Secretly Yours

Chapter 3— The Space Between Us

CHAPTER 3

Nagising ako sa tunog ng ulan na tumatama sa bintana, at sa unang sandali, nakalimutan ko kung nasaan ako. The sheets were softer than anything I had ever known, the air is cool and scented with cedar and rain.

Right, this is my room.

I sat up slowly, at naramdaman kong tahimik ang buong bahay. I reached for the glass of water on the bedside table, at napansin kong may nakatuping papel sa tabi nito.

“I had to leave early for work. Breakfast is already prepared in the dining hall. If you need anything, tell the housekeeper. And Brielle, take your time. You are not just a guest here anymore.”

Walang nakalagay na pangalan kung kanino galing, pero kilalang-kilala ko ang sulat-kamay. It's his. Lucas Montebello. I held the note for a long moment, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang bigat sa dibdib ko. Dati, puro utos lang ang nakukuha ko sa kanya. Ngayon, parang unti-unti na niya akong binibigyan ng puwang sa buhay niya.

Nagbihis ako ng simpleng damit, hindi yung mga mamahaling regalong dumating noong nakaraang linggo, kundi yung sarili kong damit na dala ko mula sa bahay. I wanted to remind myself who I was, bago ako tuluyang malunod sa pagiging “Mrs. Montebello". Pagbaba ko sa kainan, naroon na ang mga pagkain, lahat ng paborito ko, bagay na hindi ko naman sinabi sa kanya.

“Sir Lucas gave specific instructions po, Ma’am,” sabi ng matandang kusinera na nakangiti nang mahinahon. “Sabi niya, baka hindi kayo sanay sa mga pagkaing dito lang nakakain.”

Napangiti ako nang mapait. “Nag-aalala ba siya kung makakain ako, o kung magugustuhan ko ba ang pamumuhay dito?”

“Nag-aalala siya sa inyo po, Ma’am,” sagot nito nang tapat. “Matagal na kaming nandito, pero hindi pa namin nakikitang ganun siya mag-isip para sa ibang tao. Kahit sa pamilya niya, bihira niyang ipakita na may pakialam siya.”

Natigilan ako. I never thought someone like him, who had everything, who commanded respect and fear wherever he went, could ever notice small things like what I liked to eat. But then again, marami pa akong hindi alam tungkol kay Lucas Montebello. Maraming pader na nakatayo pa rin sa pagitan namin, at hindi ko alam kung handa na ba akong guluhin ang mga iyon.

Matapos kumain, naglakad ako sa malawak na hardin ng mansyon. The grounds were vast, maayos na maayos ang bawat halaman, pero parang walang buhay, walang batang naglalaro, walang tawanan, walang bakas ng masayang pamilya. May nakita akong isang lumang bangko sa ilalim ng malaking puno, at doon ako umupo habang pinapanood ang ulan na dahan-dahang tumigil at nagbigay-daan sa sikat ng araw.

“Taking a break, or trying to escape?”

Napalingon ako at nakita siyang nakatayo sa pintuan na patungo sa bahay. He was still in his business suit, mukhang galing lang sa mahabang meeting, medyo gulo ang buhok at pagod ang mga mata. “I am not running away, Lucas,” sagot ko nang mahinahon. “I am just trying to find my place here.”

Lumapit siya nang dahan-dahan at umupo sa kabilang dulo ng bangko, hindi masyadong malapit, pero hindi rin masyadong malayo. “This place, it has always been too quiet. Too empty. My father built it to show everyone how powerful he was, but he never filled it with anything that mattered.” Tumingin siya sa akin, at sa unang pagkakataon, nakita ko ang pagod sa likod ng kanyang tapang. “I thought I would do the same. I thought power and control were all I needed to survive. Until you came.”

Humarap ako nang tuluyan sa kanya. “I did not come here to fix you, Lucas. I came here to save my family. But if in the process, matutunan nating magtiwala sa isa’t isa, hindi ko naman iyon tatanggihan.”

He let out a soft breath, parang nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib. “You are nothing like the woman I imagined marrying. I expected someone who would agree with everything I say, someone who would be nothing more than a name beside mine. But you, you challenge me. You look at me and see past the name and the money. And it scares me more than any business deal I have ever made.”

“Then stop being scared,” bulong ko. “I am not going anywhere. Unless you drive me away yourself.”

He held my hand where it rested on the bench, gently. “I will never drive you away, Brielle. I just, I do not know how to do this. I do not know how to be someone’s husband, someone’s safe place. All I know is how to protect what is mine.”

“Then start with that,” sabi ko. “Protect me not just from others, but from yourself too. Huwag mong itago ang nararamdaman mo sa likod ng galit at pagmamatigas. Dahil kung itutulak mo ako palayo, hindi ko alam kung may babalik pa sa’yo.”

Tinitigan niya ako nang matagal, parang sinusuri kung totoo ba ang lahat ng naririnig niya. Sa huli, dahan-dahan niyang isinandal ang katawan sa bench bago ako tiningnan ng masuyo. “You already came back, Brielle. Every time I push you away, you stay. And that is the most terrifying thing of all.”

Ilang sandali kaming nanatiling tahimik, naririnig lang namin ang huni ng mga ibon at ang pagpatak ng natitirang tubig mula sa mga dahon. It was a silence that did not feel heavy or forced.

That night, we both had dinner together, kami lang dalawa, walang ibang tao, walang usapang negosyo. Nagkwentuhan kami tungkol sa mga simpleng bagay, about my childhood in the province, the dreams I had before all of this happened, and the things we both fear. I learned that he loved reading old books, that he once wanted to be a painter, and that behind all his power, he was just a boy who had never truly known a family’s love.

“I never knew you carried all of that,” sabi ko nang mahina habang nagliligpit kami ng mesa. “Lahat ng tao ay nakikita lang ang lakas mo. But they didn't see any of your pain.”

Halos pabulong kong sinabi yung huli.

“Because I learned early on that showing weakness is a sign of defeat,” sagot niya. “But with you, somehow, I do not feel like I have to hide anymore. You make me feel like I can be just Lucas, not Mr. Montebello.”

Lumapit siya nang kaunti, at naramdaman ko ang bilis ng t***k ng puso ko. “Can I kiss you?” tanong niya, halos pabulong na lang, parang natatakot na baka hindi ako pumayag.

Tumango ako nang dahan-dahan. “Only if you mean it.”

He looked deep into my eyes, and in them, I saw everything, fear, hope, and a new feeling slowly beginning to bloom. “I have never meant anything more in my life.”

Dahan-dahan niyang inilapit ang mukha niya, at noong nagdampi ang mga labi namin, it was something. It was gentle, careful, parang sinusubukan niyang iparamdam sa akin na ligtas ako sa kanya. Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng mga kamay niya habang hawak ang mukha ko, parang siya rin ay takot na baka magising lang siya sa isang panaginip.

Nang humiwalay siya, noong pareho na kaming humihingal, niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit, it's as if he's saying na I'm his at akin na rin siya. “You are changing everything, Brielle,” bulong niya sa tenga ko. “And I do not want to stop it.”

“Then let it happen,” sagot ko habang nakayakap sa kanya. “Let us build something real, kahit pa sabihin nilang mali ito. Kahit pa sabihin nilang hindi tayo nararapat sa isa’t isa.”

Hindi sumagot si Lucas, pero mas humigpit pa ang yakap niya.

Alam kong marami pang darating na pagsubok. Alam kong hindi magiging madali ang lahat. Pero habang nakayakap ako sa kanya, alam kong handa akong harapin ang lahat, basta’t kasama ko siya.

SECRETLY YOURS!