Doomed to Die in 3 Minutes

Awkward Awakening

I rose from my slumber and yawn as I try to lift myself out of the sheets. I feel something warm and soft are to my left and my right. Meaty thickness. I try to remember what happened before I fell asleep. I wrack my brain with my eyes closed. I feel like I’m just a bit too blurry on the details. It takes a moment before it happens and like a bolt of thunder it strikes my mind. 

Oh s**t. Oh s**t. Oh s**t. I open my eyes. I look to my left. I look to my right. Two women, I barely knew who are for some absurd reason obsessed with me, under the covers with me. Why are they naked? Am I naked? I’m naked. Did Alisa do that? Why? To f**k with me? To make Olivia wake up and want to leave? Luckily I’m the first to wake so I might be able to escape this unscathed… please.

I try to move upwards. It’s risky but maybe I can climb over the railings behind us that sit at the front and back of the bed. I’m in the middle of them so it’s awkward. I need to put a very gentle amount of strength into standing while not disturbing the bed. I put my back against the rails and slowly lift my body gradually while holding my breath and trying to be as quiet and gentle as possible. I get to the end. Half of my body is upright. Here comes the hard part. I either have to stand or do some sort of amazing backflip while being almost absolutely quiet.

Do I have the physical strength to do that? The grace, poise, and elegance to pull it off? I better or I’m royally screwed. I can’t afford to fail. All that acting practice to properly walk on the stage and not trip over anyone or anything else has to come in handy. I spot my clothes on the floor. Alright. I just need to do a flip over the bed and then tiptoe to them. I get dressed and disaster averted. That’s all. It’s simple. 

I take a deep breath as I steel myself and place both hands on the top of the railings behind me. I begin to lift my entire weight off the bed. I’m doing it! Gymnasts make this look so difficult… it’s not that hard! It’s a bit annoying that the blanket is being lifted on my legs but I can deal with it. Okay now just backflip…!

As I start to make the play, the blanket is pulled off the women. I see a small glimpse of nirvana. Even I’m not immune to seeing such a sight, this momentary distraction was a noose around my neck.  I fail instantly. My head bangs against the back of the bed and I lose all focus and my hands release their grip. I fall down with a sudden plunge back on the bed. The covers fly in the air and fall back on all three of us. 

My internal temperature freezes as if I was thrown naked into a snowstorm. I wait for the dropping of the guillotine. I close my eyes. Just end me swiftly. I beg of you. I wince as I pray and… I hear them moan a little and rustle, changing their sleeping position somewhat but… they didn’t wake up from that!? I mean I guess they did drink a lot but c’mon. I think the dead would have risen from that! Whatever, I’m still safe for now.

I can try another plan to escape. Think. Think. Think, damn you! I change gears. What’s the best method of escape that lets me also mitigate as much damage as possible if I get caught? My left. Alisa was flirting all night with me and she isn’t a massive murderous tsundere. I can try to lift myself and get over her and exit the bed that way! If I get caught then she’ll laugh it off! Probably. If she doesn’t she might just punch me once and I’ll die. Who knows? 

The alternative is far worse. If I get caught by Olivia then I am getting a bunch of harassment. Verbal or otherwise in some shape or form.  The magic contract will prevent her from doing harm to me in any significant way, or at least that’s how it should work. I can’t rely on it due to my shitty magic stat. The net is wide but the net is made of tissue paper. Maybe if she isn’t serious about doing damage it will prevent her from killing me but I have a feeling it’d be ten times more painful to sit through than anything else. At least death by Alisa’s hands would be swift. 

Okay. Let’s do this. I ready myself. I turn my body and form my body to be as if it’s doing a pushup. I begin to move my body like a crab as I find the parts of the bed that aren’t occupied by Alisa. I’m looming over her and I’m now especially conscious of how seductive her lips are. I gulp a bit. Think with your head, i***t! No, not that one! I just need a bit more to get over and escape. Don’t lose focus now! I’m pulling the blanket with me as I move. Olivia isn’t covered at all now. Don’t look there! It’s just going to be trouble! I hear the knob of the door turning and freeze.

The old man. Alisa’s father figure. I’m positioned like this. As if I’m about to assault her in her sleep. His eyes are slowly turning red with fury. Olivia mumbles as she tosses and turns… and I see her eyes slowly open. “Why is it so cold…?” Seriously? A loud bang in the bed is nothing but you lose your covers and the tiny change in temperature wakes you up!?

“What the hell!” Two voices directed at me for good reason, at least with how it looks.

“Wait! I can explain! Let me… explain…! Let me explain!”

...There’s silence as their eyes drill holes in my body.

“Oh, you’re actually waiting for me to… I didn’t think that’d work… okay… so here’s what happened!”