Her Absolution

Chapter 22

   It’s Monday. Sarah, Marcus, Camille, Kenneth, and I are eating lunch in the cafeteria. I don’t know where Ashton is, maybe outside smoking but I don't want to know. Saturday was like a little roller coaster; we started the work of the presentation. I'm just glad we got done a lot of the work so that we don't have to get together a lot. We thought that for the remaining of the meetings we'll meet at Joanne's dinner. The problem was Megan. She most certainly was mean again and bitched a lot, but it’s who she is.

    For the majority of the time, we ignore her, but I guess at one point Ashton had enough. I have to realize that he holds it in. When we saw him, his face was red, and his brows were creased of how angry he was. He held it in a lot; I don’t blame him it was a discomfort her being here. He told her to shut up and finish her part of the work here or to do it someplace else because he could not take anymore of her bullshit. When she told him that he couldn't tell her what to do, hell broke loose.

    They started fighting like crazy people, yelling, pointing at each other, screaming, saying stuff to the other to hurt them, and throwing insults. They were like that for 20 minutes until I had enough and told them to shup the f**k. They shut themselves up after that, but you can still see the anger in there faces and feel the tension in the air. We went back to work on the assignment after that stupid argument. I knew that was going to happened.

    Marcus and Camille didn’t say anything they kept looking at us form one person to the other. Camille didn't interfere because she didn't like to meddle in others life. Marcus did nothing because he wants to see what was going to happened and report to Sarah. 

    We stay like that for an hour and a half more. Megan was the first to leave not even saying goodbye or glancing back. A few minutes later Ashton did too, but not before apologizing for his rudeness. Is that all he does now days, apologize? The three of us stayed in the shed for an hour just catching up and then we went to the house to eat, I was starving.

    We spent that Saturday playing and goofing around. Mom told me she was happy seeing me this way and not close up like before. For the rest of the day, she had a big smile on her face and dad sometimes smiled too. Sunday came and I decided to relax, I went to the shed and tidy it up a little. Then I took the painting that I hid the day before and finish it. I didn’t know what time it was, but mom brought me a plate of food and when I look up it was nightfall. I spent the whole day there, painting. 

    And now here we are chatting away, carefree. I haven’t seen Megan and I don’t want to. She is someone that will make your life a living hell. Better for her to keep her distance from me. Even more after that little conversation that we had two days ago. I now know that her intensions to me are because of Ashton, she thinks she can bully me or treat me bad because I was interested on Ashton. 

    I’m in a good place and I want to stay there, she can ruin that. I’m still going to therapy and support group, and I will keep going. I need to completely heal. Dad also seems to be on the right track of getting better, but I don’t want to jinx it. I guess we are pulling our life’s and not letting ourselves deteriorate any more than we did.

    I increased my therapy sessions with dr. Cambridge, to three times a week. They are on Monday, Thursday, and Saturdays in the afternoon. No more going only on Friday’s. I started talking more openly about the fire, Asher, Ryan, the baby, and the miscarriage. It’s been a lot, but I need it. Actually, this afternoon I have a session with dr. Cambridge. Speaking of that, I need to remind Sarah of this. 

“Hey, remember I have a session with dr. Cambridge. You still want to come with me?” I ask her since she said she wasn’t in the mood for her last class. "Sure. Better than to stay here. Not really in the mood for classes."  She told me she was ditching and to give her a ride this morning. 

    That she wasn’t going to stay around for Marcus. If she, did it will probably make things worse, and she'll get caught ditching. And she isn’t in the best of terms with the vice principal after her little visit a few weeks ago. "So, you don't mind waiting in her office?" She gave me this are you kidding me look. 

“I don’t mind. I can just catch up with Josh.” Well, there is that. Josh and Sarah are to pillars of gossipers. They exchange whatever they know just to know about others life. I imagine them when they get old, they will be around the neighbourhood prying into others life just for the thrill of it and to get rid of boredom.

    Lunch went by with me not seeing Ashton. I miss seeing him even from a distant. But I guess I was just another girl for him to mess around with. Whatever. Let him be. I though he was better than the rumours of him, but I guess not. Sometimes I think I know what’s going through that mind of his and sometimes I don’t know what is going through it. This is driving me crazy.

    The thing is that even if Ashton and I don’t really know each other but it feels like we do. I feel that I know him. And this physical attraction that we have for each other is not helping the situation. I know that we had this, this he can deny or mistake it. It feels almost like a string is pulling us together. It sounds crazy but it’s the truth, it’s what I feel whenever I’m around him. 

