Alpha Caius

Harmony: Renewed Torture Every Day

Every day feels like torture ever since Ryker passed away. My gaze slants towards the right side of the bed that has been empty ever since he left me…

How long has it been since he passed? 2 years? 3 years? But it feels like forever to me. To live and move on when your mate has passed is like living in a personal Hell that the Moon Goddess has suddenly decided to create for you.

People said that when you lose your mate, you feel as if someone has ripped off a piece of your heart and you can never find it again. They were right and somewhat wrong. Ryker’s death felt as if someone had stabbed me in the heart with a knife and done so several times. For me, it felt as if my heart was ripped into so many pieces that it was impossible for me to feel anything, any emotion, after that event.

I could still feel emotions. Unfortunately, I could feel the sorrow, the grief, the pain, and the anguish. I could feel anger and regret. I could feel everything even though I wanted to feel nothing. I wanted to go numb.

My body aches from the phantom pain. I rub my chest to ease the dull ache. It won’t ease the pain I know. My gaze falls on the photo that hangs on the opposite wall of Ryker and me smiling at our mating ceremony.

My eyes grow misty, but I blink back the tears. I said I won’t cry. I promised him that I would carry on ruling his pack on his behalf.

“But I am failing,” I whisper in the confines of our room. I press the heels of my palms to my eyes to keep my tears at bay. I wish Ryker hadn’t gone to patrol that night. I wish he hadn’t…

The sobs leave my lips anyway. I am tired of everything. I want Ryker to come back to me, to wrap his arm around my shoulder and pull me into a hug. I want him to whisper words of reassurance that he will be there for me; I let out a shaky breath. There won’t be anyone to reassure me, not now, not ever. I am by myself.

“C’mon, Harmony. You got this,” I murmur aloud, and reluctantly get off the bed.

~~~~

“Alpha, today you have a meeting with the Moonstone pack and Elder Gracia,” Gweneth says as she flips through the day's schedule. I push back the half-eaten breakfast and stand up. Gweneth gives me a pointed look, which I ignore.

“You cannot just-” she protests when I begin to putter around the room, physically and mentally preparing for today’s meetings.

“I will live, Gwen,” I murmur as I wear the maroon jacket that matches the same colored trousers and contrasts with the white formal shirt. They hand loosely on my shoulder, but I deliberately overlook it for putting on light makeup, enough to hide my dark circles and make me look less miserable.

“Go through the agenda once,” I say as I wear the dark maroon lipstick.

“The alpha of the Moonstone pack wants to make a deal with us, to enhance business. They want to strengthen the relations for both our sakes.” I refrain from chuckling. Strengthen the packs, my foot. They want just want to acquire this pack somehow.

I slip on the pencil heels. “And Elder Gracia?”

“I… don’t know,” Gwen murmurs hesitantly, but I do. I let out a sigh.

“Let’s go.”

~~~~

[Daily Alpha Caius Report: He is sort of well. Still half-pining after Luna Kathryn and hunting for Deimos.]

Lorcan’s text arrives as I am about to enter my office. My lips tug up. I type a hasty reply as Gwen opens the door for me.

[Good. Keep him busy. If he remains idle, he will overthink…]

Lorcan instantly sends back a thumbs-up emoji. With that, I turn my phone on silent mode and start work.

~~~~

“Luna, if you kindly go through this proposal of ours,” Alpha Mace hands me bunched-up stapled notes. I eye him warily. I don’t like the way his eyes roam around the office, the way his smile is shy of being shrewd and cunning. He is trying to be guileless, but failing miserably.

I take it and skim through the first page. I am sure Gwen is doing the same as she shifts closer to my left.

“A portion of our territory,” I murmur, glancing up from the page.

“You want to set up your business here? Why should I let that happen?” I place the notes back on the desk and lean into the high-back chair.

“And you plan to pay us only 40% of the share? How is that fair, Alpha Mace?” Gwen asks.

The alpha’s face morphs into something calculative before his earlier smile is back on his lips.

“I mean, we are also planning to hire people from this pack and if our pack relations improve, then we can also think of an alliance…”

I rub my temples because this proposal of marriage in the disguise of ‘business’ has been going on for months now.

“When you truly wish to do business with this pack, please come back then. For now, I would have to ask you to leave,” I say quietly, interjecting him.

His smile slips off his face and the expression that many alphas show after their egos have been bruised comes out. “You think of yourself capable enough to run this big pack, Luna? Let me tell you that your pack members are not happy. In fact, Alpha Ryker’s gamma has been in touch with me and it was he who suggested this. Otherwise, I have no interest in this business. We are pretty well-off. If we merge the two packs, think about-”

Gwen moves forward, stepping and shielding me from alpha Mace. The man is almost twice my age. He has a mate, more than one mate if I am recalling it correctly, and now his eyes have fallen on me.

“Please follow me,” Gwen says menacingly. Alpha Mace knows how to pick his battles because he is not an alpha who likes to break into fights. Gwen is the most capable beta I have the good fortune of knowing, and everyone outside our pack knows as well.

He glowers at me, which I don’t hesitate to return and storms out of the office.

“Business it seemed,” Gwen mutters as she returns after closing the door.

I sigh. “There’s nothing new about it.”

“Anyway, I will meet Elder Gracia tomorrow, maybe. I need to visit Shadow Pack.”

Gwen nods tersely. She knows how much these kinds of confrontation drains me out.

“Also, ask Ambros to please meet me in the afternoon. I need to speak with him regarding the night patrolling and training sessions.” Gwen acknowledges with a nod.

As I am about to leave, she says, “Alpha, you know that Enzo would not…” she trails off. I know her stance earlier was both out of protectiveness and anger. After all, alpha Mace had deliberately involved Enzo, Ryker’s gamma in this.

I turn and smile at her.

“I have faith in you and your mate. I am not about to believe in a stranger’s bullshit just because he knew Enzo was loyal to Ryker.”

Gwen gives me a thin smile, but I can see that she is relieved and grateful.