Challenge the Alpha

Chapter eight - Secrets

Indie;

I sat fidgeting in a fairly uncomfortable leather chair facing a big dark wooden desk. There was a clear theme here, I felt like red riding hood walking through the deep, dark wood. All the furniture was the same beautiful but somehow daunting design. The walls were a dreary, coal grey. There was stone and metal ornaments dotted around the place, not a single picture in sight.

Behind the desk were floor to ceiling windows, looking out towards the trees that seemed to loom in the distance.

Kim had pointed the room out to me on our short tour, this was the Alphas office and it was not how I'd expected. All my interaction with Rollo had given me this idea he was a caring, warm soul but his office seemed cold and almost cruel. I guess you don't lead a pack by always being a nice guy.

Lost in my thoughts, remembering how I really didn't know Rollo, I jumped as the door swung open and he strolled in followed by a well groomed older gentleman carrying a briefcase. He seemed familiar but I couldn't quite place his face.

"Indie, this is Dr Fletcher." Rollo snapped, he was irritated.

I stood up from the chair, extended my hand and plastered on a smile, "nice to meet you, thank you for seeing me so quickly"

At that point, Dr Fletcher turned to face me properly and my face dropped. This man looked like Matty. My eyes darted between him and Rollo as I silently begged for it not to be true.

"It's nice to finally put a name to the face, my son has talked about you for years." He tried his best to remain polite but there was an obvious hurt there. He knew.

Guilt over what I'd done washed over me for the first time. Matty had never spoken about family back when we were on friendly terms. He didn't say much to me after kidnapping me that wasn't about me being for him. I hadn't considered the family he might have. What if they were unhinged too? No this man is a doctor, Rollo wouldn't bring me a doctor that would want to harm me. It was unethical, it went against the hippocratic oath.

"Stop panicking Indie," Dr Fletcher dragged me out of the black hole I was crawling my way further and further into, "we can both hear your heartbeat and I promise you, I won't hurt you. I was the one who sent Rollo in search of my son that night. I knew he had become unstable and I knew you were his target. I was worried for your safety. Matty had changed. I didn't recognise the monster he was and I don't blame you for what happened."

I was speechless. The Dr clearly was suppressing so much pain within, I could see it somehow. On his face, in his eyes, the shake of his voice. I was overcome with an urge to comfort him.

"I'm so," he held a hand up to stop me,

"Don't. You don't need to be. He deserved what he got. I never raised him like that. He's shamed me." I felt the sincerity in his words. He would never got over what his son did as much as the death itself.

"Richard wasn't the Dr I planned to bring but he insisted," Rollo chimed in, "we have two main pack Drs, both elders. I went for Ares but Richard wants to right the wrongs of him family."

"I really appreciate that." I nodded looking at the floor. I had been put through hell and here I was, not able to imagine the pain Dr Fletcher, Richard, was enduring.

"Shall we begin?" The Dr gestured for me to take a seat and I obliged. We both sat in the uncomfortable chairs on the guest side of the desk while Rollo saunted over to the boss side. Richard staring at him the whole time.

"What?" Rollo questioned, confused by the glare.

"Alpha, no offence but there is something known as Dr/patient confidentiality. I expected this appointment to be with Indie."

Rollo scoffed, "not a chance."

"I'd like to see the Dr in private please."

Rollo instantly tensed, the annoyed tongue came out and I saw his jaw tick as he tried to hold back his anger. With this ruthless expression, he suited this cold office. I didn't know this man at all. He stood, his eyes never leaving mine, and tutted to himself as he stomped out the room, slamming the door with a lot more force than necessary.

"You're the first I've seen brave enough to challenge the Alpha so directly and not be issued an immediate punishment," Richard chuckled, "so, let's begin, as no Dr was called immediately, I will assume physically you are okay but I would like to do a usual examination initially."

