Challenge the Alpha

Chapter fourteen - Do Not Say Her Name

**I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year, I took the time off writing myself but you can expect updates twice a week. Would love comments and feedback, I'm sure you can tell I'm fairly new to this.**

Rollo;

The winter had picked up lately and the grown was often hidden beneath a blanket of white. I used to love the snow, the cold, the time to stay in and cosy up with friends. But since Indie left, I couldn't bear to be inside.

I refused to see her after I ran. I fled into the woods. Marcus linked me repeatedly. She asked if he'd seen or heard from me over and over and I just blocked it out. I hated myself for it. Clay hated me for it. The relationship with my wolf was a struggle. Every relationship was a struggle. I couldn't stand being around anyone. I struggled to find kindness or love for my pack.

Clay had kept his promise and been a good leader, a great Alpha. He stepped in whenever I needed. But we never said her name. We never talked about it.

The first few weeks weren't so bad. Everyone expected her back. No one seemed concerned, but as the time crept on and we heard nothing, the way my wolves treated me shifted. There was pity. I felt abandoned. Trapped in a limbo. At least if I had been rejected, I would have detached to move on. Instead I was tied to her. And I knew it because every time I desperately invited Josie into my bed to try and feel something, think of something other than my mate, my body failed me and performing, even in anger or hatred wasn't an option.

And Josie like the ever obedient b***h came running each time. She always seemed so sure this would be the time, I would touch her like she wanted. But I couldn't never bring myself to kiss her, the feel of her skin made my stomach turn and Clay pace. He was always in agreement to try it but as soon as she got near us, he didn't want her. And neither did I. I stopped feeling bad quickly. She'd be so eager to please me and within minutes I'd tell her to get the f**k out.

I sat in the snow, staring at the setting sun. The sky was grey and cold, much like my life.

'I can smell Kim.' Clay warned.

I sighed. I came here for loneliness. It was silly of me to ask Kim to check on Indie at the start. Now she refused to stop. She'd told me about Ben's funeral and like an i***t, I went just in case Indie had needed me.

I watched as she held up his mother. As she was the rock for her to cling to now her son was gone. I listened to the beautiful words she spoke for him. He had been her world. The goddess had fated me a mate who already gave her soul away. I remember the way she clutched her heart as she stood by his coffin and whispered her final goodbye to the real man in her life.

Seeing the person made for you, your other half, break over someone else. She loved him with her every fibre of being. I didn't see how she would ever love again after that loss.

I'd told Kim we were staying away from then, that I wouldn't go to her. But Kim insisted, she was her Luna and she would ensure she was safe.

"If I wanted meetings, Kim, I would be in my office." I growled as she took up the space beside me.

"Well if you were EVER in your office, maybe I would have waited till then to talk to you." She muttered.

Clay came forward and snarled at her. She was the only one still brave enough to roll her eyes. Not even Marcus dared back chat me these days.

She said nothing and just looked towards the woods, letting the silence sink deep into my bones.

'Why would she come here and not say anything?' Clay snapped at me, his anger already rising

'I don't know.'

'Are you gonna ask her?'

'I'm the Alpha, I shouldn't have to ask. If something was really wrong, she would have spilled it.'

Another minute of listening to the gentle wind whistle across the hill, the night drawing closer and the light slowly surrendering.

"Why are you here, Kim?" I lost it, I couldn't wait anymore and the smirk on her face, she knew she'd won.

"I went to check on .."

"Do not say her name." I cut her off and she huffed.

"Do you not want to know anything?" She asked. Sincerely offering the chance for me to go another day only imagining how she was spending her time.

I hesitated, I always wanted to know. She was my mate, being apart from her every day, night, it felt like I had a stake being driven into my chest just to be ripped out and hammered in all over again.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and screwed my eyes shut, trying to calm myself and Clay.

"Of course I want to know." I finally admitted.

I opened my eyes and could see nothing but worry and love for her Alpha in Kim's face.

"She's started drinking a lot. Today, I found her dribbling, half passed out face on the bar. The staff let me take her home. They said she comes in every day, orders the same drinks and .."

