A Second Chance

Chapter 7 * Jordan

I’ve been in NY for 6 plus months. I kept the promise I’d made to her. I told myself I could do it forever, but the truth was, it was killing me. She was doing everything she could to show me her worst. I knew she was. Having me come to her house when she had no make-up on and she was in sweatpants and a tee shirt and her home was a mess. Sometimes she met me at the office right from the gym with her hair all over the place and sweat soaked through her clothes. We’d go out to lunch when she was PMSing and I’d watch her stuff her face with terrible food. She’d rage at other drivers in the car while driving us to showings.

But the fact was, all these things that she thought made her unattractive, were actually having the exact opposite effect on me. Of course, I didn’t let that show. I remained outwardly indifferent while inwardly I was mentally storing these images for my alone time later.

The woman she had grown into was more incredible than even my love sick fantasies of her. When I met her she was barely getting by financially, didn’t respect the company she worked for, was terrified of never finding someone to love her and start a family with her, she was insecure about her weight and just generally concerned with the direction of her life. It wasn’t moving fast enough for her.

Now? She was confident, accomplished, comfortable and strong. She had found a man who never doubted her, made beautiful children, found a career she enjoyed much more, was doing well financially, and was in the best physical shape of her life. She liked to tell me about how much weight she gained during the first few years of marriage and how gross I would have found her but truthfully, I’d find her sexy no matter how much she weighed. She was my thinnest girlfriend then at a size 14. She claimed she got up to a size 20 at one point. Now she is a size 4. I was never interested in anyone who wore single digit sizes but something about her, just instantly made my d— twitch. I wasn’t sure I could ever convince her of that. I loved the wounded girl she was then and I loved the capable woman she was now. I wished I could have been there to see her journey.

I’d spent almost every day with this woman, and I had kept my hands to myself, my comments clean, and my gaze on her face (when she was looking, that is). Becca caught me checking out Jamie’s ass and t**s a few times, but she seemed to be fully in favor of us being together. So she just smirked at me and kept her mouth shut.

I missed my kids. It hurts sometimes. Thankfully, I didn’t hate the snow. There were certainly a lot of awesome things about living in NY, but I definitely missed Florida sometimes too. I never would have come here if not for her, but I didn’t regret the decision for a second.

Jamie met my kids during one of their visits. She had us over for dinner. Our kids got along really well. It gave me a whole lot of feels observing what could one day be our family around the dinner table.

Around the 6 month mark, I got my first client under contract and Jamie toasted me at the office party. I loved that she did stuff like that. She was always thinking of ways to help, encourage or support people. She looked a little emotional while she gave the toast and I smiled at her from across the room. She smiled back and for a moment, I thought she might be ready. But then I saw Matt come up to her and it was clear she was asking about me and Jamie shook her head and looked sad. I felt my heart drop. What if I did all this and it’s too late? What if she doesn’t want to be with me?

I felt someone nudge me and looked down to see Becca looking at me somewhat seriously which was rare for her.

“She loves you, you know.” She told me, looking straight in my eyes. I shrugged at her.

“I’m not sure she does. We’ve spent nearly every day together and I feel this pull to her that never lets up. If she felt that way too, I don’t think we’d still be friends.” I replied to her.

“She feels it. She just also feels guilt to move on from her dead husband and she’s scared that you’ll hurt her again. She is absolutely terrified that she’ll betray Tony and be humiliated when you decide she isn’t worth the effort you’re giving her.” Her words hurt me. I hated that she felt her heart was in such a precarious spot.

“I will never leave her again. I have no idea how to convince her of that.”

Becca shrugged. “Look, Jordan. I’ve known about you for ten years. She told me when we first became friends about you and how deeply she felt for you. Even when she and Tony were together and happy, she could never let go of you. Now you are here and I think she’s just trying to convince herself this is real and it’s ok. She’ll come around, trust me.” It was the most serious she had been since I’d met her and I appreciated her honestly. I smiled at her and she returned it as she walked away to get Matt and go home.

I decided, promise or not, I deserved to get an update from Jamie. If she was still interested but not ready- that was totally fine. I could live with that….For a little while longer at least. If she wasn’t interested and couldn’t get past her guilt, I had a right to know that too. I crossed the room to where she was starting to clean up.

“Jamie?” I asked. She looked up at me with those beautiful blue-green eyes framed with long dark lashes that almost touched her eyebrows. “Would you be able to sit down and discuss where we’re at?” I asked. It all came out in a rush and I hoped she couldn’t see my blush through my beard. She blinked at me.

“You want to discuss you and me?” She asked.

“Yes. I know I said I wouldn’t and if you aren’t ready to decide anything yet, I understand. I just had to ask.”

“I have been thinking about it a lot lately.” She looked at her watch. “I can’t now. I have to go pick up the kids. Can you come to my house tomorrow morning?”

“I’ll be there.” I practically bounced out of there. She was thinking about it and wanted to talk. That had to be good, right?