Brown Girl

Broken Wings.

Alex was silent.

As soon as he heard those words, calm rage engulfed him at lightning speed. All he could think about was punching something or someone. Mostly, the person who did that to her.

But he controlled himself. He had to let her finish.

"I...." She trailed off. "My family, um, actually my father had this uncle who used to live only five minutes from us....and he was a retired officer. First, my parents used to leave me with my aunt when they couldn't take care of me or were out of town, but then my aunt shifted to another city and they thought it would be easier to just let the uncle babysit me, instead of hiring a stranger to take care of me. They thought they couldn't trust the strangers."

"Look how well that turned out." She chuckled humourlessly. "Anyway, I used to be very fond of that uncle. I mean, I thought he must be so brave and vigilant. Well, I was in for a shocker. Because the first day he came to babysit me....at first everything was fine. I was in my room, playing with my toys and all of a sudden he walks in and, he...locks the room. My little mind couldn't process what was happening. He would come sit beside me, give me a box of chocolates and keep telling me how pretty I was, how my dress was so pretty and I was a little child, I was so happy at the compliments but then...he would like lay me on the bed and..." She choked up.

"Yeah, and I didn't know what was happening. I just knew that it hurt so much. It hurt so bloody much. I was covered in blood and he wouldn't even care. I screamed, howled but he put his hand over my mouth just...stifling my scream, so that no one can hear me. I cried, writhed, howled, struggled, everything, but he would always win in the end." Unconsciously, tears fell from her eyes. Her gaze still fixed ahead, like the memories were playing in front of her, sort of like a movie. Alex's gaze was fixed upon her. He couldn't remove it.

She sniffed. "After, he was done, he would tell me how brave I was and how I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. My doll, meri gudiya. The best girl in this whole world. He would then go back down, leaving me scarred and scared. I used to pray everyday that today either mom or dad could take care of me and very rarely that used to happen. He would come with a box of chocolates, repeat the entire thing, say those same things. Just...choking me and my scream. He would never let me scream. And after a while, my scream died. I became....numb."

"This went on for two whole f*****g years and then finally, one day, I found myself bleeding very heavy. I was only eleven and this shouldn't happen to me right now. So, my mother took me to her hospital and kept everything under wraps. She found that it was a miscarriage. I was eleven and I had a f*****g miscarriage. Then, I told her everything. And you know what she said? She told me to forget about it. But you know what? I see her point. She couldn't do anything to him, he was powerful and had a lot of influence in the family. So, she was helpless, leaving me the same."

"Did it continue after that?" Alex shook with rage.

She shook her head. "No. My mother never let him babysit me again and whilst trying to do that, she made up a lie about how it would be better to hire a babysitter so that I could learn to be on my own. But she never brought up that incident again. And even after that, we would go to his house for drinks and dinner or just to meet him but I would stick close to my mother. She knew, so she let me. And then after a few more tries to do it to me again, he gave up. And I grew up."

She took a deep breath in. "As I grew up, I reached a stage where I just shut off. Shut off from the world. I would scream in the night, horrifying dreams consuming me and there was never anyone to listen to them. I got into drinking, smoking and all the wrong stuff no fifteen-year-old should get into. I came down so bad that I thought.....I tried killing myself. Ending it all, you know? Run away from all of it. But I didn't. I pretty much went through the same thing Colin was going through and I'm so dumb. I couldn't even figure out what was going on with him when I went through it too! I never even noticed any symptoms!"

"Alisha," he began. "What you went through was different from what Colin did. He had an illness and he can't be blamed for it and neither can you. So, don't you dare think it was your fault."

She sighed, nodding. "It's just that....I know what it feels like. To just give up and feel yourself drown. It's like you're breathing and you think you're alive, but deep down, you can feel a part of you dying. And dying sucks."

He kept silent. He was still processing what was happening and what had happened.

"How did..." He cleared his throat. "How did you get over it?"

"I never did." She admitted. "And I never will. I don't think it's possible for me to ever get over what happened. Alex, it was like someone took a part of me and burnt it to ashes. That part of me....it will always be dead. And I can't change that. Somehow, I don't want to change that. But I learnt how to live with it. It took me a lot of time to do that. Alex....I have learnt how to live with that weight. That ache in me and learnt how to let that not define my life. I know, I shouldn't feel ashamed of myself but somehow I always felt like that and I don't...I don't want to feel like that."

"You shouldn't." He shook his head. "You never should."

He was thinking about all that she just said. His brown girl was broken...yet so beautiful. He saw the beauty in her honesty and her purity. How....how did he meet a girl like her? How did he get so lucky?

"Look," she continued, after seeing that he wasn't saying anything. "I get it that after this, you don't want to be with me and it's okay, you know."

He looked at her in shock. She really thought that low of herself? Of him? "You know, I don't want to be with you..."

She nodded, biting her lip from welling up again. "It's cool."

"Not because of what happened to you but because you think that low of me. You think I would leave you because of that!?" He fumed.

She looked at him. "You wouldn't?"

He laughed. "Are you crazy? Never! In fact, now that I know all of this about you, it has made me fall for you so much harder. I am so proud of you, niña, you have no idea. You're so brave to get through all that s**t and stand here, still facing life with a new spirit. It's amazing and I respect you so much for that."

"You do?" Her eyes widened.

He shook his head and placed his hand on her cheek, stroking it. He leaned in and placed his forehead against hers, whispering. "More than you can imagine."

A smile lit up her face and they stayed like that for a while.

"Can I kiss you?" He murmured.

"Like you have to ask." She breathed and in a flash, his lips were on hers and it was phenomenal. It was sweet, passionate and full of promise, conveying his feelings to her. She latched on to his neck and plunged through his hair while he pulled her closer by her waist and cupped her cheek.

"Thank you." He whispered, after pulling back.

"For what?" She was genuinely confused.

"For trusting me."

"Be honoured." She smirked.

And she's back.

----------------------------------

"The sad thing is, nobody ever really knows how much anyone else is hurting. We could be standing next to someone who is completely broken and we wouldn't even know it."

------------------