Deep tenderness

Out of Blue

My foolish heart fell for her again, It was hard not to admit that she was not beautiful, she was so precious. And, again that night we talked and played like nothing ever happened. I fell in love with her even more, even more than I ever liked her before. She was every form of comfort that I wanted forever, hope she knows it someday or another. Aria looked at me with a pretty smile on her face, it felt like the whole heaven is with me right now. She was endearing, a lot adorable than before. The more I tried to fall out of love with her, was me more falling in love with Aria. She was the sweetest person to even exist. Both of us fell asleep together that night, talking to each other, having a comfortable place in each other's hearts. The next morning, we went back to school together, and then I see Mac waiting for me. "holy s**t!" His friends said seeing me and aria walking together. Because we knew something bad was gonna come around for me. Aria looked at me with a confused face, "oh, are you and mac friends?" she asked. My voice trembled with a face filled with awkwardness, I looked at her and smiled. "Oh, yeah he is my friend, of course," I said and part my way back to my class. I felt like Aria suspected already, she kinda knew what was going on. Who was I kidding? I could never lie to her straightly on her face.

The routine classes started and everything went normal until the teacher asked e my homework. I looked at aria who was submitting her book, While I was really not ready with any of my homework. I apologized and got punished for not doing the given work on time, It felt so embarrassing to stand around the corridor with the cool short skirt I wore. I trusted Aria a lot with homework, But she completed her work, I guess she was changing a lot too. While the break fell, aria came out laughing with her new friends. "Whoa!" I exclaimed in my thoughts. She has new behaviors, new friends, a boyfriend, a totally new life. Whereas, I am left out, broken, and sad. Why was everybody ahead of time, ahead of the way I think they are? I walked back into my class and got booed. I was so depressed, What was I lagging in life? Why was I not enough? How am I supposed to behave like others? My head started to hurt. I silently got into the restroom and locked myself inside screeching and crying aloud. I mumbled "Who is ever gonna love me? Will I ever be loved?" I just couldn't stop crying. My eyes turned red as I washed my face, I observed that I was slowly losing my own self. Wait, did I even have a personality in the first place? Can ray behave normally without aria? So weird how I was never having anything about my personality attracting.

That's when I decided to start working on myself, this heartbreak gave rise to a new ray. She is going to be ten times stronger than how she was, I promised myself that I am going to take the therapy sessions seriously just for myself. While I was planning everything in my mind, I heard a knock. As I opened the door, out of blue I see aria. She smiled and walked together with me still in the classroom. As I turned towards the cafeteria, I see all my classmates, staff, and teachers with huge smiles on their faces. I looked up at the banner and see "Ray is talking!!" Of course, it was a huge thing for me to get through, I didn't know my high school would be celebrating this small achievement of mine. "Are you surprised?" asked aria with a warm face. I giggled knowing how sweet and generous all my high schoolmates were. Everybody was happy and they seemed so glad that I could talk again, and behave normally. But honestly, thinking about that I felt nothing has changed, maybe I see myself very differently from other people's point of view, I was overwhelmed with joyous among my friends and teachers. They celebrated each and every step I took in life, it made me feel understood, cared for, and loved. I had quite a great time talking again, I made something which was impossible, possible.

I got back home, my body was worn out and tired. My little brother knocked on the door and calmy sad beside me with his face adoring me, what was special? Did he break something again? It made me confused. "I don't want to sound corny but I'm so glad you're getting better day by day, and honestly I'm proud of you that you're fighting your own battles with a lot of strength." He glimmered at me. I patted his hair and smiled back, "Thanks ron, You understand me very much better than others." I gently faced him. Ron would rarely say something like this, but whenever he says something or well-wishes me, I feel every man has a tender heart but they're too manly to express how they feel. Im glad my brother wasn't one of the shy people, but a very understanding and annoying cute little boy. He walked away reminding me that I had my therapy session, and just like I decided before to work on myself, I wanted peace of mind. Today, felt like a new me, a new day, I felt good about today. I also understood and I need no Aria to keep me going, I need myself to push through this hard time. I wasn't gonna lie to myself anymore, I know I matter and I know I deserve so much better.

The therapy session started and the first question she asked me was, "you seem to be in a great mood today, tell me more about it"