Love Me (The Love Between Us Book 1)

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

It’s been two months since I’ve started this new path that included Chase. The adjustment have been small to start with, instead of practicing by myself in the gym. I now have a partner who joins me for the last twenty minutes before he heads off to his own practice. He kept his promise and has moved slow with me. We’re at a pace that I even allowed two people to know about us, Julia for one and Carter being the other, who I sometimes think knew all along about the first moment Chase and I shared.

With Christmas break approaching soon and the first girls basketball practice right before we are release. The pressure to prove that I deserve a starting position on this team weighs heavy on my mind. I’m focused on the task of three pointers that I don’t hear anyone approach and when I feel someone wrap their arms around me from behind, instead of being startled I’m pissed.

“What the hell Chase, I told you to stop doing that when I shoot.” I say to

him has I try to get out of his hold, but fail when he brings me back against chest.

“Calm down Bree, I’m sorry, I saw you and all I could think about was getting you in my arms before I had to leave for practice.”

“Well seeing has you still have twenty minutes till you leave for practice. You could have waited until I took the shot.” This time when I try to get out of his arms he lets me go.

“What is going on with you? I’ve been coming in here the last two months wrapping you in my arms and you’ve never had a problem with it. So tell me whats happen that now you have a problem with it.”

“Nothing happen or is wrong with me. I have the first practice in two days Chase. I need to focus and practice has much has I can right now. I’m not like you where I know I have a spot on the team. I have to earn my spot to start on a team I’ve never played on before, so I’m sorry that I wasn’t more excited to see you just now.” My voice rises with irritation that even asked.

“I know you have practice coming up Bree, I also know you can out play any of those girls. I also know that I had to earned my spot to play just like you will, so don’t give me that I’m not like you crap and think that I got my starting position without working for it.”

“I didn’t mean you didn’t earn it, I know you did. But the difference between the two of us is that you started right at the beginning with your team. I’m new to these girls, the same girls that have had their positions from the start and here I come in trying to take one of their positions away from them.”

“I get it Bree, but I think maybe your worrying about nothing, you practice more than any of those others girls and have talent like I’ve never seen before.” He says has he starts to approach me, but I don’t think he really understands what it means for me if I don’t make a starting position. And the past two months I felt off when practicing especially when he comes in for the last part and we ended up making out against the gym wall. The fear of him being a distraction that could become costly for me is back and instead of pushing it down like I’ve been doing I let it out of hiding.

“Listen, I just want practice by myself right now. I don’t need anymore distractions today.” I hold up my hand to stop him from coming any closer because I know if he does I’ll forget the fear I have right now.

“Are you saying I’m a distraction?” he says with hurt in his voice.

“Maybe, I told you I didn’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to distinguish what is or isn’t a distraction.”

“I’m not a distraction Bree! I’m someone who’s fall…You know what forget about it. I have to head to practice early anyway, that’s actually what I came in here to tell you in the first place that I couldn’t stay here with you today, but I guess maybe I shouldn’t come in here at all anymore wouldn’t want to distract you.”

I stand there in silence, I feel my stomach drop has I watch him walk out the door not knowing if he means not coming back for good or just until after I know where I stand with the team. I try to tell myself this what I want, what I need where I can regain my focus on what’s important to me. But has I stand there watching the gym door shut me in here alone, I feel another fear I’ve never felt before. A fear of losing Chase and this fear feels stronger than the fear of what a distractions would cause me.

Two days pass and Chase hasn’t step into the gym once to practice with me. In speech class we ignore each other, where in the past weeks I at least had the slips of his hands graze me with wanted touches from him. In the evenings I type out a text each night telling him, “I’m sorry” but delete them before I have the courage to hit send.

As the the day of the first basketball practice arrives I walk into the school searching for him. I don’t know why but for some reason I need to see his face, I’m desperate for him to tell me “You’ve got this Bree” and to have what they call a good luck kiss from him. I look to the heater where his friends and him are usually at, but today he’s not there with the others.

When the first bell sounds through the halls I make my way to class hoping he’s there waiting in his seat, but when I step in and notice the empty seat by mine disappointments runs through me. It’s not until the second bell rings that I hear him sit in his chair, when I look towards him with hope that he looking my way I’m not disappointed this time because he’s staring right back.

