Scarred Cliff

Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Mal

I grumble as I pull my jacket around me tighter. The rain hasn’t stopped yet, and I’m starting to get really cold. I didn’t really get wet when I dashed over from the bus stop, but my jacket is cold and it doesn’t help with keeping me warm now that the temperature is quickly dropping, since it’s starting to get dark.

Where’s Dylan? Why is he so late? He’s normally here by now on a Tuesday. I know his teaching schedule, he should be back already... Where is he? I just want to get inside and take a warm shower, that’s all.

I pull my guitar and bag further under the cover above the door, making sure they’re both staying dry. I didn’t actually message Dylan that I’d be coming over, on account of having forgotten my phone in the band’s van, and the van being at the place where the rest of the band is staying...

Obviously, that’s nowhere near here...

Sighing, I stretch. I’ll have to go pick it up tomorrow or something, but not today.

It’s no surprise that the guy who was letting us crash at his place kicked me out... I’ve not been in the best mood lately, and I was in a particularly shitty mood today. I don’t know why, but I got into a huge argument with him and then he kicked me out... So, now I’m at Dylan’s a week earlier than planned. I just hope that he’s okay with it, not that he would deny me anything, not him, but still, I don’t like imposing like this on him.

A car drives up to the side of the house, I recognise the sound of the crappy motor of Dylan’s car, the guy really needs to let someone check it out, it doesn’t sound right.

I wait at the door, not wanting to get out in the rain to greet him, no use, when he’s coming over here any moment anyway. I don’t want to get colder than I already am.

Right on cue, Dylan steps from behind the hedge that keeps his place separate from his parents’, his eyes going wide in surprise when he sees me. “Mal?”

“Hey.” I flash him my best grin. “Change of plans, thought I could crash at your place a little early.”

He shakes his head, smiling, as he steps past me to open the door. “Got kicked out again?”

“Meh.” I shrug. “I got kicked out, I left. Technicalities.” I’m about to turn around to follow him inside, when movement at the hedge pulls my attention back… As I glance over, my heart sinks.

No way. No f*****g way.

My throat immediately closes up and I blink as I stare at her. Mia! She’s here!

“Hey.” She smiles, but her eyes are troubled as she puts her hair behind her ear, letting me see her beautiful eyes better, very sad but beautiful eyes.

“Hey.” My voice skips and I step closer to her, no longer caring about the rain. I take her in my arms, pulling her as close as I can, not able to believe she’s here. After all this time, she’s here. My head goes all muddy as thoughts race around, our past in collision with our present. No way.

“You’ve gained muscles.” She laughs into my chest as she leans into me.

“You’ve gained sexy curves.” Which are very easy to feel against me when she’s holding me like this, this almost desperate hold we have on each other. f*****g hell, she feels good against me, after all this time. “I’m sorry about your grandma.”

I still can’t believe she’s gone. I’ve spent many a night there, especially these last few years, when the guys got tired of me. She made me do chores around the house in exchange for a place to sleep and a place for me to practice without disturbing anyone. It’s still strange that she’s gone.

“I’m sorry about Poppy.” Her voice gives out and the words are like a punch to my gut. My own tears start streaming down my cheeks as my heart breaks all over again.

Poppy, my twin sister... She... She killed herself a couple of years back. It’s only ten days to the anniversary of her death. f*****g hell... I tried to push it from my mind, but of course, that never works, it still hurts every day. Just staying alive is a constant reminder that she’s no longer with us.

“Hey, get inside you two.” Dylan is suddenly very close to us, pushing us in the direction of the door. “You can talk there. I’m grabbing Mia’s suitcases, but you two should make sure you don’t get cold. Towels are by the bathroom door.” His voice is soft, careful, and I realise that he’s looking way too calm to have told Mia yet...

She doesn’t know. She knows about Poppy’s death, but not about any of the rest surrounding it. She doesn’t know any of what has happened these last years yet. Because no matter how calm Dylan can be around people, he can’t talk about these last years without breaking down.

And suddenly, I don’t need to get inside so badly anymore...

“It’s fine that you don’t want to wear wet jeans, but at least put on something else.” Dylan is glaring at me as I step out of his bathroom.

“Lend me something of yours, I didn’t pack more jeans.” I shrug, I kind of had to get out in a hurry and jeans always take too much space in a bag.

“Fine, you can wear my sweats or whatever. You know where they are.” He turns back to the counter where he’s making us something to drink and a couple of things to eat.