    Not only that but a big ball of energy surrounding us, Sarah says it’s just s****l tension. But I think is something more. Something much more than s****l desire or liking each other. What could it be? Not to forget that any chance Ashton has he looks at me, at first, I thought it was my imagination because I felt someone watching me but no. Last week I caught him looking at me like five times in one class, one day. Other days and classes too. 

    This morning he saw me a few times, every time I look at him, he stops looking at me. Sometimes I would look at him, taking advantage that he wasn't seeing me, and Ashton looked like he was having an internal battle. It hurts to see him that way, but he told me what happened between us was a mistake and he's been ignoring me. And I have complied to his way, trying myself to go back to how things where. 

    I enter the classroom for my 5th class of the day, and I see Ashton in our table in deep thoughts. This is anatomy class, but our sittings arrangement is different than other classrooms. We were seated in alphabetical order that’s why Ashton sits next to me. Also, this class doesn’t have individual desks for students it has a table and two chairs for us to sit.

    Ashton likes to sit by the window while I sit in the other chair, the one that’s by the little hall, created to separate the tables. I go and sit down, looking at Ashton. He's so deep in thoughts he hasn’t realize that I got here. Whatever it is, it must be bothering him a lot. I want to know what his thinking right now.

Ashton’s Pov:

    I keep thinking of the fight I had with dad yesterday. This one is about him not being comfortable with my plans after graduation. He is always mad at me, at what I do, my actions, my plans, everything. It seems that nothing that I do agrees with him. And everything that he does I don't agree or like it. This are the time I wish mom was still here. She would have understood me or at least let me live my life the way I want to.

    I know Autumn is sitting beside me I felt a movement on me right side and her perfume hit my nostrils. But I don’t pay attention to her, not wanting to take my anger out on her or make things worse than they already are with her. I’m really angry. I don’t want to hurt her from my words, ever. But being by her side it calms me; it calms the anger in me. I want school to be over so I can get out of here and at the same time I don't want it to end just to see her and be near her. 

    Autumn is a charm. After the way I left her house and ignore her, mistreating her, I had the balls to man up and apologize. She accepted it, maybe she doesn’t want any more trouble than she has. I told her that what happened that night it was a mistake but that's not how I feel about it. The look on her face when I told her that it made my heart feel like it was being squeeze out. Every time I see her my heart beats faster and faster. Sometimes I think I'm having a heart attack or some heart problem. 

    I don’t think she even knows what she does to me. What her perfume, her eyes, her voice, mouth, and smile make me feels. How just being beside her makes me feel calm and happy. I don't what her to think she is like those other girls I slept with or like Megan because she is far better than them. it's just I don't really know my feelings to her, they are all over the place. 

    For the past weeks I've been dreaming of our make out session in the locker room. How her small hands fit perfectly in mine. How I want to kiss those soft lips of her again and for the rest of my live. I love her moans whenever I touch her. I love how crazy I make her and how she makes me crave her. When she touched my body with her small hands, I wanted her to do it all night. When we touched each other, I felt electricity go through out my body, like it was giving it warmth. Giving us warmth.

    Ever since what occurred that night, even on her house, it keeps coming to my mind and dreams, giving me my d**k hard. Ever since we did those incredible things my body wants her and only her, if I see a girl that at one time, I liked I feel nothing. The girls are just bland, like when I see a guy friend, it's Autumn that makes my body go crazy. Every time I look at her it takes my breath away for a second. Sometimes I think I have a heart defect or something. But then why wouldn’t my heart stop be beating? When it knows that the girl with the raven black hair with green eyes is it owner. That it will always belong to her.

    I feel her tugging on my pants, making me turn to her and see her, to see those beautiful emerald, green eyes. And in that moment, I realize something. I love her. I already fell in love with her. And it was the first time I saw her. It wasn’t a few weeks ago or a year ago but when we were little. It’s the reason why I always though of her, why she has always been in the back of my mind. Of why I always asked Asher about her. Why my eyes every chance they had, they look at her making my brain memorize every little detail of her.

    In that moment I now realize what mom said to me years ago. I never understood what it meant until now, this moment. That my heart already belongs to someone. That it belongs to Autumn all this time and it will continue for the rest of this life. Because she is the owner of my heart. Holly s**t!