Chapter 10: A Baby For The Beast
1442 Words
Chapter 10: A Baby For The Beast
I held my breath, as I raised my phone to my ear.
I didn't know why I felt pushed to answer the phone call but somehow, I dragged the phone to my ear.
“Good evening, Mrs Stella Dylan"
Instead of responding, I said nothing. I held the bottle in my other hand, my breath shaky as I waited for the right timing so I could end the call.
“About the tests we conducted, ma'am…” She paused while I brought the phone down to check the caller ID.
It was Mrs Frank, the nurse from the hospital—concerning my last checkup.
She'd promised to inform me if there was any problem about my birth control checkup.
“Yeah, it's not important anymore, Mrs Frank. I'm hanging up—”
"Give me a few minutes, ma'am”She cut me mid-statement.
I sighed, whispering an "okay” as I pressed the phone against my cheek, giving her another chance even though nothing felt important anymore at that moment.
I was going to end it all!. That was final.
“Congratulations, ma'am. We found out you are twelve weeks gone, ma'am”
"Excuse me—" A slight ache affected my sight instantly that I had to shut my eyes tight.
“I know this can come as a shock but it's good news. You're twelve weeks pregnant, ma'am”
For a second, everything in me went numb. Everything stilled and tilted
I suddenly didn't know how to feel anymore.
The bottle in my hand fell to the ground, smashing in pieces as tears gathered in my eyes.
"Ma'am, are you okay?” I heard her ask as I held the phone to my ear but I was far from reality.
My mind was running thousands of thoughts.
I didn't give a response, my lips were too stiff to move. No. No. I can't be. Whyyyyyyyy???!!!!!!!
I can't be pregnant.
“Its a mistake,”I snapped, adding an intentional laugh before I paused to gain the firmness my tone used to have.
"I have been on birth control since three years ago and I never miss appointments" I explained, tears finding their way down my cheeks. s**t! I lost control again.
“You are very correct, ma but, there might have been a shift in the insertion or position during your last appointment which could have allowed passage of….”
My hearing seized…everywhere blurred as more tears rolled down my cheeks.
I didn't want an explanation.
I didn't want nothing at that moment! I didn't want s**t!!
I threw my phone to the wall with the force i couldn't but let out, it fell to the ground in pieces.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A scream ripped out of me. I couldn't hold it back.
Not me.
How could it be me?
It should have never happened!
Why did fate have to be so cruel?
It didn't have to be me!
I was going to end it all quietly. I could have left quietly! Why did—Jesus.
I tore a scream from my lungs, my fingernails clawing into my knee cap as anger and pain ran through me.
I needed it all out. I was too devastated to bottle anything in.
I didn't deserve to carry a child. I was in pain. I was nothing close to a normal human yet…
My eyes ached of the pain and anger-derived tears that felt like venom beneath my skin.
The bathroom felt ten times hotter than it could have ever been, sweat pumped out of every pore on my skin—all produced by anger, pain, regret, disgust.
I couldn't bring myself to do something as guilty as taking my life and a child's—
Thinking of a child felt like torture to my mind. How could I raise a child in this pain??
Everything was f****d up! From. The. Very. Beginning
No way I was pregnant!!
No way I was going to raise a baby in this f*****g prison!
No way I was going to f*****g let Dylan have my baby!!
I never dreamt of it. Never was I going to let this happen to me but, how did it get me off guard??!
I thought I'd protected myself from any worse but this? It only hit harder!!!
Jesus. Whyyyyyyyy?? Whyyyyy did it have to be me???
I stood up, wiping my tears off my eyes as I made my way outside my room. To the living area. Outside the house. Outside the gate. And Into the street, barefooted.
I didn't care or mind what I was wearing—a nightgown.
I was going to leave—somehow. How it was going to happen didn't matter.
I just had to keep walking, I just needed to an escape from the gut-wrenching reality I couldn't seem to end.
One step. More tears.
More steps. More Pain I could never feel enough of.
I just needed an escape!
I had nothing.
No direction. No sense of my own. Nothing.
I'd been stripped of everything.
I needed a f*****g escape, to breathe the air that wasn't abuse and violence-infused.
Maybe if I kept walking…maybe…maybe..maybe NOTHING.
It clawed my chest even more that nothing was going to happen. I knew it was all illusion I couldn't bring myself to believe.
I wanted to but no matter how much I tried to believe and picture that life, I couldnt.
At least, it was better to believe an illusion where I had hope. At least, it was better.
In reality, I hated living. No hope existed.
I didn't want it.
I loathed everything in this entire world, and myself wasn't an exception.
Everywhere quieted as I walked into the dark street, the cold blowing my night gown as I walked but, that was the last thing a walking-dead woman like myself could care about.
I couldn't struggle with my addictive desire to cause a reverse.
I would beg the Lord a million times to cause a reverse—how it'd happen didn't matter!
Maybe if I could reverse it all…
I struggled with guilt. Pain. Anger. Disgust. Regret.
For me. For Him. For My parents. For Life.
A baby in all of this was a trap I never saw until I got into it, I was stuck.
I'd been stuck in this marriage but—
I kept walking, barefooted that my feet scarred with terrible pain.
Setting my foot on the cold road, I had no where in mind but I just had to keep moving.
I walked till I began to lose balance.
A step was no longer a step.
It was now more of a stagger but I pushed harder.
My vision blurred under the terrible cold as my feet grew weaker to move.
My head reeked of just one word—PAIN. PAIN. PAIN.
But the more I thought about it, I couldn't bring myself to romanticize it and live outside of it.
I was losing my mind.
It wasn't about Dylan. It was about the beast he'd become….I was even trapped but Dylan of all people, would definitely use my child as leverage or even drag the innocent kid into everything he'd been making me go through.
Was I ready to have a baby in such toxicity? Hate? Abuse?
I walked till my feet ached but each step I made towards an unknown destination, my vision blurred—not because of tears.
I'd wiped my tears and began panting as taking each step became harder than the last.
Everywhere spun right before my eyes. My eyes failed to capture things as they were—my vision blurred even more!
“H.."
I fell to the ground, my face flat as I tried to convince my body not to fail me at this moment. I needed strength more than any other time in my life.
“Help…” I tried to raise my voice but my body was shutting down faster than I'd ever imagined.
I remained on the ground, begging to be saved…seen, helped..
“Help" My voice was barely higher than a whisper but giving up wasn't anywhere on my mind.
I wanted death for myself but not for the child in me…
“Some..body…heL—”
I saw someone —a man but my dizziness and blurry vision wouldn't let me capture his face.
I knew he was a man from the few words he said but I couldn't hear.
He didn't seem like he was here to help.
"H…help"
Everywhere turned black as my body gave in. That was the end—or so i thought.
- Writer
