When I Gave Him My Heart, He Regretted It

Chapter 4

My chest jolted hard. I half-crouched on the ground and picked up the phone with its spiderwebbed cracked screen.

My voice trembled, almost a plea, "Mom, Ethan's getting married now. You ruined his life once. You can't do it a second time!"

On the other end of the line, Luna's voice was just as hoarse, "Zoe, I don't care. Whether he's ruined or not has nothing to do with me. As long as he pays up enough, everything else is negotiable..."

My ice-cold fingers clenched the phone so tight my knuckles whitened.

The jagged shards of the broken screen sliced into my palm, and blood oozed steadily down my hand.

I couldn't hold it back any longer. All my self-control shattered, and I broke down completely.

"Why do I have a mom like you? Do you have any idea how much I hate you?"

The line went dead quiet for a long, heavy stretch. When she finally snapped back, her voice was cold and sharp as shards of ice, "Zoe, I know you think this is low and disgusting. But does any of that matter? Next to your life and your dad's life? Not one bit."

"Three years ago, I threw my conscience away to save your dad. The karma didn't hit me—it hit you. I had no choice. Hate me all you want, blame me for everything, it doesn't matter. I can't lose the both of you. Ethan just won that big award, and he's at the peak of his career. If we ask him for money, he'll pay up for sure."

My nails dug hard into my already bleeding palm as I pressed a hand to my throbbing, racing heart. I could barely breathe through the sharp, searing pain in my chest.

Her voice softened, rougher and more ragged than before.

"Zoe, you can still get better. Mom just wants you to focus on getting treatment, and just... live, okay?"

How was I supposed to focus on treatment?

How could I ever really hate her?

I could only hate myself for not being capable enough back then. If I'd had the money to get dad the best treatment, I never would have made that terrible choice to cover his medical bills.

I could only hate that I'd gotten sick in the first place. If I wasn't ill, my mom would be able to let go of all this garbage and live a normal, peaceful life.

Thick, biting snowflakes pelted my face. I blinked back the stinging burn in my eyes and spotted the frozen lake in the distance.

The early winter ice had swallowed every last spark of life from the water beneath.

It felt like if I just drifted off to sleep there, the next time I opened my eyes, it would be lush, vibrant spring again.

I sniffled and started walking slowly toward the lake, one heavy step at a time. "Mom, I'm sorry..."

I couldn't keep dragging you down with me anymore.

The icy water crept up past my neck, and I let it swallow me whole, no resistance at all...

Through the hazy fuzz of my fading consciousness, Ethan appeared before me, just like he had that year. He pulled off his motorcycle helmet and smiled, holding a hand out to me.

"Zoe, don't be scared. I've got your back."

But the sweet memory popped like a bubble the next second. Jake was there, jabbing a finger straight in my face, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Zoe, do you even have a heart? Do you know Ethan had a heart attack and almost died on the operating table? Do you know all those terrible news comments and online hate got so bad he was too scared to even go to the hospital to pick up his meds?"

"If you really feel so sorry for what you did, just go die already! Die and make up for all the harm you caused!"

Tears blurred my vision. If hell was real, I'd go there willingly, and do whatever it took to atone for every last one of my sins.

But I didn't get my wish.

When I blinked my eyes open again, the sharp, acrid smell of hospital disinfectant burned my nose, and the harsh glare of the overhead incandescent lights was so bright I had to squint.

The first face I saw was one that felt both unfamiliar and too well-known.

Yvonne Lewis.

The tabloid reporter who'd leaked those intimate photos of me and Ethan three years ago, then worked with my mom to cement the scandal as fact.

She was the one who'd saved me.

When she saw I was awake, she smiled and held her phone out in front of my face.

When I saw the trending news headline, my heart clenched so hard it ached. The title blared right in front of me.

#GeniusEthanGoadsStrugglingActressIntoSuicidetoProveHerDevotion!—in the viral clip.

Ethan handed me my phone with an icy scowl before turning on his heel and walking away without so much as a backward glance.

The next cut showed me, eyes swimming with raw, gut-wrenching grief, as I let the cold lake water creep up past my neck.

There was no other way to read it—anyone who watched the clip would assume I'd tried to kill myself out of utter despair after being humiliated.

I stared blankly for half a second, then everything clicked into place all at once.

I hurled the phone straight at her, voice hoarse with rage. "Yvonne, are you out of your damn mind? You already ruined him once! Do you really want to do it a second time?"

Yvonne just let out a soft, cold little laugh. "You've got that wrong, Miss Sloane. I'm not the one who ruined him. You and Luna are. Someone's willing to pay ten times the going rate. Wanna team up again like we did three years ago? Let's work together and ruin him again. You don't have to feel guilty about it, y'know. High achievers always draw fire. Even if we don't do this, someone else will..."

Right as she finished speaking, a strange hunch made me lift my head, and my heart clenched so hard I could barely breathe.

Ethan and Jake were standing right in the doorway. They'd heard every single word.