Her Absolution

Chapter 17

“Your eyes are the most beautiful ones I have ever seen.”

    There I said it to her. The look on her face is pure beauty as she hears my words. I told her the truth they are beautiful. Autumn is alluring and gorgeous. Everything about her is captivating, the way she laughs and smile, the way she sees the world, and the way she looks at me. When she looks at me it's like my world stops moving. 

    When Autumn looks at me she gives me all of her attention, it comes natural to her. I don't think she even knows that she is doing it. Those eyes of her, green. Green as the grass, and sometimes they are emerald. It's like they change with her mood. Every time I see her I can't stop staring at them, at her. Does she know that she makes me see only her and no one else?

    Ever since I saw her over a year ago after years of not seeing her all I do is look at her. If I know that she is going to be at the same place as me my eyes search for her. Autumn is like no other girl I have ever been with. I know I’m being cliché but it’s the truth. From the moment I saw her after her summer on her grandma's beach house I had kept my eyes on her.

    I felt like a magnet always searching for her. I kept my distance from her. I had, and still do, too much respect to her brother. We used to play against each other but I admired the guy and he too. We kept in touch and were a little more than acquaintances but we weren't close like me and Kenneth are. Still every party we both were, we step to the side and talk.

    Every time I saw her it was mesmerizing. It still is and I think it will always be. Every little chance I get to see her, those beautiful green eyes and that raven black hair, my heart will feel at ease. And every time I wasn't seeing her I was thinking of her and the next time I saw her. So, I don't really hold a grudge against Megan for cheating on me after all I did it to her but differently. I cheated on Megan emotionaly, that's why I only did what I did to her and let go of my anger towards her.

    I remember that by october of last year I thought screw everything and everyone I want her to be my gilfriend no matter what, with that I knew that I wanted her, I desire her. It wasn't because she was different or she rejected me. She didn't do those things, it was the way she portrait herself that pull me to her. But before I could do anything, even talk to Asher, I heard that she had a boyfriend. 

    So me being a gentleman decided to do nothing. It was the first time I heard she had one, so I let her. I didn't want to f**k it up, that will not make me be in her good graces. I kept watching her like before from a distance. I seem like a guy in love with his best friend and doesn't say anything to her. I'm getting sappy, too much.

    When I saw her on the first day of school at first period in my chair, my heart started beating really fast. I let her have the chair, the only reason because it was her. Another person I would have kick them out. I tried to talk to her, be close to her, but nothing work. Then on lunch hour she was talking on the phone with her sister Jen. She still doesn’t know I heard the entire conversation. 

    When she came and took my cigarette and smoke it, that made me like her more than I already did. But what made me like her more was that she wasn’t scared of what I would do to her when she took it. The way she looked was fearless for a second I saw a glimpse of the old her. The her she was never afraid to show, now she looks like a shell.

    She looked sexy smoking and at that time I could not stop the perverted thoughts going through my mind. And because it was her I didn't yelled or put her in her place like I would to someone else. Autumn doesn't make me think straight or maybe she does and I don't want to admit it. At first I knew that what I felt was attraction to her and with time it develop into more. 

    I was still with Megan. I know biggest mistake ever. But at first I thought with her she can make me forget Autumn, it didn't work. Lesson learned. I already said that I want something with Autumn but I saw Asher as a friend, and I respected the hell out of him, and that was breaking bro code. He was a good, kind, and cool guy. One of the reasons I respected him is because of his relationship with his siblings. I admired that in him, he was like me in that department. I’m the best brother to Mason and the whole world knows it. I’m not hiding from that.

    Back to the present, to her. She's still looking at me, by now I thought she would look at another direction. I can see her crumbling down that facade she built after the accident, I'm seeing her vulnerable. I just want to hold her and never let her go. She’s a fragile little person but at the same time strong, she preserve through a lot. 

    I think that every time I'm with her I'm falling in love with her. It's only been a week with her in my life, what could happen with more time? I get those thoughts out of my head. Right now I can't, she is still getting used to her new life. She is still hurting and mourning the loss of her brother. For something to happen she has to be herself and not hide. She also needs to love herself, I can see she is struggling with a lot of emotions specially how to love this new her, the one without her twin.

    When she starts loving and accepting her new her, then she'll start accepting others in her life and love them. Then maybe I can start to date her. But the Autumn in front of me, the shy and calm, is only a shell and a fraction of her is not completely her. She is feisty, bad ass, and she stands up for others. It’s the Autumn that took my cigarette without even thinking of the consequences. 