"And they let her drink herself into that kind of state?! Are you having a laugh? It's not even dark yet, when did she start drinking? When did you get back?"

"Alpha, please. It isn't their fault. I reacted badly at first but they all say the same, she comes in between 1 and 3 in the afternoon, looking as if she may have just woken up, at first they didn't think too much but noticed the pattern. They cut her off at a reasonable number of drinks now they realise but she gets attention and bought drinks from some guys, I think it's why she picks there, it's not got the nicest clientele. She knows even in that state, someone is gonna try their luck and get her more. The manager said she asked them that if she put extra on her tab each day to pay, would they never let someone take her.. "

"But they let YOU." I turned to face her. Clay was tearing at my insides to be free.

"It took a lot of convincing," she reasoned, "they think I'm her sister and clearly she's going through something and needs the help. They have my number now, they promised if anything seems particularly bad anytime, they're going to call me."

"Why did you come to me with this, Kim?" I choked. I didn't want to hear it.

'She abandoned you, Pup, don't even think about running to her.' Clay howled. He was taking her rejection badly. He blamed me for most of it but now he said I'd made the bed we were going to lie in and no Alpha would beg a human girl for s**t. As much as I could feel him wanting to go and drag her home right now.

"I think it's the mate bond, I think being away from you.."

"It'll be the boy she buried... "

"ROLLO, you need to STOP it," Kim stood up abruptly, she stomped ahead of me and back, kicking snow with her clumpy boots.

Clay growled and tried to take over, I had to dig deep for the strength to push him back. No one dared speak to me like that. Not anymore. Not after all these weeks. I was feared among the wolves, I always had been but now I didn't take an drop of s**t from anyone. Even the surrounding packs had heard about the change in my leadership style and avoided us. But I wasn't angry at Kimberley like Clay was. The Alpha in me wanted to show her she was lower than me and I could snap her in two without warning. And I was shocked by her outburst but I could feel that it came from a place of caring, at her own pain seeing the man I was becoming.

She stopped pacing and stood with her back to me. Staring intently into the distance. She rubbed her hands down her face before pulling them back into her hair and growling in frustration.

"It's the mate bond. She dreams about you every night. She feels hot, like I genuinely think she's in heat. Her chest aches all the time. She can't focus, she can't even think because every thought comes back to you. I took her home, Rollo, I put her to bed, I spoke to her. I hope she was too wasted to remember but she knew who I was and she confessed the whole lot to me. The only thing she feels for Benjamin is regarding him being her best friend through her teenage years and guilt for wanting you with every part of her being within days of him dying. But since then. You. Are. All. She. Has. Wanted."

She spoke each word at the end slowly, trying to enthasis her point. It was everything I wanted to hear and somehow, I still didn't believe it. Clay was still hurt. I stood, realising my peaceful evening was gone and now I had to process this heart-wrenching information, the fact my mate was off around men while apparently in heat, stop Clay from tearing Kim up and find a way to sleep. I was running a pack with f*****g witches coming for wolves every week, I didn't have time for this s**t.

"Then why didn't she come back?" I spat as I walked away.

'Kim needs to learn her place' Clay was out for blood. I could feel his rage, it coursed through my body.

'She just wants to help,' I sighed back. I didn't need another fight with him.

'She helps by doing what we tell her, not what she thinks. You gave her and Marcus both too much slack. They've lost respect.'

'They're not my inferiors Clay, they're my friends.'

He snarled back at me. He'd been turning more feral by the day, coping in his own way. Late at night he howled and whined in pain, begging for the bond to break. He may have appeared stronger but losing Indie had made him weak in his own way. He lost compassion and empathy and it was showing harshly in my day to day life.

'I need a distraction, let me hunt. Then you can text that slut to see if we can finally f**k ourselves senseless.'

And with that, he ripped through my body, giving me no room to argue and we took off towards the tree line.

I just hoped a simple hunt was enough and he didn't go destroying all the bars and pubs around Indies town.