beyOnd

Chapter Four

Darkness of navy and black had filled upon the sun-less sky, eyes still heavy with sleep as I woke. With constant beams of a dim yellow whispering against my skin from the streetlights, the tall buildings had been lit up with tiny lights of white and vanilla wandering upon dark shapes of the buildings like stars in the night sky.

“Yongsoo,” whispered Wook-jin. “Your station’s next.” With a dazed, tired body, I got up from my seat and groaned in exhaustion. I slid my hand beneath the strap of my bag and threw it over my pained shoulders, aching with all the weight of my bag.

The bus came into an abrupt halt, making me trip forward. I look back at Wook-jin, who was still stood right behind me. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked. Those rosy lips curve into an irresistible grin that could never be gotten out of my mind, and he gives me a slow nod.

“Yeah,” he said happily. “See you!” My hands clutch the strap of my bag tightly as I stepped off the metal plate of the bus, laying a foot onto an asphalt pave. I raise a hand and wave him goodbye, heart laden to leave him so soon.

As I watched the bus slowly drift off into the darkness upon me, I clutched the part of my shirt that was over my chest. The thrill playing as a constant thump in my chest didn’t seem to stop, and his figure could never be gotten out my mind. My hand lets go of my shirt and my eyes rested upon the dark skies above, cheeks flushed and heart racing.

His charm, his intellect, his charisma, his beauty, his figure, his background, his smile, his eyes, his skin, his fingertips, his sympathy. It will always remain as an unforgettable memory in my head. I wish I could see him every morning, every evening, every afternoon, every twilight, every midnight, every early a.m.s.

For so, I hope this school year would be much better with such company like his, indeed.

But I know that there’ll be a lot of sadder times as well. Father, as such, for he might forever be the reasons to my misery. His behavior as a father might just be detestable for one who sees him, along with me as well. It wasn’t fair that he always accused me for Mother’s death when he doesn’t even know if it shall be considered true or not.

There I stand, eyes resting upon the tall building of my apartment. The glass doors shifted open upon my arrival, and I step into the marbled lobby of the building, with dread and regret filling every step I took further to the lifts. I wasn’t ready, yet I knew I had to be.

I don’t even understand how I’m not used to this already.

. . .

I strode inside and switched on the light, just to see my father stood right next to the kitchen island, supporting himself up with his arms. He looked drunk, and it had gotten much too obvious that he was. He was always drunk when he came home. My body had froze upon the sight of him, my limbs completely paralyzed and unable to step forward. Trembling hands clutched the straps of my bag out of fear, yet I knew I had to silence myself to avoid any misunderstandings.

“Lee Yongsoo,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “why are you late?” I hoped to my life that he wouldn’t notice me, and that he would just let me go to my room in peace. But obviously not. He just can’t let me go without an explanation.

Hesitantly, I turned to face him, my eyes filled with dread. “Umm…I had to tour a new student around after school…” I said quietly.

“Who was he?” father asked.

“His name is Jung Wook-jin,” I told him, “he’s new at my school.”

“Are you two friends?”

“Yeah…” He straightened himself back up and looked me straight in the eyes with a stern and angered look.

“Just how many times do I have to tell you,” he shouted, “you should be home by 6. That’s your limit! I don’t give a f**k about your friends, and you should know that. And yet, you have the audacity to come back at 7, which is an hour after your curfew!” He then smashes a bottle of soju onto the wooden floor, making a scatter of unpleasantly warm soju and glass shards on the ground.

I step back slightly out of shock, and my eyes immediately draw their way to father’s, who was now glaring at me with great wrath present in the way his eyes glistened. I stood there out of shock, eyes stunned with such a sight. With no words able to come out my throat, my hands trembled and my breaths were shuddery out of trepidation.

My next moves were undecided, with just me urging to sprint back into the safety of my room. It was always such a hassle having to manage things like this. I’d wished this could come into an end.

I clutched the strap of my bag tightly and rushed into my room. “Hey!” father shouted from behind. I stopped abruptly and glared at him from over my shoulder.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked. Slowly, I turn around with an agitated smirk that played on my lips. Silently, I scoff as I glared straight into his wrath filled eyes.

“Why do you expect me to clean up the mess you made?” I scoffed. “What am I, your servant?” Again, I turn around and went into my room, slamming the door behind me. Immediately, I dropped my bag onto the ground next to my bed and grabbed the key to my door. I knew that at some point, my father would give an attempt to come into my room, so I had to lock it as soon as I could.

I locked the door and threw the key under my bed, which was where I would always hide it. In fact, I actually stole this key from father long ago. He just never seemed to notice; he doesn’t notice a single thing that I do, not at all. On instinct, I kept myself pushed against the hard door of my room and drooped down so I’d be sat onto the ground.

. . .

Sunlight beamed through the gaps of my blinds, clean streaks of deep yellow whispering against the cloth of my sheets and the bare skin of my arms. My eyes, still blurred with sleep, softly opened, being blinded with the gleaming sunlight. With meaningless thoughts rushing through my mind, I lay there in my silenced room, the Aircon barely giving off any cold air.

Feelings that hadn’t been the other day had reached me, my eyes beginning to burn with hot tears. It was still unknown why I’d began to cry, yet an answer could still be thought out. Yesterday, I thought. The tears I’d held back since yesterday had seemed to have broken through just now in an uncontrollable manner, like a river that’d broken through its dam.

I rose my hands up to my cheeks and wiped off the tears that’d managed to escape my eyes and got out of bed. I picked my phone off of its charger, which’d seemed idle for probably a majority of the night. “6:45 a.m.,” it read. I sighed out of exhaustion and went over to the restroom for a quick shower.

I got into my uniform and slipped a nylon blazer onto my shoulders, adjusting the tie within the small pit in the center of my neck. Immediately, I slipped my bag onto my shoulder and headed for the front door, not even having a second thought for breakfast. I slowly stepped out into the living room, which lay empty since last night.

An uncanny feeling had ran down my spine upon my arrival into the main room, the memories from yesterday managing to play in such vividness that couldn’t be explained. Green, tinted glass had spread across the floor in a scatter, almost impossible to get pass.

The windows had seemed to be left ajar throughout the night, the cool air from outside seeping through as a chilled breeze of air against my skin. I reached for the handle and shut the window completely. It shouldn’t have been left open for so long.

I walk up to the front door, in a struggle to put my shoes on. I stumbled upon myself, falling to the hard wooden ground. The glass shards had pierced through my skin. With shaken hands, I turned it slowly so my palm would be facing me. Deep red blood had covered my palm completely, some spreading up to my fingers and down my arm.

It hurt. It hurt a lot, in fact. It hurt so horribly that my hand went numb.

Ripples of blood were dripping from my hand all the way to my arm and stained the white bit of my uniform. s**t, I thought as I watched my blood drop onto the wooden floor. It glistened upon the vanilla shaded lights of the main room, looking so beautifully red and fresh that I hated it.

Instead of cleaning the blood up, however, I pushed myself forward and immediately headed out the front door before I heard my father wake up. Luckily, I had already left by the time he came out to the main room. It hadn’t been something I should bother about, however. I’d much rather live life recklessly than deal with meaningless arguments such as his.