He pulled out various implements, something to measure blood pressure, a stick to push my tongue down, a light for my ears, he even pricked my finger and took some blood but told me we could leave the pee sample until we near a bathroom, as much as he'd love the luck on Rollos face if he discovered I peed in his office. By the end of the physical I felt much more relaxed with him, as if we'd even begun to build a friendly repport.

"So, Indie, you've been through some trauma, shall we move onto the feelings portion of the meeting," he asked while packing away his devices.

I fidgeted and looked at the door, I wondered if Rollo was right outside listening to everything we were saying.

"This room is soundproofed for various reasons," Richard informed me, as if reading my mind, "he can't hear us and I would not diverge any sensitive subject we cross."

I gulped. I felt slightly better but I still uneasy. My feelings on people had changed drastically the last few days. I didn't know if I believed there was good in many of them anymore.

The Dr waited patiently while I cracked each knuckle individually, a bad habit I started when I was stressed and anxious. A few minutes passed before I finally spoke,

"I'm on sertraline. Or was before Matty ...I have a condition, only mild, but it's been since I was around 13-14, diagnosed anyway. I've been on and off various antidepressants, antipsychotics, seen a few psychologists and psychiatrists. I had a therapist back home who I can go see if I need to but after a few years and some cognitive behavioural therapy, I kept a good balanced diet, exercise and with the sertraline, I mostly was okay." All my words came out rushed, my feelings flowing through with them.

"This is nothing to be embarrassed about. I can arrange the prescription for you, it would help me to know the condition if you don't mind?"

"Boarderline personality disorder."

The Dr nodded and jotted some notes in a book he took out his pocket, "since you were a young teenager?"

"Yes, things got increasingly difficult during puberty I guess."

"But you said diagnosed, does that mean you'd experienced a struggle with your emotions before that point?"

"For as long as I can remember if I'm honest."

"Additional stress and trauma could be quite a trigger for an ..episode."

"I know, I ..I went through some things a couple years ago that ..I went off the rails for a while. But I got right again."

Richard paused, he looked deep in thought, planning his next sentence carefully,

"Do you find you have uncontrolled emotion regarding Rollo? Or you lose your grip on them around him?"

"Yes. It's one of the reasons I think I need my medication again. I've worked so hard to get better and it's as if I've lost that. I don't know if it's related to the kidnapping or because he saved me or just because I haven't taken my tablets in a week."

"It's none of those things. But that is for Rollo to explain not me, I'm afraid. I just need you to remember, you are not crazy, those feelings are not your mental illness and I guarantee you, Rollo is feeling something similar."

"Right then," Richard stood, "I think that concludes. You are mostly healthy, physically, you just need to ensure you are eating plenty and keep any cuts or grazes well cleaned. Mentally, you are doing exceptionally well all things considered, you are incredibly brave and very smart to want to seek help, I will arrange the prescription and that will stay between us."

He turned and headed to the door as I stood slowly, but stopped after reaching for the handle. He half looked back at me over his shoulder,

"It really has been a pleasure meeting you Indie, I think you'll make a rather fine Luna."

Before I had chance to ask what he meant, he opened to the door to reveal an agitated Rollo pacing in the hall. Richard chuckled as he side stepped him and left.

"What did he say?" Rollo demanded,

"Just that I need to make sure I eat really, other than that, I seem okay."

Rollo rolled his eyes, "I didn't need to fetch a doctor to tell me that, I wanted to feed you hours ago."

He stepped into the room and held out his hand to me,

"Come on, I was bringing you cake before but you were asleep, I'll arrange you anything you want," he frowned, "and this room is for business, I don't like you being here, this isn't the side of me you need to see."

I took his hand and be led me towards the kitchen,

"Are you okay? You seem thoughtful," Rollo asked, he was giving me a puppy dog look, concern etched deep in all his features,

"Yes," I replied honestly, "I was just thinking about what you said, a side I don't need to see and then me, not wanting you in the appointment. I guess we both aren't ready to reveal all our secrets yet."