sa‘yo, but is it not fair that you have to do something like that in the middle of our wedding? You are really unbelievable,” I said then I scoffed again.

“They deserved that,” sabi niya na parang normal lang sa kaniya iyon.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin bago ko sinabi, “No one deserves something like that. No one deserves to be killed like a pig in front of everyone. Do not try to reason out your wrongdoings because I will not acknowledge it.”

“Who are you to tell me that?” tanong niya sa akin, at alam kong nagagalit na siya pero nagpatuloy pa rin ako sa pagsasalita.

I have to do this. Kung ito ang paraan para masabi ko ang lahat ng kamalian niya, gagawin ko iyon. Kung ito ang magiging dahilan para ma-realize niya ang lahat ng ginawa niya sa mundong ito, then I will gladly tell him and point out everything that he had done up until this day.

“I am no one,” I told him as I looked straight into his eyes. “Pero may karapatan akong sabihin sa iyo ang lahat ng ginawa mo rito at lahat ng pasakit na ginawa mo sa mundong ito. At kasama na roon ang pagpatay mo sa mga inosenteng tao.”

“They are not innocent,” he told me. “They have done something that was against my rules.”

“Really?” I asked him as if I don’t believe him, and he nodded his head at my question. “Then care to tell me that ‘something’ you were talking about?” I challenged him.

I even leaned closer at him at umaktong parang interesado ako sa isasagot niya, pero lumipas ang ilan pang mga minuto, tahimik lamang siya at parang nag-iisip kung ano ang dapat niyang isagot sa tanong ko.

I snapped my fingers as if I figured something out. “See? Wala kang maisagot sa tanong ko dahil wala naman talaga silang ginawang masama sa‘yo. You are just being a b*stard who wanted to kill someone innocent without any basis.”

“Stop this already,” he said but I still stood my ground.

I shook my head at him as I said, “I won’t stop, and never will be.”

Hindi na siya naka-sagot nang sabihin ko iyon. Nanatili lang siyang naka-upo at tahimik na para bang nag-iisip siya nang sasabihin sa akin, ngunit lumipas na ang ilang mga minuto, hindi pa rin niya magawang magsalita o sagut-sagotin ako.

Hindi kagaya ng dati na kapag sa ganitong pagkakataon ay may nakahanda na siyang salita na sasabihin niya sa akin. It seems like I hit a nerve that made him shut his mouth and he could not find the right word to say, which is really unusual for him.

Inalis ko ang pagtataka sa isip ko at nagpatuloy na magsalita. “If this happen again,” I said that made him look at me as if he snapped out of his thoughts. “If I heard that you wanted to kill someone innocent again, I will not hesitate to leave your side,” I added.

I know that threat is lame. I did not even know if he would be afraid of it or not, or if he would ever feel that emotion called fear, but I still told him that.

I stood my ground and threaten him with that, because I thought that fear that I saw in the dungeon when I threaten him that I would kill myself if he ever did something like that again, it was a genuine fear, and so I thought that this might work for me, even if I did not intend to leave his side anytime soon.

After all, I still have a mission to accomplish, a goal to have, and I still have to get the freedom that he took away from this world.

Tinitigan ko siya nang mabuti matapos kong sabihin ‘yon, pero hindi ko makita kung ano ang expression ng mukha niya dahil naka-tungo lamang siya sa akin. Mukhang mas lumalim pa ang pag-iisip niya dahil sa sobrang tahimik niya.

At dahil mukhang wala siyang plano na umalis o gumalaw man lang sa kinauupuan niya, ako na ang nagpasiyang umalis ng kwarto na iyon, kahit na ako ang kwarto na ‘yon ay ang tinutuluyan ko sa palasyo na ito.

“Then, I will leave you alone here,” I said as I bowed my head even if I don’t have to do it.

Tumayo na ako at tuluyang umalis ng kwartong iyon. Hindi rin niya ako hinabol o ‘di kaya naman ay pinagsabihan na hindi pa kami tapos mag-usap, na ipninagpapa-salamat ko naman dahil kailangan ko ring makahinga at makapag-pahinga kahit na konting oras lamang.

Pagkatapos noon ay hindi ko na ulit nakita pa si Erebus, at hindi niya na rin ako pinuntahan sa kwarto ko, hanggang ngayong araw. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari sa kaniya pero sa tingin ko ay pabor sa akin na ganito na lang ang lahat.

I mean he is minding his own business, and I am doing the same. Though, I still does not have enough information yet, at least I can move freely without anyone bothering me.

Napansin ko kasi magmulo no‘ng araw ng kasal namin, wala nang mga kawal o ‘di kaya naman ay mga tauhan niya ang naka-sunod ng tingin sa akin. Though some of the maids and knights that I have met are looking at me from time to time, it is not like before that they are watching even my slightest move.

Naririto ako ngayon sa palace grounds at plano ko sanang makipag-usap kay Hemera, may gusto kasi akong itanong sa kaniya, at may gusto akong ikum-pirma sa kaniya. Isa na roon si Grim.

Hanggang ngayon, naguguluhan pa rin ako sa katayuan niya sa palasyong ito. Parang ang hirap paniwalaan na na-brain wash siya dahil base sa obserbasiyon ko dati noong hindi pa sinasakop ni Erebus ang mundong ito, isa siya sa pinaka malakas na namumuno rito. Isn’t it odd that he would easily be brain washed by Erebus?

I sghed again because I started to think of things and I know that I will not have a great day ahead if I continue on doing that. Though, I could not help but to think of Grim, and at the same time of Erebus, and it makes my mind hurt.

Akala ko, iyon lang ang iisipin ko ngayong araw na ‘to, pero nagka-mali ako nang makita ko si Hemera na na-takbo papalapit sa akin. And what she said made my heartbeats raise, and my mind started thinking again.

“Erebus planned to burn a whole village, and he does not plan to leave any villagers alive!”