Unlikeable

Pain

A few days later, the only thing I could do was think about Connor. He was a boy, and he liked talking to me. Maybe it was the weed, but he seemed to like me; it had me floating on cloud nine. But it was Monday morning, and I had to return to the hellhole that we teenagers called school. I had to face the people whom I hated the most in after having a great weekend.

As of now, everything was going great. I made sure to stay out of everyone's way and kept my head down. I wanted to get through the next week without being seen. At least it helped for half of the day. Everything was going well until I ran into Robin, my true enemy; the girl hated me for no reason, and she lived to make my life a living hell. We were once friends in middle school, but once we reached high school, she became a different person.

Changing my style didn't help. She was one of the first to start calling me names and all of the above. She was also the one whom I beat in the head with the book. One would have thought she would have left me alone, but she wanted to keep the s**t going, and I was almost at the point of doing it again.

"Pfff, why don't you go die already?"

"I'm already dead, maybe I should get you to join me in the afterlife... Rrrr!" I laughed as the b***h jumped back. She talked a lot of bull, but she was a scared little w***e. It was funny to me, and today I felt like the demon everyone called me, so whenever one of them said something to me, I did something to make them run.

For once, I left school happy and went home to play with my baby brother. Seeing him smile brightens my day. He loved me, and I loved him back. I couldn't imagine my life without him, even though I was a bit upset when my mom told me that she was having another baby. I was seventeen and thought that my mom was too old to be having a baby. Then I had to remember she was thirty-three and sixteen when she had me. She was still young, and I was being a spoiled brat. I was like that her whole pregnancy until his little hand wrapped around my finger. I fell in love that day.

"Wow, I knew you were sexy, but you didn't tell me you had a little homie at home. You don't look like you had a baby."

"Because I didn't. Connor, meet my little Roman, he's six months old and my best friend." I smiled, kissing his cheek, causing him to giggle and try to grab my hair. He wasn't about to pull my front lace off in front of Connor. My hair looked like a hot mess underneath it. It was time for me to get a new do, but I had to wait until the end of the week.

"A girl like you must have a ton of friends."

"People, think I'm a freak. My style scares them... most of them think I worship the devil. I love dressing dark, but I wear colors that they don't understand and don't take the time to do so. I mean, I had friends, but they were fake, so I decided that it would be best not to socialize with them."

It was that simple. I didn't need friends who were fake in my face and talked behind my back. That's how the people whom I thought were my friends were. They all acted like it was bad for me to be a dark person and an atheist, which most thought was weird. I didn't question their beliefs, but since I didn't believe in God or the Devil, which they didn't know. Well, all of them thought I was a devil worshiper.

"Why didn't you try to make new friends. There have to be people in your school like you."

"There are, but like the others, they are fake but don't get talked down on as I do. I think it's because I'm rich and can have anything and everything I want, but I chose to dress like a weirdo."

Connor took a deep breath as I looked at him like he was crazy. I didn't have to dress like every other rich person in the world. I wanted my own style, not something that matches everybody else, and sometimes I was a little eccentric, but it was my style, and I loved it.

Yet I could see him judging me, and I didn't have the time or the energy for his bullshit. Therefore, I stood and started walking back to my house when he grabbed my arm.

"Let Go Of Me! You're Like Everyone Else, And Here I Was Thinking You Were Different!" I was pissed and didn't want to hear his excuses. That's all, everyone, these days did. Make excuses and solutions of how I can make friends. I wanted a friend who liked me for who I was, not who they wanted me to be.

"You been out back smoking some gas? And you didn't give me any."

"Dad, you don't even smoke, and if Mom figures that out, she's going to have a fit especial when she learns I had Roman out with me. She said no smoking in her house, so I smoked on the balcony. She got mad about that... She’s so worried about me ending up as she did as a teen, but I'm not the same person she was. Mom was popular in high school, while I'm a shutout. No one likes me, not even the boys. I have no friends."

"I get it, Pumpkin, but your Mom worries. She loves you and doesn't want to see you sad. And you don't need friends to have Papa Bear at home to protect his cub. I love the person you are, and I hope you continue to be that person. Don't let anyone in this world change you unless it's your choice."

