My Mr.Big

Gabby

The next day as soon as I got out of my morning class, I sat on the bench outside the classroom in the hallway. I crossed my legs, and got to typing. I was writing a very long winded text. Students passed me by but I was focused. I wanted to tell her about this guy. I couldn’t wait for fall break. I told her I was in love, he would be my next boyfriend, and that we would make sweet love.

Bestie, I can’t wait to see you!

I have to tell you about last night…

I met my soul mate, he is GORGEOUS!! His name is James.

I went to a new coffee shop (I’m taking you there) he works there and he walked me home. He was so easy to talk to. I wanted to jump into his arms and make out with him right then and there. Ahhh!! The day he is in me I will scream and everyone in New York will hear my orgasm.

She knew I was joking. She asked me if I had his number, “no” I said disappointed. I hadn’t realized that important piece to the equation was missing. I knew where he worked, but I felt too embarrassed to show up there. I kept my eyes peeled every time I saw a tall man on campus, but I never ran into him.

I met Gabby my sophomore year of high school. I joined the schools creative writing program. We met after school and would have prompts we worked on. On one project Gabby and I were paired together. We had to write a story going back and forth taking turns adding the next part. It’s like our brains connected, we made each other laugh so much, to the point of my stomach hurting, and I was looking around due to embarrassment from my uncontrolled laughter. After that we would look for each other before school, during lunch, after school. We became really close, I felt I knew everything about her, and she knew everything about me. There’s nothing that I felt I couldn’t tell her. Our families were very different. My mom had always been there for me, she was loving, comforting, and I never questioned her love for me. Gaby’s parents lived in constant conflict, she often left home, to escape the arguments. She was over at my house most school nights. Since I had no siblings I loved having her over. My mom wanted to have more kids, she tried for 9 years after me. Gabby was the the second daughter my parents never got. They treated us the same. They would even get her presents on birthdays and Christmas. She was the youngest of 4 siblings, she made it seem like she was an accident, and by the time she was a child her parents were over being parents. Her parents were over everything, they didn’t keep a clean home, they didn’t seem to love each other, and they would often leave Gabby in the care of an adult sibling. Gabby is extremely extroverted, she could talk to anyone, she is daring, and bold. All the anxiety and shyness she lacks I have, but somehow we work. I love her. I wish she would ask me for help. She is independent. There have been moments where she is truly struggling and I wish she would come to me and my parents. There was a time where her mom where her mom was unemployed, she would be absent from the home a lot, I don’t know where, and we had a class trip. This trip required a parent permission slip but also had an additional cost of $120, it was an overnight stay. I didn’t find this out until after the trip. I know my parents would have happily paid for her, but she didn’t ask. I get it. I know she feels a lot of embarrassment. She often talks about being 18, moving out, and having peace. Now Gabby is far far away in California studying and I couldn’t be happier for her.

