High School Writing Project Anthology Short Story Collection

You're Only Seventeen - Everything To live For Part 2

"But-" I tried to protest as John touched my sleeve again. In an instant, we were gone from the church and standing in my friend Dawn's kitchen.

Dawn and I were friends for years. I loved her and she loved me. It wasn't romantic love, though. Neither of us was interested in the other one in that way. When I originally thought about killing myself, Dawn was the one person who I thought might be hurt by my death.

Then I remembered how things had changed. We had once pledged "friendship forever," but it was the time between then and forever that had gotten a little shaky.

When Jim came into Dawn's life, she assured me that our friendship wouldn't change. She really believed that too. I knew it couldn't be true, even though I wished it were.

There was no point in arguing with her. Once Dawn made up her mind about something, there was no changing it. Her exact words were, "Boyfriends come and go, but friends are here to stay." I had news for Dawn. Once I aimed that razor blade at my wrist, I was sure to go pretty quickly after all.

John directed my attention towards the partially open door to Dawn's bathroom. I walked closer and saw Dawn standing in front of the medicine cabinet mirror talking to her reflection. "Why did he do it? You should have seen this coming. You were his friend. He trusted you and you let him down.

"You're a rotten, selfish, spoiled brat! You were having fun with your boyfriend that afternoon while your best friend was hacking his wrists with razor blades. How can you live with yourself knowing what you've done? You disgust me. You have to be punished so you'll never be able to let anyone down again."

I couldn't believe my ears. I had never seen Dawn act this way. I always called Dawn "Miss Cool, Calm, and Collected" because she could handle anything. Now she was totally flipping out. She was talking to herself as if she were two separate people.

Dawn wildly swung the medicine cabinet door open. It sailed through the air silently until it hit the wall. The mirror shattered into what seemed like millions of pieces.

Dawn ignored her violent act. She rifled through the medicine cabinet. She knocked plastic bottles and toiletry supplies out of her way until one bottle remained on the middle shelf.

She picked up the prescription bottle and pried the lid off. She dumped them all into her hand and stared at the thirty brightly colored sleeping pills.

John touched my sleeve at that moment and we were gone. We were back at the wooded area where I first met him. "Let me see what happened," I demanded frantically.

"I think that's pretty clear," John said.

"You can't let Dawn kill herself over me. Stop her!" I screamed at him. John didn't move. He didn't even change his facial expression. "You're an angel. Do something! She's only seventeen. She has her whole life ahead of her!"

"How interesting. Only seventeen! I seem to know another seventeen year old with his whole life ahead of him who didn't mind throwing it all away courtesy of the business end of a razor blade."

John looked so smug making his point that I wanted to punch him. However, I figured I was in enough trouble with God as it was. I hardly needed to add assaulting an angel to the list. I settled on simply saying, "I hate you. You think you're so smart, don't you? I'm really sick of you and this morbid game."

He ignored my verbal outburst and told me, "We have one last thing to see."

Before I had a chance to protest, John touched my sleeve and we were standing on a busy street corner. I recognized it as one of the most dangerous intersections in town.

A man walked around the corner bouncing a little boy on his shoulders. The boy pointed excitedly and said, "Look at all the cars, Daddy."

"What are we doing here? I don't know these people," I told John.

"Keep watching," John commanded.

The man and the little boy pushed the walk signal button and waited for the light to turn red. "You have an important job," the man told his son. "You have to tell Daddy when it's safe to cross the street. Do you remember how?"

"Walk picture!" the little boy yelled.

"That's right," his father told him. "When the picture of the little man walking lights up, it's safe to cross the street."

All the traffic lights finally turned red. The walk signal lit up brightly and the little boy clapped his hands and screamed out, "Now, Daddy. Walk now!"

The man and his son stepped off the curb and started to cross the intersection. When they had stepped almost halfway across, a green sports car screeched around the corner. The very terror that made me want to close my eyes forced me to keep them open.

The sports car plowed right into the little kid and his father. The boy flew off his father's shoulders. As he landed on the hood of a car stopped at the light, I heard his neck c***k.

The father was thrown face first twenty feet into the side of a building. As his body bounced off the bricks (if you can call the recoil of a collision between a body and a brick wall "bouncing"), there was a splotch of blood where his head hit the wall.

I don't know how many minutes went by as I stood there helpless and speechless. There was complete chaos as some motorists got out of their vehicles and ran to either of the two victims. Others whipped out cell phones and called for help.

Sirens blared and then police cars and an ambulance appeared. "No pulse," said the paramedic bent down over the little boy.

I turned towards John. "This is obviously an awful thing to happen to these people, but I don't understand what this has to do with me," I stated.

"Watch again," John told me.

Everything instantly reset itself exactly as it had been when we first arrived at the street corner. The only difference being that I was there this time, walking around the corner from the other direction when the man approached carrying his son on his shoulders.

It was so strange to be standing there with John as a third party observer to the whole scene, but also simultaneously seeing myself taking part in the action.

