CATHARSIS

Retrospection

RETROSPECTION

It takes mighty courage to endure a horrible stormy night,

let alone wake up to the sight of storm-ravaged terrain.

But it takes mightier courage to talk about the ordeal

and encapsulate all suppressed emotions into writing.

Here I am, yet again,

trying to recount the horrific memory of Typhoon Odette

while a large part of my subconscious is making a futile effort to tuck away the remnants of that fateful night.

It had been more than a month now,

and I trained myself to not dwell on things that were way beyond my control.

(‘Trained’ might be too structured a word).

It was not that conscious or that regimented.

It was more a case of having learned

through instinct

or pain

or sweet self-preservation

to not think too much about unpleasant circumstances

not tend to get worked up about things over which I have no control.

(Sometimes you just got to convince yourself that way one more lousy time.)

But that night, and up to now, I am a nervous wreck.

And I laughed.

I laughed at our utter vulnerabilities.

At our helplessness.

At the realization that we, humans, fall prey, time, and again, to our wickedness.

How naïve of us to claim dominion over sweet ol’ Mother Earth only to fall at the mercy of nature’s wrath.

We do not deserve her.

We, however, deserve every cataclysmic pulse of her rage.

Then, I cried.

Cried over my frightened son's disbelief.

Cried over my neighbors’ tribulations.

Cried over my torn roof.

Cried, and LAUGHED at the same time.

You see,

was my only course of action,

my only weapon,

and my only form of defense against Odette.

Excuse the sarcasm.

What about you?

Have you not felt gnawing guilt deep in the recesses of your conscience?

that WE HAVE SOMEHOW CAUSED ALL OF NATURE’S FURY?

I can only surmise.

Sigh.