beyOnd

Chapter Sixteen: Lee Yongsoo

Sunday, 29th January, 2023: 5:43 p.m. (sunset)

“I don’t wanna go back home…” I said in an over exaggerated tone. “Can I just stay with you for the whole week?”

“Nope. You’re dad’s gonna kill you if you do,” Wook-jin told me. We were stood right in front of his car in the parking lot; him leaning on the hood of the car as he twirls his keys in his hands while I stand right next to the passenger’s seat.

“Sadly enough…” I mutter. He then unlocked the doors if his car with the keys and got inside while I followed along. Somehow, it’d gotten much colder than it normally would everyday, despite the fact that winter would be ending in approximately 3 days.

And that honestly makes me quite sad. I really like winters. They’ve always had this one feeling that just couldn’t be explained with words. I’ve just always found it as such a beautiful season of the year.

Wook-jin got into the car, with me following after him. He inserts the keys into the ignition after buckling his seatbelt. With every moment I spent with him, it was always blissful, almost something that couldn’t be imagined to happen to me. But only now was the time when I couldn’t help but feel dreaded.

I really don’t want to go back home. Home was one of the last places I wanted to be in. I don’t want to face my father again. He’s probably going to be drunk again when I arrive. Sometimes I wonder if he ever feels bad for what he does to me when he’s sober – and that’s something that doesn’t happen too often – .

As we drove closer to my apartment, dread had completely taken over me, and I just wished time could pause for a while. I’d been staring out the window soullessly, not a single thought running through my mind. I don’t even know how long it’s been since we first started the journey, but I probably could make an estimate of 20 minutes.

I don’t remember the distance between our apartments being this far. But I couldn’t even think about questioning it. If Wook-jin turns out to be some kidnaper, then I wouldn’t really care. If I die, I die. There’s no reason for me to live anymore.

I watched as the sun sank deep into the horizon, as though it were never going to come back. Yet the sky still remains orange and pink, slowly drifting into a pale burgundy as it reaches the horizon, which is cool, I guess. It’s nothing too special. It’s just the Earth making a rotation.

I leaned my head against the cool surface of the car window and let out a small sigh. “Hyung,” I started, “did I ever tell you that my birthday was soon?”

“No, you’ve never,” he said with slight shock in his voice, “When is it exactly?”

“Next Wednesday.”

“I didn’t even start preparing yet! You should’ve told me sooner!”

I laugh, just barely audible. “Yeah. I should’ve.” We both stay silent for a while, until I finally muster up the courage to talk some more. “Also…Could I come over to your place on Wednesday?”

“Of course! Then you get to celebrate your first birthday with me!”

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong? Why d’you seen so sad?” he asked.

“I just…really don’t want to go back home.”

“Hm…” After that, we’re silent for a while. All that could be heard was the silent revv of the car’s engine and the sound of the tires against the road. “Honestly, I get why you don’t want to go home,” he said, breaking the silence between us, “there are just some times in life when going home is just such a hassle, and you’d just want to stay out for the whole day, not even thinking of tomorrow.”

“Exactly…” Before I knew it, we’d already reached the front gate to my apartment. f**k, I thought as we inched closer to the building. The car came into a halt, and that’s when the dread had completely taken over me. I sighed, yet didn’t make much of an expression.

Slowly, I got myself out of the car, shutting the door right behind me. Wook-jin got out right after, his keys still in his hands. His steps were adagio as he strode closer to me, and it felt as though time had completely stopped. He stopped inches apart from me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

Again, he gave me that adorable grin that I just cannot get enough of and laid his hand against my cheek, just barely grazing his fingers over my skin. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yeah.” He pulls me in for a hug, gently wrapping his arms around me.

“Thanks for staying with me for the entire weekend…” he muttered, tucking his chin onto my shoulder, “I would’ve been so lonely without you. In fact, this was one of the best weekends I’ve had since I moved here to Busan.”

“I’m…glad you think that…” I mutter, slowly placing my hands onto his waist. He pulls away just slightly and plants a kiss onto my forehead. Of course, I took it as a friendly way. He would never think of me romantically. Such thing might never happen.

“Bye,” he told me, giving me a pat on the shoulder. As we slowly pulled apart, I didn’t want to let go. I wish he could hold me in those arms forever. I wish he could kiss me again…on the lips this time.

What’s even wrong with me? I’m such a creep.

I wave him goodbye, despite the fact that I wanted to stay with him forever. He waves back with both hands, watching me as I go into the lift. The doors slowly shifted together, closing me in the concealed box that it’d always guarded.

And there I was, all alone barricaded in a metal cuboid as I stared soullessly upon my reflection on the doors. The smile curved onto my lips had disappeared, and the catharsis given by Wook-jin had vanished as though it were a breath of smoke. Was this what loving someone felt like? Or is this all just obsession?

Meaningless and uncanny thoughts rushed through my mind like a river that’d just broken through its dam, flowing out as tears through my eyes. But why am I even crying? What am I hurt for? Was it because I didn’t want to leave him? Was it because I didn’t want to be back home?

Whatever it was, I couldn’t possibly bother to acknowledge it. I don’t even care about anything anymore. Whatever happened to me, I wasn’t phased out.

The elevator comes into an abrupt halt, interrupting my thoughts. “Ding! Floor 12” the elevator voice said in its annoying robotic voice. The doors open upon me, letting me loose from the horrifying feeling of claustrophobia in that unbearable metal box.

I stepped out cautiously, looking from left to right in the halls. They remained dull and quiet, main lights emitting its milky glow upon the deepening halls. My steps seemed loud and heavy within this silence, even though I was sure almost no one could hear me.

I passed doors after doors, each and every one of them looking exactly the same. 1212. 1213. 1214. 1215. Then there was mine. 1216. I clutched my bag’s shoulder strap tightly, anticipation and anxiety growing within my entire body.

I turn the key to the door. “Click!” I then push the door handle down, hushed sounds of the television playing in the living room. s**t, I thought, Father might be awake. I step into the house, triggering the automatic lights. Discreetly, I take a peek at the living room. The TV was on, as I expected. But Father had seemed to be laid on the couch.

I take off my shoes, and go into the living room. Father had fallen asleep, some kind of K-drama playing in the background. There was not a single sign of an alcohol bottle to be seen, which was odd. Has he still been drinking while I was gone? I thought.

Carefully, I pick up the remote from the coffee table and switch off the TV, making the room pitch black. I sigh, looking back over my shoulder at Father. My eyes then draw themselves back to the closed door of my room, and I slowly walk up to it and lock myself in there, like how I always would.

Please tell me things will get better.