“Hi” I whisper low to him, offering a small smile.

With a quick head nod to me he faces the front and remains that way until the end of class. The fear I felt days ago returns and all during class all I think about is how I might actually lost Chase for good and ruined my first relationship in record time. When were dismiss I take my time packing up my books and wait for the other students to fall out of the classroom.

“Good luck today Bree.” Chase says has he stands from his seats and make his way to leave the classroom.

“I miss you.” I whisper low not entirely sure why I need to tell him that or even if he heard me, but when I see a pause in his step I actually think he made of heard me.

Has the day moves forward I try to keep my thoughts on basketball and what I need to do later to prove that I belong on their team, but fail miserably. I’ve never had trouble like I’m currently having, I’ve always been able to focus when needed too. I start to wonder if I’ve made a mistake adding Chase into the equation. What if dating him has thrown me off course, that I’ll never get back on course? These are questions I’ve been asking myself all through classes and in between, I’m so lost in trying to find the answers that when the bell rings to dismiss six period I’m left sitting in an empty classroom.

“Hey, I’ve been waiting at the lockers for you .” I hear my best friend say, as she walks into the classroom.

“Sorry, I was just thinking, didn’t hear the bell.”

“It’s okay, so what were you thinking about? Let me guess basketball. You’ll do great today don’t over think about it. You’ve got this Bree.” Julia says while giving my shoulder a squeeze has we walk towards our lockers.

“I guess I can’t help it, always worrying.”

“I bet a certain someone could help you with that worrying.” she adds a side bump to get her point across.

“Actually, Chase and me aren’t really talking right now.” I feel the hope not talking about the situation I find myself with him in vanish. Because I know she won’t let it go until I give her the gossip on why we’re not talking.

“What do you mean y'all aren’t talking, what happen? Do I need to go have a talk with that guy already about the importance of not hurting my friend?” she says with a huff.

“No, it wasn’t him Julia, it was me. I’m starting to wonder if Chase and me was just a mistake and what I really need to be doing is concentrating on making sure I get my scholarship.”

“Your totally joking with me right now, right? The two of you together Bree, was not a mistake. I think he’s someone you need, the relationship is something you need to experience and the way you talk about him. I’ve seen changes in you Bree, and they weren’t changes holding you back from getting your scholarship, they were changes helping you keep pushing. I just think you can’t see it, and that’s a shame you can’t.”

I’m not sure what she think I can’t see, I mean maybe when I talked about him to her I felt flutters in my stomach or it could just have been indigestion. And the only changes I’m currently seeing is that I’m failing at this relationship stuff, which is causing me to have my attention not on what I need to do to make sure my plans don’t fail.

“And with you saying that maybe it’s a sign I can’t do this relationship. That I’m just not meant to be in a relationship and maybe that’s a good thing for me right now.” I rebuke back to her.

“No, I think you just heard the negative views and not the positive views on what I just said. I think you want to find an easy way out because you don’t how to juggle both basketball and your relationship with Chase and you don’t know how to handle what your feeling for him.”

I don’t want to be having this conversation in the hall of the school. I shouldn’t be trying to figure things out right now or talking about it. What I need to be doing is getting ready for basketball practice.

“Listen, can we talk about this later, I need to get to the gym.” I tell her has I lock up my locker.

“Yeah, just let me say this last thing. Chase and basketball can work together you just have to find away for you to see it and make room for both.”

“Let me try to figure it out after practice, ok?” I say hoping we can end this conversation here.

“Ok, I’ll see you after practice.” With a hug from Julia I make my way to the gym.

Today’s practice seemed easy mostly involving introductions, short warm up drills, and reassurance from the coach that everyone will have a chance to go up for a starting position. As the day wines down I find myself lying in bed reflecting on the conversation with Julia and the short one I had with Chase in speech class.

My phone beeps to notify me of a incoming text, a small feeling of hope builds that the text is from Chase, but when I look at the screen I see Julia’s instead.

Julia:Have you talked to Chase yet?

Me:Nope

Julia:Why not?

Me:They had practice late today and I didn’t want to bother him.

Julia:Excuses, Man up and talk to him Bree, before it’s too late.

Me:I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to fix this. Maybe he doesn’t

want to hear from me, seeing how he’s not talking to me either.