The week of fall break I did not plan to go home. My parents were taking a couples trip to Costa Rica and I decided to stay on campus. Gabby arrived on an evening, we got Chinese, and watched s*x in the City in my laptop in bed. It felt like being home. She caught me up on her life in California. She had been partying a lot and was working a part time in a clothing boutique. California suited her, she had a beautiful tan and there was a glitter in her eyes. When we finished our food, she grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye, and said, “let’s go to the coffee shop!” She started dancing with excitement. “No, it’s 10pm, it’s 30 degrees outside” I said. She made big puppy eyes, held her hands in prayer motion, and whimpered. She always had a power over me, she would convince me to do things, and take me out of my shell. I stood up and looked in the mirror. My hair was up in a messy bun, with side pieces out. I was wearing an oversized beige crew neck, off-white trousers, I put on my suede clogs, a thick camel wool scarf, and red lipstick. I was so nervous to finally see James again. Maybe this was his night off and I wouldn’t see him. I felt a tickle in my stomach. We walked through the freezing New York air holding arms. At a distance I saw the warm orange glow again and the smell of cinnamon came to my mind. We walked in, the chatter was loud, and there was a calm guitar music playing in the background. He was there on the counter, taking someone’s order, with his bright white smile. Oh my god! On the side I was jumping up and down, but on the outside I looked around, looked at Gabby, looked at the floor. “Bestie, he is hot!” Gabby said with an excited giggle. “Shh” I told her as I pulled her closer to me, “don’t say anything” I whispered to her. It was our turn to order, he looked at Gabby and then at me. His smile only got in bigger, his eyes felt like they were piercing into my soul, I felt naked. “What can I get you ladies?” He said keeping his eyes on me. Gabby responded before I could think, “hmm what is your favorite drink?” She asked. She was attempting to make small talk with him, which only made me feel smaller and embarrassed. I switched my gaze to her, seeing her perky rosy cheeks. She ended up picking a latte as she always did and we talked over to the only open table. It was toward the front and had a candle warmer lamp on it. The candle has a sweet vanilla smell, I reached in an took a sniff the way you would with a flower. Now I had a smile form ear to ear, “so what do you think?” I said to G, “girl yes 100 times yes!” I took a sip of my tea letting the hot water run through and warm all my insides. I was trying my best not to look toward the counter, Gabby and I got to talking about California again. I noticed she hadn’t brought up her family at all and I didn’t want to ask. Talking about them usually brought a sour taste to the conversation like rancid milk. I had finished my tea and needed to use the bathroom which mean walking by the counter! I took in a deep breath building up the courage. “Do you want to go to the bathroom?” I asked “na” gabby said pulling out her phone. I got up, planning to walk by the counter, and not look his way. But as I passed my eyes looked and there he was looking at me smiling, I turned my head back forward and went to the bathroom. What is this? Why does he make me feel this way? Seriously! Just looking at me? Just smiling? And I’m this nervous for what? I can’t tell if he likes me or not. I mean he didn’t ask for my number that night. Maybe this was all me, infatuated. I shook my head hoping to shake off the intensity of my thoughts and feelings towards him. When I went back to the table Gabby was walking around the coffee shop looking at the art pieces from local artist for sale. I took a seat, placed my elbow in the table, rested my head on my hand, and started to dose off looking into nothing. I was instantly brought back to reality as James came and plopped himself in the seat right in front of me. He was smiling, his eyes looked mischievous. I hated his confidence it’s like he knew he had me. But it was also his confidence that made me so attracted to him. “It’s been a while seen I’ve seen you” he said it so casually like we were old friends who saw each other all the time. “Yeah.. I’ve been studying a lot” I said not taking my eyes off his face. “I wanted to ask you” he said and my heart stopped, was he asking me on a date? “We have been trying to hire a new barista for a while, I have been working more shifts than I would like, I think you would be great for the job.” I laughed, “no no, I am barely keeping up with my classes as is, I don’t think I could handle a job on top of classes.” His smile had closed, it was more of a disappointed smirk now. I looked around and noticed Gabby was no longer looking at art but observing us from a distance, I think trying to not “interrupt.” “Well that’s ok, it’s your first year right?” He said. “Yeah it is” I replied. He stood up, looked me up and down, smiled “I’ll see you around Millie” he turned around and started walking away. I stood up instantly, as if possessed by a women who was not me, I went after him, put my hand on his back, it felt incredibly hard, and turned around. The smile was back as he looked down to me. “Hmm can I have your number?” I said handing him my phone for him to type in. He took it and put his number in. As he handed me back my phone with his other hand he placed his hand holding my chin up to him, “you’re beautiful” he said, I could feel my cheeks were warm and probably flushed.

The next day Gabby and I had plans of going to the city and doing tourist things. We wanted to eat a pizza, walk in the park, and see the city views from the Rockefeller Center. Gabby was impressed by my confidence in giving my number. Honestly I was impressed too. Although all day we were busy doing things in the back of my mind was a quiet inpatient tap, wondering when to text him and what to say. I felt I had made a wrong move taking his number. I should have gave him mine, so that he could reach out. Now the ball was on my court and it was up to me to reach out. Could it be any more obvious how badly I want him! Agh!