I'd Rather Be In Love With . . .

Chapter Two - New Starts and a Make-out

"MUM! I can't find my black jeans!" I shouted leaning over the banister. It was Friday and to tell you the truth I was kinda freaking out. If I tell you guys you're just gonna think I'm crazy or weird or worse, a freak. But being labeled a freak is what's MADE me like this! "MUM!" I screamed again annoyed. Ugh, I've got three minutes to get ready! "MU...."

"OK! For heaven's sake Fay! Do you really need to scream your lungs out like that!?!" My mother screeched angrily from the bottom of the stairs as she stared up at me with both her hands on her hips, her short dirty blonde hair tied up in a bun and her dark blue knee-length dress not only gave her more curves but made her look younger. The wrinkles under her eyes had gone and she actually looked excited.

"My black jeans, I can't find them anywhere in my room."

"That's because they're finally getting a good wash," she said smiling whilst tilting her head to the side. My eyes widened and I stared at her with disbelief, there my best jeans!

"WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO WEAR NOW!?!"

"Ask your sister," before I could protest with her she was walking away with a pleasant smile spread widely across her face. Is she for real!?! I can't ask Zara! She'll just give me some crappy mini skirt that barely covers my bum!

Oh shut up Fay, what choice do you have?!

Yeah, I get into fights with my head, is that so wrong when you don't have anyone to talk too?

"Zara! I need to borrow...." I cut off as her door swung open and she tossed me a pair of jean shorts, "Thanks," I muttered lowly as I held out the shorts and walked back to my room. Of course, I own other pairs of jeans and stuff but none of that can be shown....or more like, none that is good enough to be used in front of Jed.

There you go! The only boy that actually talks to me is my next door neighbor and that is very rare. Usually, when he isn't at school he'll come over for an hour and we'll do homework, but that's the extent of our relationship. I try to dress nicely in front of him because well honestly? I think I do it more for myself. I'd never have the balls to do it anywhere else. Besides, I mean a little attention is better than none...right?

I closed the door and changed into the shorts. I pulled my wardrobe door open and stared at my reflection in the full-length mirror. My mouth dropped even wider open as I saw how short the shorts actually were! They barely covered my short cut pants! I knew my sister would give me something like this. I've got to find something else to wear and now!

I quickly launched at the open wardrobe and threw clothes onto the bed like a maniac. I was swaying my arms around like a crazy person, even though I am, whilst still in the shorts and my black poker dotted bra. PLEASE GOD LET THERE BE SOMETHING IN HERE!!!

"Honey! Guests are here!"

"s**t!" I muttered getting to my feet like lightning but ending up hitting my head against the top of the wardrobe and falling back down. "Owe!" I whispered pressing my hand harder down on the spot that hurt. Once again I got to my feet but more careful and ran over to my bed, I started throwing clothes behind my back again knowing that I don't have time to find anything apart from a top.

"FAY! Come down!"

"I'm coming mum!" I shouted back as I pulled a red shoulder hanging top out. Ok, this isn't gonna cover my boobs up but I don't have time! I pulled the top on and ran to the mirror running a comb quickly through my hair. Oh, Jesus, I'm practically on show! "I'm coming!" I screamed just so my mother wouldn't have the urge too. I ran down the stairs and came to a halt as soon as I reached the living room door.

"Hey," I said acting cool as I walked in and sat next to a gapping Jed. I couldn't help but smile to myself in my head. Hehe, I bet he never expected to see me dressed like this....wait come to think of it; I didn't even want to look like this!

"Fay wanted to look extra special for you," Zara cut in as mum left the room leaving us alone. My head snapped up to look at her and I shot her a death glare as my face heated at the same time. Jed was and is a friend nothing more. What else could he be anyway? "I think I'll leave you guys alone, plus I have a boyfriend who actually wants to be with me right now, so yeah, bye," she got up and flicked us off with her nails as she made her way out the living room. I swear I heard her mutter 'losers' under her breath as she passed?

"You look great," Jed broke the silence. I stopped looking down at my folded hands neatly on my lap and looked up at him. His dark blue eyes locked with mine...but something was different in his gaze, it wasn't the same....he seemed to be focusing on something totally different...I just can't put my finger on it though. Maybe something happened at home that he doesn't wanna talk about?

"Thanks," I said back as he ran his fingers through his cut black hair. His hand trailed down to his round classes and he nestled them up before rubbing the back of his hand against his nose. His tooth stuck out from his mouth, he had a few pimples on his forehead and his accent was a....well kinda a darkish accent if that makes any sense. "Um...How you been?" I asked as I remembered we hadn't talked in ages.

"Fine, I passed all my tests but I really need to thank my brain for that," he went on and on about some brain facts but he talked so fast that I just wasn't picking up on anything, as bad as this sounds...I switched off. I nodded just to make him think that I was listening. "It's quiet festinating really, you just have to understand the methods behind it." Again I nodded and put on an interesting face. Is he done yet?

"Baby, your father won't be coming home today, his boss wants him to go somewhere, it's the only way he'll get that day off to take you to your first day of college." I nodded at my mother, noticing how much she hated having to sleep as if she never fell in love.

