Chapter 2: The warm thing
1284 Words
The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the color of the sky.
White. Completely white.
He blinked. Slow. No river. No broad green leaves. No familiar weight of ducks settled on his belly.
The ducks.
Three ducks. Always the same three. They would waddle up after his afternoon nap and arrange themselves across his stomach like it had been made for them. Which it had. He'd been good at that. Maybe the only thing he'd ever been good at.
He missed them. The feeling sat in his chest like a stone. A stupid, heavy stone.
"Young master Julian, why are you awake?"
Julian? Who was that?
He tried to stand. His body was wrong. No fur. Pale skin stretched over long limbs and hands—hands with five thin fingers, flexible and strange. He flexed them. One by one, they obeyed. Then his thumb twitched for no reason. Bodies did that, apparently.
Weirder and weirder.
He pushed himself up. Four legs. The memory was there. The legs were not. He tipped forward and landed flat on his face. His chin hit the floor. Pain sparked up his jaw. Well. Julian's face, apparently.
A memory surfaced. Uninvited. A big room. Shouting. Glass breaking. A boy who looked exactly like him. Cold glass against his cheek. Pain in his chest—sharp, specific, left of center. And a smile. Small. Private. Adrian's smile. The memory popped. Gone.
His new heart beat hard. He was Julian. That was his name now. The memories belonged to this body. Maybe. He stopped thinking about it.
The door burst open. A boy rushed in. Brother. Adrian. The name came with a faint unpleasant taste. Adrian's eyes were wet. Humans leaked for reasons Julian hadn't figured out yet.
"You're awake." Adrian's voice shook. A nurse made soft sounds. Her face did something that was probably a smile.
"Young Master Adrian has been here every day," she said.
Adrian shook his head. "I wasn't worried." A short laugh. "He's my brother."
Julian observed this from the floor. Neither had helped him up.
Adrian extended his hand. Julian didn't take it. He was studying his own. The thumb had stopped twitching. Good thumb.
Adrian sat down. His leg folded wrong. A small sound escaped him—breath pushed out. His ankle twisted. The nurse's face tightened, eyes going to Julian.
"Julian." Adrian's voice came out thin. "I was just trying to help you up. How could you push me?"
Julian looked at his hands. He had not moved them. He was very sure of this. He had been looking at his fingers the entire time. The thumb had not twitched. The fingers had not pushed. They had just sat there, being fingers, doing nothing at all.
He was almost certain.
The nurse rushed forward. "Young Master Adrian, are you alright?"
Adrian smiled. Quiet. The smile humans liked. "I'm fine. Julian probably didn't mean it. He's been through so much. I'm sure he's just confused."
The nurse softened. "You're too kind."
Adrian lowered his eyes. "He's my brother. I'll always forgive him."
Julian's old ears would have flickered at that. But he was already looking past Adrian, toward the fruit basket. It had not done anything confusing. It had not leaked from its eyes. One fruit was orange. Very orange. Aggressively orange.
The orange looked significantly more important than anything else happening in the room.
Adrian followed his gaze. He stood slowly, picked up the basket. "I brought these. Mom and Dad wanted to come, but I told them to rest. They haven't been sleeping."
Julian grabbed an apple. Solid. Cool. Crunch. Sweet. Good.
Adrian's smile flickered. "You disappeared for a week and the first thing you do is eat?"
A week. Julian didn't know what that meant. He ate the core. All of it.
The door opened. Two humans entered. Xander. Tight mouth. Tired eyes. He looked at Julian and sighed. "What is it this time? He disappears for a week, comes back pretending he doesn't recognize anyone, and now he's—" He gestured. "Eating."
"Xander." Adrian's voice was gently reproachful. "He just woke up. Please don't be hard on him."
Xander's jaw tightened but his voice softened for Adrian. "You're too forgiving. He humiliated you at the party. He hit you. And you're still here."
Adrian looked down. "I know he didn't mean it. Julian has always been emotional. He feels things deeply. Sometimes it comes out in ways he can't control."
"He slapped you in front of so many people that to outsiders."
"And I've already forgiven him." Adrian's voice went quietly firm. The voice of someone being noble. "He's my twin."
The nurse made the soft expression again. Xander shook his head, but his eyes were gentle on Adrian.
Julian reached for a pear.
The other human still hadn't spoken. Standing near the door. Relaxed shoulders. Radiating something that made Julian's whole body pay attention. Not just heat. Something else. Like sun on wet stone.
Julian's hand stopped halfway.
"Silas, don't just stand there," Xander said. "We're leaving."
"Actually," Silas said, "I just got back from the eastern territory. Haven't even changed clothes." Light voice. Easy. "And I hear Julian's been causing trouble again."
Adrian turned with a small, apologetic smile. "Young master Silas. I'm sorry you had to see this. Julian isn't usually like this. He's been unwell. Since the accident."
"The accident." Silas's tone was unreadable. "The one where he conveniently disappeared for a week and came back with no memories."
"The doctors say trauma can do strange things."
"I'm sure they do."
Julian stood up. Two legs. Still terrible. He wobbled. Caught himself. His ankle twinged. He walked anyway. Step. Step. The warm one was across the room. Julian crossed the distance with the shuffling determination of a creature who had spotted something good.
"Julian, sit back down," Xander said. "You need rest."
Julian didn't look at him. Didn't acknowledge him. His eyes were fixed on Silas.
"Julian. I'm talking to you."
Julian stopped directly in front of Silas. Up close, it was better. The warmth sank through his thin human skin and reached the cold places. He pressed his face against Silas's chest before deciding if that was allowed. Soft fabric. Steady heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Good rhythm.
"This is nice," Julian said, voice muffled.
Silas went still. "Pipsqueak. What are you doing?"
"Julian!" Adrian's voice cut across. Higher. Sharper. Then softer, catching itself. "Please let go of young master Silas. Even if you wanted to make Xander jealous, you shouldn't use his younger brother. It's not fair to Silas."
Julian yawned. Loud. Satisfying.
The presence was making him sleepy. It reminded him of sun-heated river rocks. Afternoon naps. Three feathered bodies on his belly. He has been a very satisfied cabybara napping by the river how had he become such a complicated creature.His eyes closed without permission. He was already snoring. Slightly.
Silas looked down at him. A huff of breath. "He's asleep."
"He's pretending," Xander said.
"Silas didn't respond. He shifted, lifting Julian easily. Like he weighed nothing.
Silas turned. "Where are you going?" Xander demanded.
"Somewhere quieter. He's asleep."
He carried Julian out. The corridor was brighter. Real sunlight through high windows. Julian turned his face toward it without opening his eyes. Red patterns on the inside of his eyelids.
Better. Much better.
The ducks would have loved it here. He missed them. The stone in his chest. Still there. Still heavy.
He let Silas carry him, warm and steady, into the sunlight. His fingers curled into Silas's shirt. Just a little. The stone felt slightly less heavy. Just slightly. He didn't know why.
He'd figure it out later. Probably.
- Writer
