Secret Heat: Golden Heartthrob or Forbidden Temptation

Chapter 1

New Year's has always been a day for transformation. Rebirth with the turning of the calendar. Most people set goals to make more money or finally start going to the gym, but not me. My only resolution is to be a normal eighteen-year old, enjoying the typical senior year experience.

I had been homeschooled since my freshman year. Transitioning from middle school to high school wasn't very easy for me. I wasn't making any friends outside of the teachers and my mom started worrying about my mental health. I made the switch and couldn't be happier.

Taking online courses opened up a whole new world of extracurricular classes that would never be offered at my small town high school. I learned psychology, marine biology, and cosmology. The classes were self-paced, which freed up time for me to work at a local breakfast cafe and take dance classes.

This last year, however, I've been watching kids I grew up with post on their Insta about parties and school projects, friendship and relationship gossip, and the homecoming dance that I secretly wished I was invited to. Everyone had forgot about me, though.

Not like they really knew I was there in the first place. In my freshman year, I was invisible. My art teacher said I was mysterious but really I was just quiet. I have terrible social anxiety that makes it hard for me to have conversations with people I'm not comfortable with. For most of my life, I just avoided it until I got the cafe job and was forced to interact with others.

The other waitresses were in their thirties and we would spend most of our shifts chatting between customers. They took it upon themselves to teach me how to do my make-up and style my hair. They said I was too pretty to be making myself look so homely. Between that and the dance classes, my looks changed completely in the last few years.

I also wasn't a little girl anymore, which is another reason why I decided to go back to school. I was eighteen and a virgin. My only boyfriend was in middle school. We kissed a few times and held hands. Once he touched my inner thigh on a dare. His hand was rough for his age and very sweaty. His family moved out of state before we went into high school.

I had crushes on boys in school but none of them knew I existed, let alone were interested in me. The only boy that I've talked to that's around my age is my brother's best friend, Heron. My brother is almost exactly a year and a half older and the total opposite of me. We have different dads but we look so alike, sometimes people ask if we're twins.

Heron and my brother have been friends since they were little. I used to play with them but when puberty hit me, I preferred to do girl things. I traded playing in the mud for painting my nails. My brother was upset that I never hung out with them anymore until he turned to more delinquent activities as he grew up.

He and Heron dropped out while I was in my sophomore year and first year of homeschooling. I was having late night study sessions while they were getting high at the skatepark. Heron grew a few feet and his body filled in, I would think he was really hot if he wasn't my brother's best friend.

My brother still lives with me and my mom. He and Heron work together for some construction company doing grunt work. Sometimes Heron would sleep on our couch if they had too long of a shift or when his dad is on a drinking bender.

We haven't held a conversation since we were kids. I don't know when it started, but talking to him felt impossible with my anxiety and we became strangers who occasionally shared questionable glances. Sometimes he would tease me or ruffle my hair like we were still kids. I daydreamed that he would be my first but told myself I was just saving him for when I was ready.

Still, I couldn't graduate a virgin. When I told my mom I wanted to go back to school, she nearly cried with enjoyment. I don't think she doubted I would graduate, she was more excited that I would be the first in the family to have a high school diploma. She had dropped out when she was my age and opted to get her GED.

I told her over Christmas break and she started planning my graduation party immediately, calling her friends and family. The school was contacted and credits were transferred. Everything was arranged for my return to Spruce Hill high school.

My New Year's Eve was spent watching the ball drop from Time's Square on tv with my mom. She made us crab legs and artichoke with a spinach dip and chocolate-dipped strawberries for dessert. It was our usual special occasion meal and my brother, Robert, though we call him Robby, stopped in to steal some food before heading to a party in the woods.

Heron tapped my shoulder. When I turned to look, he stole a strawberry and my porcelain skin turned a blushing red. A knowing smile spread on my mother's face but she said nothing as Robby and Heron headed to the bedroom to grab a change of clothes for the party. I wanted to go with them to that party, feeling like I missed out on being a rebellious teen. Robby only saw me as his annoying little sister now, no longer friends and no longer invited to have fun.

Ultimately, my mother ended up falling asleep in her recliner before the clock struck midnight. Everyone I knew and used to know were having fun and getting wasted, living the dream I wanted. This year was going to be different for me. This year I will be popular. I would have friends and be invited to all the things. I was going to have a real high school boyfriend and go to prom. I would lose my virginity and go to college a whole new woman, confident and experienced.

I spent most of the night researching the prettiest woman and their every style. I shopped online for the perfect outfits and when the countdown started, I closed my eyes and made my New Year's wish: this year, I just wanted to be normal.