Love....that's sort of a funny word. I've never felt it but I know that....love....its meant to mean something that makes you happy and stuff like that....but it ends up....making you hurt, so how can it really be any good to anyone?

~~~~~~~~~~AT DINNER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Fay can you bring the gravy, it's hot so be careful,"

"Yes mum," I whined as I slid the chair back and made my way to the back of the kitchen. I poured the gravy into one of those glass holder things and slowly made my way back trying to balance it.

"Oh crap!"

"Zara watch your language!" my mother shouted at my sister as her fork fell to the floor.

"Here I'll get it," Jed bent down to pick up the fork and me being me, I did the imposable. I tripped on my own feet. Somehow I managed to tangle myself up and just as I fell forwards letting out a gasp, Jed sat back up, my sister's hands rose and she let out a scream. The cup of gravy slipped from my hands and my eyes widened as I saw where it was going to land. Jed's eyes followed the cup until it spilled all over his....groin!

Well....bullseye?

Just as I hit the floor I heard him screaming....he kinda sounds like a girl, well wouldn't anyone if you just throw boiling liquid over their privates!?! I quickly got to my knees to see Jed running around, jumping and screaming with the pain. His parents were trying to calm him down so they could wipe it off. His mother was treating him like a baby and his dad looked as if he was the one in pain.

"My poor baby!" his mother screeched as she yet again tried to stop him from jumping.

I looked back at the table to see my sister smirking at the scene. I turned to look at my very distressed mother. I got to my feet and was about to make my way towards Jed when I felt someone's tight grip around my elbow,

"I think you should go up to your room before you cause any more trouble," I looked deep into my mother's eyes, trying to make her see that me being this way, all trippy and perhaps the biggest failure in our family was something I really didn't mean to be. But instead, I saw her....disappointment in me, the way she wished she had a daughter who didn't screw up, a daughter like Zara.

"But....I..."

"Just go Fay," my mother whispered again to me. I couldn't take looking into her icy blue eyes any more so I quickly made my way to my room. How the hell did I manage to slip? Well, there goes him not labeling me as a freak, even I know am fully accepting the whole I'm a freak. I could still hear the commotion going on downstairs as I pressed my pillow over my ears tighter.

My mum's gonna get her head done in.

~~~~~~~~~AN HOUR LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mother came into my room as they left.

"What?" I muttered as I wiped the tear of rejection from my eyes. I was facing the other way not wanting her to see the tears falling down my cheek because that'll just show I'm weak and that's the one thing I'll never except anyone saying to me.

That would be the worse thing. Worse than being the worlds biggest freak.

"I'm sorry honey, I shouldn't have lost my temper like that," she whispered as she sat on the edge of the bed stroking my back gently, "I just wanted everything to go perfectly....we're a small quiet family...I guess everyone's not used to the whole 'accident thing' especially at a dinner party."

But that's just it, I try and fit in with my family but...I just don't belong, I'm more the fun, laud bubbly person...I just don't get the chance to show it. Sometimes it feels like I'm forced into this little box with a hundred different labels and being shipped off the a warehouse where I'll be chucked into some dark, dusty corner and forgotten about.

"Am I forgiven?" I sat straight up on my bed and looked down at my bed covers pouting, I then looked up at her and threw my hands around her....which almost kinda slapped her in the face but she managed to dodge and pulled me into a tighter hug, "I love you, baby,"

"Love you too," I whispered back as she rubbed my back and then pulled away pulling a strand of hair away from my face.

"Way go Fay! You made dinner interesting!" My sister cheered as she made her way to her room. I couldn't help but flick the finger in front of my mum. She made that gasp noise before slapping my hand down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive to St Calves college took us two days so we left a day early. I fell asleep with the excitement but also fear circling my stomach. I was being shaken awake by my father. I groaned before slowly opening my eyes only to see a blurred face in front and covering my view.

"Mmmm....Dad, you're not the prettiest thing to see the minute I wake up," I moaned as I yawned and starched. "So where-OWE!" I screamed out as my head banged against the top of the car. How many times is this gonna happen to me!?! My father chuckled before grabbing my hand and pulling me out from the car. The sun hit my eyes straight on and I squinted covering my eyes with my hand.

"Welcome to your new home bunny," when I finally managed to open my eyes fully and drop my hand to my side I was confused. All I saw were cars in a really ugly car park with a park just a few feet away; ok that park was beautiful with the mini river. "Oh sorry bun, here, welcome to your new home!"

Dad turned me around to see the other side. Three tall glass buildings stood tall, two facing each other as the other faced the park. My mouth fell open as I saw how....modern it all looked! Everything was in great condition! I mean, the grass was as green as ever! The sky, a bright warming blue and the kids walking around. A small bridge lined up leading to the park and I knew behind those buildings was a football pitch for the boys or whoever.

This place cost thousands and for the first time, I felt happy tears rise. I turned to face dad as I wrapped my arms around him. Nothing right now could explain how I was feeling, the gratitude I owed both my parents. This will be such a great new start, and plus a new aspect of me had been added.

I and dad talked about how I was never to let the same things happen again as in high school, so he taught me some moves to perform on people who treated me differently in a bad way. Not that I actually understood them but it was worth listening to either way.

"Now be careful, and if you EVER need anything, even if it's to come home....just call, don't even think for a second not too, promise?"

"I promise!" I yelled giving him a kiss on the cheek and then moving onto my already crying mother. She tried to get breaths in as she cried, her black mascara smudged under her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her neck and held her tight against me. "I love you mum," I said as I pulled away and kissed her lightly on the cheek, "Now get out of here!" I yelled at them showing them to the car again.

All my belongings had been moved here already and were waiting for me in my dorm. I had received the key a week ago and only once my parents drove off did I grip my shoulder bag and with a smile plastered on my face walked into campus. The noise filled my thoughts in as soon as I stepped in....but people weren't rushing around like in the movies, no way! Things where controlled.

Plus I couldn't help but think, I'm better off here, I don't fit in with my family, I might fit in here....who knows?

A new start is all I need, maybe it could make a woman of me, I can finally be a teenager without any stupid social structure holding me back.