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Afraid and Alone

Present Day

As soon as I finished packing my suitcase, I sneaked into Amelia's room and started grabbing her things. I mentally slapped myself knowing that getting out of the city was going to be an issue. It was the middle of the night, the subways weren't running, we lived right near Port Authority, but getting a bus this late was going to be a problem. Knowing that I had no other option, that it'll eat a lot of money, and that we could, in no way, wait until morning, I decided to call a car. Once I was done packing a bag for my daughter, I dialed the number and almost shouted in frustration. The line was busy. I had no choice. We had to wait until morning. Getting out of the city in the middle of the night might have been impossible, but there was no way in hell I was staying in the apartment. Not knowing what else to do, I called my friend Macy. "Lyla?" a tired voice answered. "What's going on? It's one in the morning." she said with irritation in her voice. "Hey Macy," I answered brightly. "Listen, we have a burst pipe in our apartment. I left a message for your mom but I don't think it'll be handled until morning. Would it be alright if we came and stayed the night?" I hated lying. I hated even more that I was able to do it so smoothly. Macy agreed without hesitation which made me feel even worse. But I had to keep my daughter safe. So I went into her room and pulled her out of bed. She barely even stirred. She wrapped her arms around my neck and went right back to sleep. She always was a heavy sleeper. I always joked with Macy that my kid could sleep through a tornado. It was difficult carrying Amelia and our bags at the same time but fortunately the building had an elevator, and Macy's place was only a few blocks away. Macy was my closest friend. I knew everything there was to know about her and she thinks she knows everything about me, but she only knows what I told her. I swore to myself that one day, when it was safe, I'd tell her everything. She's the one who let me stay with her when Amelia was only a few months old, set me up with my job, helped me obtain legal documents, her family actually owned the apartment complex I lived in, which is why I can afford a two bedroom in Manhattan. They give me a really good deal. Macy has known me for the past four years, I'm close with her family, and we've been like sisters since we've met. It broke my heart to know that I couldn't tell her anything. As soon as we arrived, Macy led me into her son's bedrooms, who was visiting his dad for the weekend, and I carefully put Amelia down for the night. When that was done, I went out with Macy into the kitchen and she began making a pot of tea. God, I loved Macy. She always made tea for me when I came to her place and her Earl Grey that night was just what I needed to clear my head. All I ever wanted was a family and a home ever since I left home, and with Macy, that is exactly what I had. Her son Rory was my godson, and he called me Aunty Lyla, Macy always introduced me as her sister, her mom was the warmest, most loving woman I ever met. They gave me a place, people to love, and a good life for the past four years. How wonderful it was. I even stopped worrying about anyone finding out who I really am and being found by the wrong people until that night. Watching Macy make me tea, like it was the most natural thing in the world, like she'd do it every day for the rest of my life was too much for me to take, tears started pouring down my cheeks, and a small sob escaped my mouth. It took Macy less than a second to notice the state I was in. She didn't say anything. All she did was walk over, grab the throw that was draped over the couch, place it around my shoulders, and wrap her arms over it. I held on to those arms fast. I needed those arms. After a minute, she simply said, "Whatever it is, whatever you need, if you tell me, maybe I can help." I didn't say anything for several minutes. We just sat there and held each other until the whistling of the tea kettle broke the silence. After a few moments she placed a cup of tea in from of me, and as soon as I sipped the warm liquid, my mind cleared and my body relaxed. "Lyla,' said Macy. "Tell me what's wrong. You're clearly not okay." I knew I had to say something. Otherwise she wouldn't stop asking. "It's nothing," I said. "It's just been a really hard day. Amelia fell off the swings at the park and she cut her arm. Then we waited for hours in the ER because of a car pile up, then the pipe in our apartment. It's just one thing after the other today." It was true enough that all of that was stressful. But if she only knew what I was really sad about. I knew I couldn't tell her anything and it broke my heart that by the next morning I will have disappeared from her life all together. She hugged me and told me to get some rest, that things will be alright in the morning. But by the time morning came, I had already gathered Amelia in my arms, picked up our bags, and ran to the bus station to get as far away from the city as possible. I hated myself for leaving in such a way. The only thing I left was a note saying "I love you. Please forgive me." One thing was certain in the moment I was sitting in the bus station with my little girl in my arms. I was completely on my own. I had no one to help me.