The man and the little boy pushed the walk signal button and waited for the light to turn red. "You have an important job," the man told his son. "You have to tell Daddy when it's safe to cross the street. Do you remember how?"

"Walk picture!" the little boy yelled.

"That's right," his father told him. "When the picture of the little man walking lights up, it's safe to cross the street."

All the traffic lights finally turned red. The walk signal lit up brightly and the little boy clapped his hands and screamed out, "Now, Daddy. Walk now!"

Just then, as I turned the corner, the father and I bumped into each other.

"Excuse me," the version of me in the scene told him.

"I'm sorry. It was my fault. Sometimes it's hard to see where I'm going with this little guy's legs dangling in front of my eyes," the father said while the little boy laughed. "Do you know what time it is?" the man asked me.

"One-thirty," I told him.

As he started to thank me, we were distracted by a sound from the street. The green sports car screeched around the corner and floored it out of sight. "Thank goodness you bumped into us and we stopped to talk. Otherwise, I would have been crossing the street with my son when that jerk came tearing around the corner," the man told me.

John nudged the arm of the version of me that was observing the scene. I closed my eyes to protect them from an all-encompassing blinding light that had appeared out of nowhere.

When I opened my eyes, John and I stood at the edge of the wooded area again. The calm lake and the lush field hadn't changed. The mountains still loomed in the distance.

John looked very serious. He inhaled slowly and began his speech. "My job here is finished. I've shown you the effects of your suicide on your parents, your brother, your best friend, and even on people you don't know yet. There's nothing left for me to do except explain your options. You can either bleed to death from the razor blades severing your veins or you can be saved just in time. Life or death, the choice is yours, Rick."

My guardian angel smiled warmly. "Remember, you're only seventeen. You have everything to live for."

John started to walk away and I realized he no longer appeared solid. He was literally fading away. "John, wait!" I called out. "Will I ever see you again?"

John turned back and his face was different. The only way to describe it is to say that it radiated. It wasn't an external light like a sun ray, though. Somehow the light came from inside him. "You may never see me again in the same way we spent time together today, but know that I'm always with you. That's why I was created. No soul is ever truly alone. God has seen to that."

The last thing I remember seeing was John's smile as he seemingly vanished into thin air. I didn't have time to dwell on his exit as I knew I had a decision to make.

I admit, I was actually angry. I had already made the choice once and it was the hardest decision of my life. It was supposed to be my final decision, but now I had to go through it all again. "Damn it, John," I screamed out loud. "This isn't fair."

I thought about my parents' tears and reconciliation as well as my brother Alan's pain and questioning of his priestly vocation. I thought about Dawn as she stared at the sleeping pills in her hand. I thought about the green sports car barreling into the man and his son as they crossed the intersection.

The words began to pound through my head. "Life or death, the choice is yours. You have everything to live for." I blocked my ears to drown out the sounds, but that didn't help. The voice continued, "Bleed to death...be saved...razor blades....choice..."

I broke through the words with a forceful voice of my own. "I want to live. I'm sorry, God. Please, I'm only seventeen. I want to LIVE!"

There was an eerie silence. I could no longer hear the birds chirping as they flew overhead or the sound of the meadow grasses swaying in the wind. I felt warm blood rolling down my arm. I looked down at my wrists. The blood trickled out slowly.

The ground gave way beneath me. Suddenly, I was no longer standing in the beautiful wooded area that John had revealed to be the gates of heaven. I was falling through darkness. My arms and legs flailed. My fingers clawed at the air trying to find something to grab onto, but it was pointless. My free-fall picked up speed. "Somebody help me!" I yelled.

That's when I felt John's strong arms around me. Although I couldn't see him, I could feel his presence both physically and spiritually. Because we were falling together, I was no longer afraid.

A flash of light starkly contrasted with the darkness I'd been experiencing. I felt John putting me down gently. My fingers brushed against my own living room carpet.

The light level returned to normal. I blinked to clear my vision. I was alone in the room. My wrists hurt terribly, but I didn't care because that meant that I was still alive!

"Thank you, John," I said aloud. I knew he could hear me wherever he was.

The living room clock chimed one-thirty. My parents came rushing through the front door. "Oh, my God," my mother screamed when she saw me sprawled out on the floor holding my b****y wrists.

"Call 911," my father commanded. He took his jacket off and tied the sleeves to my arms as tourniquets to stop the flow of blood to my wrists.

It was only months later that I learned why my parents came home early that Friday afternoon. They decided to skip work that day because they had decided to try for one last time to reconcile before they filed for divorce. They were walking in the park together about one-fifteen when a man ran up to them and said, "Your son Rick is in serious trouble. Go home now or you'll never see your son alive again." They were stunned and scared, but they heeded his warning and drove home as fast as possible.

They were so upset that they didn't really notice what the man in the park looked like, but they knew they had never seen him before. My father remembered only that the man had dark wavy hair. My mother recalled only that he had a kind face and what she described as a radiant smile.

There's no doubt in my mind who that man was. I still thank God every day for sending me a guardian angel to show me that I had everything to live for.