Julia:A simple “I’m Sorry” might be your best chance to start with. It’s not hard to do Bree, you just have to want to do it.

I know she’s right, but what if “I’m sorry” isn’t enough. What if I’m already too late and Chase just wants to end this. I know that’s probably better for me in the long run, I would have more time to focus on basketball and not worrying how not to screw up a relationship.

Me:I’ll talk to him, I don’t know when but I will.

Julia:Ok, I don’t want you to miss out on something you might regret later. But enough boy chat, what are you doing the day after Christmas?

Me:Staying home,sleeping in, and some practice time at the gym.

Julia:Wrong, well we can sleep in but then you and me are going to Pampa to watch your man in the Championship game.

Me:Ah! That’s so sweet of you to plan my day for me,, what would I do without you?

Julia:Have a boring, miserable life…lol

Me:lol…seeing has you asked so nicely I guess I can change my day around to go to the game with you.

Julia:Didn’t ask, you were going no matter what…have a goodnight I need my beauty sleep, I’ll see you after Christmas.

Me:Good night

Before I put my phone away I pull up Chase’s name. I type out the same “I’m sorry” text that I’ve done the past days, just before I chicken out again, with a nervous finger I hit send. After a couple of minutes and no reply back from him, the fear that I’m too late and have lost Chase for good overpowers my emotions.

I wish there was a manual to explain why I’m laying here in my bed crying, a guide to help me understand what these different feelings I feel and what they mean. I wish I knew how to get through this and get back on track, but mostly I wish Chase was here.

I’ve almost cried myself to sleep when I hear another beep from my phone. Not wanting to to see what Julia has to say again I go to shut down my phone, but stop short when I see Chase name and a text from him.

Chase:Come outside, I’m on the back patio

I tiptoe towards the back door trying not to wake my parents and brothers. When I make it to the back door I pause before opening it, I take in the scene out the door window. Chase sits on the steps of the patio with his head leaning down in a slump, the moon overhead allowing the only light on this darken night. What if he finally came to tell me in person, that this relationship is something he doesn’t want to try with me anymore. I know I keeping telling myself it’s better that way, but there’s this unknown source inside me that has me saying, “I need him, I don’t want him to walk away.”.

Has I take a calm breath and prepare myself to face what he is about to say. I take one more needed glance at him and open the door.

“Hey” by sound of my voice Chase looks over his shoulder.

“Hey”

“I’m sorry” rushes out of me.

He pats the open space beside him “Come over here Bree.” I take the few steps to him in a snail pace. Which has Chase notice causing him to smile “It’s okay Bree, there nothing to be worried about.” his statement has me releasing a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I take the seat beside him waiting in silence on the fate of our relationship.

“I need to apologize Bree, I forgot for a moment this is new to you.” He says while reaching for my hands, which at the moment are pried together in my lap. When he breaks them apart and takes one in his he goes on. “I told you I would help guide you through this at a pace you asked, and I forgot. I guess I was just hoping you caught up to me, that you would understand the way I feel for you would be the same for what you felt for me.”

I’m confused by what he saying. I mean yes I’m new to this and asked him to move with me at a slow pace, but what has me confused is what he means by feelings. What does he feel for me that I should be feeling for him?

By my confused look I’m supporting Chase lets a bark laugh out. With his other hand he cups the side of my face.

“I love you Bree, I think that first day of school when I saw you something sparked in me. I’m not asking you to say it back because I think you need time to figure out how you feel for me in your own way and time. But I’m telling you because I want this relationship to work Bree. I have had relationships before and never felt like this with any of those girls.”

“I don’t….” The rest of my words are stuck because I find myself stuck on replaying his words “I love you” over in my head.

“Hey” He whispers while moving closer “I can wait until your ready and you’ve figured it out that it’s okay, to love me, there’s no rush remember we go at this with the pace you want.”

“It might be awhile because I’m trying to work out all these new feelings that are happening when I’m with you . I ‘ve been so focused on one thing for so long I’ve never allowed anything else in, of the fear that it would cost me my future.”

“I know Bree, just know I’ll never ask you to love me, but when I think and see your ready, I’ll tell you to love me, because by then you’ll know I won’t be a distraction.” And with that said Chase kisses me, a kiss that has reassurance behind it that our relationship keeps moving forward.