    She also used to smile and laugh more, it used to light up an entire place. Guys still see her as if they want a piece of her. But before, they used to linger, sometimes I would see them do it for more than 18 minutes. She thinks she is not hot or sexy than other girls, but she is. Always will be. Now they just see a nice rack or a nice butty and that's it. I still see the alluring but they don't anymore, they see a broken person. 

    I take my hand and caress her cheek, it makes her blush. She's blushing a lot, I can feel her cheeks getting hot. This makes me smile, she does react to me. I get close to her, she is watching my every move but doesn't stop me. My lips are an inch from hers, lightly grazing hers. I peck her lips wanting to feel them but only that, I don't trust myself with her. She makes me crave her, and that is not good. I don't want to beast out on her any time soon.

    I move from her face seeing her in shocked that I did that. I lay down on the grass and look at the stars like she wanted me. It was a little peck on her lips but I can still feel them, the softest and wonderful lips that have ever touched mine. I can smell coconut from her, she must have shower recently. I like how she smells.

“Why did you do that?”

“Is there a reason to want to kiss someone? I wanted to and I did.”

    I can feel her staring at my left side. My vision is on the dark sky and the few bright stars. But my mind is thinking of her, of what happened at the locker room back at school. I love her beautiful body and how it reacted to my touches. I lover her perky, round breast and how it felt to touch them. Her stomach is slim but you can feel a little of fat in them and on her hips. Those hips of hers are the best, they are not small but not big either, they're more in the middle category.

    Her legs may look skinny; but their far from it. Her thighs ar breath taking too. Every little thing about her is gorgeous. Even the scar on her back form the second degree burn she got it's perfect, even if I haven'r seen it. All of this little imperfections and flaws are her, making her perfect. When I touched the sacr back at the school I realize that she doesn't let others touch it.

    I wondered if it's still as big as when I saw it, when I visited her in the hospital. I got to see her because dad has a friend that works there. I wasn't supposed to be there, only instant family could visit her, but I beg them. I had to calm my mind from all the conclusions it was doing from the rumors and gossips at school. They cave in and let me see her, but I was to stay in the doorway no more. 

    When I saw her, she was on her side. Her back facing me, she was sleeping. She had a big white bandage with tapes, to keep it in place, on her back. I stayed there for like half an hour until dad's friend came to tell me I had to leave. In that time I could feel my heart being shattered. I wanted to hold and hug her, to tell her she was going to be okay.

    I was glad she was okay, that she made it alive from the fire. At the same time I felt repulse thinking about that. Yes she got out alive and with not more damages but her brother died in there, and she saw and heard it. It could have been worse, I'm relieved that it didn't, that it didn't end with her being gone too. 

    I found out what happened through grandad. I was in shocked and angry that Asher died. He was good and deserve better but sometimes the world is cruel to good people. I went to his funeral and a couple of days later I visited his grave again, telling him that I miss him challenging me and saying that he would kick my butt on the field. He said this every year and every year I get to kick his butt. 

    I sometimes visited him when I went and visited my mom. To me with those two in there the cementery got crowded. Now I don't go, not wanting to get sad and angry at the world. The last 4 months I haven't visit mom's grave, it has been the longest that I haven't gone. 

“You know Ashton you should let the world see this side of you, the kind and gentle person.”

“But I do. To those that I care and are near me, my family.”

“Do you? I mean you told me you constantly fight with your dad. Does he know this side of you or just the boy who gets in trouble? Don't hide yourself, like me. Don't let the ones near you to only see this side of you.”

I only answer her with honesty. The world doesn't need to know about this side of me. 

“Like you say babe only for those near me. The ones I love.”

She looks at me and gives me a small smile and looks up at the sky.

“Whatever you say.”

After a few minutes of silence I break it.

“He has a girlfriend. My dad got himself a girlfriend and that's one of the reasons we constantly argue.”

    We don't say anything else and see the sky and the bright stars. We stay like that for long time. I look to my side and see her eyes close. I called her name but doesn't answer. I smile a little, she feel asleep. I don't try and wake her up remembering she has insomnia. I carry her to her bedroom and put her in the bed. 

    I go to the door and whisper good night. Last thing I see is her moving to the side, her black raven hair cascading down her bed like a waterfall. I turn off the bedroom lights and close her door. I go to Parker’s room and drop myself on the bed. I went to sleep thinking of Autumn. That night I dreamt of a beautiful woman and her emerald eyes with black hair moving in all directions while she runs through the grass.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This chapter is longer for uploading last night at a late hour. Tell me if I have any kinds of error. Thank you.

Good night.