Shining Through Shadows

Troubled mind

Zachary

“They only come to mock me!” I growled, throwing another decanter against the wall, watching how pieces of crystal glass flew in every direction while amber liquid poured down the wall. I was creating a mess and I absolutely didn't care about it. At least not now.

Louisa shielded her eyes, eliciting a small gasp from the sound of broken glass, but to my surprise, she stood firmly on the ground.

“Master, if I may,” she began with a soft voice once, “but you let them.” Her rather bold assumption made me snap my black eyes towards her, and she immediately averted my gaze, baring her neck to me in a sign of submission. Louisa never ceased to amaze me.

The woman was wise. Perhaps that comes with age. My chest constricted as I thought about my dark future. Would I ever grow into being a wise leader? Did I have enough time to become one? I wasn't sure.

Louisa was an older lady and she had known me since I was just a pup. I would never admit it, but I cared for her like I cared for my deceased mother. She has been the only stable female figure in my life since I was a young boy.

Her gray hair was secured on the top of her head in a strange up-do, but that was just how she always looked. I had never seen her with her hair down.

“I mean no disrespect, Master, but you shouldn’t let them provoke you. You are still stronger than them.” Louisa's voice pulled me out of my train of thought. Damn right. I was still stronger than both of them combined.

“Not for long…” I muttered under my breath with my back towards Louisa, reminding myself of my own fate. I hated it when she saw me like this. Like the monster I truly was.

My eyes were locked on my hands as I struggled to withdraw my claws into my skin again. A movement usually so fluid had turned into something difficult, and I despised myself for letting it go this far.

I feared it was too late now.

I was a lost cause, my soul condemned to the pits of hell.

“There’s still hope, Zach, hold on to it a little longer. If not for you, then for me.” The feeling of Louisa’s bony hand on my shoulder almost made me flinch, but the warmth she eluded was too comforting for me to pull away. I had to grasp onto the calmness she tried to pass into me.

It felt almost as good as the warmth from—. No, I cannot let my mind go there. It was forbidden.

“I can make no promises, Louisa, but I will try.” I said, hoping to lift her spirits again. She patted my arm before leaving to fetch a broom and dustpan to clean up my mess. I regretted having caused havoc only for her to clean it up.

It was only a matter of months before I turned 30 years of age. A dreaded milestone in a life filled with nothing but broken promises and anger in a torn family.

My father was the King of the four provinces of Saclair. A once beautiful country with many diversities. The warmer and more deserted provinces to the south and east. The lush province of the west with its magnificent cliffs and waterfalls. And then, in the north, was the vast and cold landscape. The further north, the colder it got.

The north was where I had decided to live, far away from the constant troubles in the Citadel of Mistra. At least, that was what I thought. Now, those troubles had decided to come and haunt me, mock me, in my own home instead.

They were tapping their feet impatiently on the ground, waiting for the day to come when I would finally turn mad. Only then, could they take what was rightfully mine, even though I didn’t want it.

Just thinking about the inevitable, I felt my muscles tensing and my bones on the verge of cracking. It was getting harder to control my shifts, harder to control my counterpart’s urge to run across the frozen fields howling about his misfortune in life to the goddess above.

I spent more nights outside the house than inside, trying my best to satiate his need to roam freely, but when each morning came, it became harder to reclaim control.

A loud c***k from my femur told me that it was about time for me to get out of the house. Deep breaths. Another snap came from my left arm and my claws elongated painfully slowly as my human side, or whatever was left of it, tried to fight my animal side.

“Shit.” I hissed as another bone broke, making me stumble into the door frame on my way to the stairs. I wasn’t moving fast enough, or maybe I was getting tired of fighting the madness threatening to consume me entirely.

I had to grip the banister as I descended the stairs, my claws leaving deep marks on the polished hand-carved wood. My feet were heavy and fur was beginning to sprout unevenly over my skin.

CRACK.

Another bone was broken, this time in my right shoulder. I had to hunch my back to get rid of the pain it caused, but as I did, I lost my balance and missed a step. I landed with a loud thud a few steps further down the stairs.

“Oh my, let me help—“ Her voice was melodic as she spoke and the distress in it evident as she tried to help me up. Where did she even come from?

“LEAVE.” I growled at her in a desperate attempt to create some distance between us, hoping she would step away. Nobody should see me like this, especially not her, m’sahni.

When she didn’t move, I forced my head around to face her, baring my long canines at her. My voice was so deep, the command in it unmistakable. “I said leave! NOW!”