Doomed to Die in 3 Minutes

A Fate Most Cruel

Corai had to wrack his brain. This was a horrible situation to be in. He’s never actually seen it happen in real life, his mind went straight to every trashy sitcom and drama he’d ever been exposed to in both the written and visual form and upon scanning his memories he realised that in every single one of those, nobody escapes unscathed, not for long anyway. So none of the stupid adrenaline-filled hijinks his mind was being filled with was even worth even attempting.

Corai looked straight at the old man first. He was in his fifties, his hair being mostly silver now with a few clear black strands. He had a thick but clearly combed and trimmed beard featuring the same colours. He’s well built, clearly, he used to be a fighter or someone who was used to working hard manual labour and he has the muscles to show it despite his age. His clothes were a white shirt and a black vest, the attire showed class and practicality mixed in one. His eyes were burning with the wrath of God. A father walks in to see a man on top of his daughter, it looks like someone’s about to assault his daughter while she sleeps. 

Right to Corai’s left was a naked elven girl filled with similar indignation. A problem that was far worse in some ways. Someone who isn’t filled with pure rage but with something swirling between love and hate, a tornado of jealousy, regret, and desire threatening to uproot the world around it. Two wild beasts were ready to beat the ever-living crap out of him.

So in this case he decided the best thing to do would be to just say the truth. It was the only card that seemed reasonable to play. He could only hope it would save his life.

“Okay. So this is what happened. Alisa is head over heels for me and last night, when we were turning in to go to bed, she punched me in the gut and threw me into the bed next to Olivia. She then took off all our clothes and entered the bed with us, for some bizarre reason. Actually, wait, thinking about it, it’s summer. Alisa seems to be a very practical person and honestly, a bit of a tomboy, right? So she probably stripped us and herself because of the heat. She thought it would be funny and… make the suspension bridge effect between myself and her while alienating Olivia, who is an obstacle to her romance. That’s why we’re all naked and in bed together.”

The two of them continue to stare at Corai. “Oh, right. Why I’m on top of Alisa? That’s uh, so I woke up first before both of them and I knew that if they woke up, I’d be in a mess of a situation. Temperamental wo-, people are especially agitated in the morning and quick to jump to conclusions. I wanted to avoid that at all costs. So I was trying to esca-, remove myself from the bed without waking anyone up. That’s the truth and why I’m in this situation. I was not assaulting someone in their sleep. I wouldn’t dare. Please, believe me.”

There was silence for a minute that seemed to last an eternity but finally the mouths of the two open. First, the old man. “Sigh, I guess, I know Alisa better than anyone, so I can see how she’d be capable of crafting this sort of misunderstanding. I don’t like this but I understand.” Olivia is next she growls as gets out of the bed and picks up her own clothing and gets dressed in… surprisingly quick time despite all the leather and straps she has to attach and wrap. “Stupid… why do I even… urgh.” Corai breathed a massive sigh of relief and looked back down at the sleeping Alisa… who at that exact moment opened her eyes and had a glance around the room and this situation.

Corai’s heart stops and his body begins to pale. He sees a certain look on Alisa’s face. A sly scheming smile that evokes the spirit of a fox. He was about to be f****d. He couldn’t stop her from saying whatever she wanted. 

“Oh! Corai, you’re ready for round two this early in the morning? I’m still sore from last night! I know I said you could but… ah, you took me so forcefully, so many times! Taught me all sort of perverse things, made me do whatever you asked… it was so embarrassing… you didn’t even wear or use any protection, you know that’s really scary for a girl’s first time… there’s so much that I didn’t even think was possible, even when I said I was a bit uncomfortable...” 

Corai could only begin to shake like a reed in the wind. If the eyes of the old man were filled with the wrath of god a few moments ago, it now holds pure armageddon that will be let loose with one single tap against the glass. Corai hears the string of a bow being pulled and an arrow knocked against it. Something then appears in the hands of the old man. 

Something long, thick, black and brown, with two barrels. Corai’s eyes widened as he realised what it was. “Is that a f*****g shotgun…?” His reaction was barely audible as his body froze over as the gun was being aimed at him. “Where did you even get that? I haven’t seen…” 

The situation he saved had rapidly deteriorated in seconds. He had to rescue himself from this now, why him? He asked himself over and over. The curse of being the centre of attention continues to give him nothing but trouble...