I grin at Mia as I slip into his bedroom, getting a wicked wink from her. As I mostly close the door behind me, grabbing one of Dylan’s pairs of sweats and pulling them on, I call out to him. “Mia doesn’t mind watching me lounge around the house half-naked.”

When the door opens more, Dylan is looking around the corner and I nearly jump, I hadn’t realised he was this close. “I don’t mind either, but I don’t want your nearly-naked ass all over my couch.” He winks and then goes back into the living room.

Fucking hell, asshole. He knows I get hard when he looks at me like that... Teasing me when he knows that we probably won’t be doing anything tonight, not with Mia around.

I quickly grab my wet jeans from the bathroom and hang them on a rack to dry, before I join Mia on the couch, trying to sit as close to her as possible. She’s now wearing a pair of her own sweats, all comfy and cuddly, and I want to wrap myself around her, but I also know that we need to get a couple of things out of the way first, especially before she meets Tom and Elly. It would be bad if she saw them without knowing the whole story...

“Why are you both looking at me like that?” Mia’s voice is weary. “Like something really bad is about to happen.”

When I finally look up, Dylan is looking at me and I know that I should be the one to tell her this. “What do you know about Poppy’s death?” It still hurts to say her name, to even think of it.

She looks at me, her eyes so sad, as she takes my hands. “Just that it happened. That she’d been having problems and that she...” She swallows, her eyes filling with tears. “She died.”

I nod, dreading what I’ll have to tell her, to remember everything. “The summer you stopped showing up, Poppy and Tom got into a relationship. They married soon after he got his first job, and a year or two later they bought a house together. They wanted a family. It took them a while, but Poppy got pregnant. Only, something was off about her. It started before she got pregnant, but it was especially strong the last months of her pregnancy.” My voice gives out, and I take a shuddering breath, trying to get enough air into my lungs to keep talking.

I don’t want to remember this, but I have to. “After Elly’s birth, everything seemed fine for a while, until the darkness returned with a force we didn’t expect. She... She...” Dylan’s arms slide around me and I gratefully lean against him, not able to continue. Everything hurts too much, my head, my heart.

Dylan takes a slow breath. “One night, while all of us were just hanging out, she went for a walk, said she needed some fresh air, and she didn’t come back. We searched all over the place, in the middle of the night, it was raining really badly that night, so it was hard to see anything. In the end, we found her at the bottom of the cliff, the sea about ready to wash her away. She’d killed herself. She’d left a note on Tom’s pillow, saying that she couldn’t do it anymore, that it was too much. That she couldn’t keep going.”

“No,” Mia’s whisper is so full of disbelieve. “She... She wouldn’t...” She’s staring at me, her eyes wide, but filled with tears.

“She wasn’t the girl you knew anymore. She wasn’t...” My voice wavers, and the next moment my arms are full of Mia, full of the girl I’ve always loved.

I can’t even explain my pain to her, or the pain we’ve all felt these last years. But I don’t think I have to, because even though we’ve all ‘dated’ Mia during the summers she was here, it was Poppy who she spent the most time with. The two were inseparable. I guess that knowing Poppy died and knowing how she died are two different things, especially when it’s something horrific as this.

I slide my fingers over her back, holding her tightly, needing her. “She always loved you,” I whisper into her hair. Even though it’s true, I don’t know why I tell her, why I feel I need to tell her that.

“I’m sorry.” Mia’s voice is rough as she sits back, staring at the both of us. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“I don’t think there’s anything anyone could have done in the end.” Dylan lets out a slow breath, his chest moving against my back. “She was seeing a psych, she was on medication. She tried everything, we tried everything. But we had no idea that this was how she felt, that she wanted to end it all. None of us had any idea, until it was too late.”

“And Tom?” Her voice is so small as she stares at her hands.

I swallow hard. “He still lives in the house, with their daughter. He’s... It’s been hard, but he’s making it work for both of them.” Even though I can see the darkness of Poppy’s loss in Tom’s eyes every time I see him, he seems to be able to manage his grief a lot better than I can. I’m a coward, so much so that I try to stay anywhere but at Tom’s place, if I can, because it hurts too much. It just hurts too much, and with Mia here... It all feels so raw all over again.

Tom may have been the guy Poppy married, but Mia was Poppy’s first big love. I suspect Mia was the first big love for every one of us, no matter how cheesy that sounds.

When I saw Mia in the rain just now, how lost she seemed, I knew that nothing was the same anymore. That we’ve all changed, we all broke into pieces, ever since she stopped coming here, including Mia herself.