It seemed like the only person who understood me at the time was my dad. He was also in my corner and didn't fuss about what I did. He didn't like that I smoked, but he would rather have me do it at home in his face than behind his back with people who may not have been trustworthy. Still, he didn't understand my pain and the mess that I had to go through at school.

"Could you go to my school and tell the people there what you just told me? It's hard being there and getting bullied every day, where the teacher turns a blind eye."

"And you are just telling me this, Kehlani? I would have gone..."

"Yeah, to make the mess worse. I know you would have gone down there, but I only have a week left of school, and I'm done. And you should be happy I'm following in your footsteps and going to Harvard for med school." He smiled and pulled me into a hug when my mom walked in with some bags. I knew what that meant, so without a word, my dad and I quickly made our way out to the car to grab the rest of the bags.

*

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Later that night, I found myself sitting on my balcony, listening to music while writing in my journal. I loved to write poems; it soothed my heart. When I write, I feel a heavy weight lifted from my shoulders, as if I'm the only person in the world. It took away all the drama I had faced for the day. Writing helped, and I loved it.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

"Go the f**k away, Connor," I whispered back. I didn't want to talk to him. He was like everyone else. He didn't want to be a friend; he wanted to see what he could change in me. Mostly, he wanted me to be like him and all the other normal teenagers that he knew. As I stated, I liked who I was, and I wasn't changing it for anyone in the world but me.

Conner and everyone else needed to understand that. So, nothing that he said was going to work. He and I were done with whatever friendship we had. I didn't need him, and if he thought that, well, he was dumb as s**t. I didn't want to talk, so I flipped him off and went back into my bedroom as my mom walked in, looking mad as hell.

"He's the neighbor, and I met him when they moved in the other week. I was in the backyard, and he was exploring their property. It may be time to put up the fence you mentioned to keep unwanted people out of our yard."

"What? I don’t know what you are talking. I came to tell you I got called into work, and you need to watch Roman... and, Kehlani, stop pushing people out of your life because they say one thing you don't like. Look, I have to go, so make sure you don't leave the house."

"I never leave the house when I have him, and if I do. Roman goes with me; stop treating me as if I don't know what to do. Go, Love You, please be careful." I shrugged, then hugged my mother, taking my brother with me. He and I were about to watch Bluey until he fell asleep. Then, if I felt like it in the morning, I could think about what Mom said and talk to Connor then. First, I wanted to talk to her. I had so many things on my mind, and the only person who could answer them was her.

*

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The next morning, Roman and I woke to the smell of Mom's cooking. He was ready to eat, but I had to use the bathroom for my morning routine, and he needed a diaper change and more. Once that was done, we meant Mom downstairs with a smile.

"Mama!

"There's my Romie and my Noe bug."

"Mom! Stop calling me that... where's Dad?" I questioned as she pointed to their room, and I nodded. I wanted to talk to her and only her. It wasn't that I didn't want Dad to know, I thought she would be the better person to talk to.

"I thought about what you said last night, and it's nothing like that. I want a friend who understands me. Connor...."

"As in the boy next door." She smiled, wiggling her body as I stared at her. It wasn't like that between Connor and me. Plus, I only met him two weeks ago. I didn't know him, and he surely didn't want me. I also didn't know what I wanted in a boy.

"Yes, but I don't like him like that. Connor's sexy, but he's two years older than me. I'm sure he's looking for a girl with experience. He seemed like he wanted to be a friend, but then he started talking about what I needed to do. I like who I am, and I don't want to change it... Do you see a problem with me?"

"Why would you ask me that, Baby? You are beautiful inside and out. I love the way you dress because it shows you have your own style. If people don't like it, then to hell with them. Look at me, you're Beautiful."

"Then why don't I feel like it? Why do I feel the need to hurt myself to make me feel better? I smoke weed to kill the pain, and I write it away with my blood." I cried as I finally revealed my arms to her. I had new and old cuts up and down my arms and some on the inner parts of my thighs.