THE CROWDED HOUSE

EPISODE 2

CHAPTER 2

TIME: A week later.

SETTING: Same as Scene 1.

AT RISE: All are busy with the same activities as in SCENE 1, except for MARTIN and WILLY, who hold a large red cape between them, flapping it at the GOAT.

MARTIN: Here, Billy Goat, Billy Goat, Billy Goat!

WILLY: Here, you old goat-come and play bullfight!

MOTHER: Martin! Willy! Stop that at once! I told you not to tease that goat. (GOAT seems uninterested in cape.)

TOм: He'll butt you!

MEG: Or he'll butt me! (Gathers up dolls and pulls fearfully out of the way)

MARTIN: Oh, Mother, there's really no harm.

WILLY: It's only bulls that charge at red things. Goats don't mind. See? (Waves cape at GOAT again. GOAT suddenly lowers horns and charges for cape.) Help!

MARTIN: Watch out! Help! Help! (MARTIN and WILLY, still holding on to the cape, dash out of GOAT's path, run around churn, etc., pursued by GOAT.)

ALL: Watch out! Help! You see? We told you! You bad boys! (FATHER runs after GOAT, finally manages to catch him. FATHER holds GOAT down, speaks to GOAT very nervously.)

FATHER: There, there, old goat. (GOAT tries to rise. All watch nervously.) No! No! Mustn't chase after nice people. Shhhh! (While others watch uneasily, a knock at the door is heard. FATHER places a hand to forehead.) Come in. (BARTHOLOMEW enters, bows.)

BARTHOLOMEW: Good day to you, my friends. OTHERS: Good day, Bartholomew.

BARTHOLOMEW (Still cheerful): How are you this fine winter's morning? Has the goat been helpful?

FATHER: It's dreadful! Dreadful!

GRANNY: We're worse off than ever before.

ALL: This goat is terrible. We've had a dreadful week. Awful!

BARTHOLOMEW: Dear me. Dear me! You really do have troubles.

FATHER: Please, good Bartholomew, tell us what to do. We need help very badly.

BARTHOLOMEW (Stroking his beard): Very well, friend John. This is what you must do. Go out to the barnyard and fetch your six chickens. Bring them into this room to live with you.

ALL: What? The chickens, too? Into this room? BARTHOLOMEW: Do as I say,

Fiddle-dee-dum

Or go your own way. That's all the advice You'll hear from me. (Turns, as if to go)

Fiddle-dee-dee,

MOTHER: Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Don't be angry, Bartholomew. We'll do as you say.

BARTHOLOMEW: Very well. In seven days and seven nights, I shall return to see how you are faring. Good day. (Exits)

GRANNY: Chickens!

MOLLY: The goat was bad enough!

FATHER: Old Bartholomew is the wisest man in the village. I think we should obey him. I'll go fetch the chickens. (Exits)

MOTHER (Shaking her head): Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I very much fear That we won't like having Those chickens in here.