If I could turn back time...

Chapter 2: In the car to grade 6

"That was a fine start, I guess," I thought when I went to sleep that night. It was. But what happened next, I could not comprehend.

I opened my eyes. It was like getting up from sleep. It was looking through the window of a car... It was a cloudy day. There were empty plots and a worn-down road. I turned my head and saw Ammi lecturing me about how it was okay on the first day of school.

The driver... wasn't our current one. Oh my god, is he the driver that broke one of Ammi's beloved Corelle plates and fled, never to be seen again? I put my hand over my mouth. I wanted to laugh so hard. Ammi never forgot about it. His wife worked with us through cleaning, and I remember their dark chocolate skin. And Hussain? He was so itty-bitty! In an instant, I looked outside.

The smile I had faded as quickly as it had come in as I saw the grey structure of where I would spend the next two years. Chills ran down my spine as I wanted to run, kick, scream, yell, disappear, abandon. I don't want to be here. The place that created a toxic self for me. The toxic version of me that I blamed everything stupid on. The version of me that I wished never was born. The version of me was a pathetic scared child that unknowingly hurt people. The form of me that should be six feet under. Sweat. Fear. Terror. Paralysis.

No, take me away. I don't want to be here. Please...

Isn't this what I wanted? Isn't this the place where I want to be to change myself? Isn't this where I want to correct my wrongs? Sweat dripped, and my hijab soaked it up. You damned school, I thought, I know you're students, and I know you. Im coming for you. All of you. Count on it.