My Mr.Big

Second Time

This would be the second time we have s*x. He stood up, kissed me, I could feel the wetness of his mouth cover my face as well. He pulled me away in a hurry, into the building, we went up a staircase, the rest of the building was empty. We walked into a classroom and he took me near the professors desk and podium. I felt worried, exposed, someone could walk in on us. We would be caught and seen. He seemed to have zero worries. He sat me in the desk and began kissing my neck. “What if someone comes in?” I asked. “Hey, it’s just you and me no one else. No one is looking for us. No one is coming up” he reassured me. This is who I wanted to be. I wanted to be careless, risky, and stop following all the rules. I wanted to have fun and to make myself happy, even if it came with future pain. I knew giving myself to James would come with pain. I pulled myself up, got off the desk, and turned for him to pull my zipper down. My gown fell to the grown, I stepped out of it, and slid my panties down slowly. He was observing me, I walked over to him, he ran his hand through the back of my head, gripping my hair tightly causing me to arc my back. I thought even if someone saw us they would probably stop and stare. He began kissing my chest as I stood there, arched, him holding my head, and I felt in bliss. He turned me around and I caught my balance by placing my hands on the desk. He had me bent over, I felt his thick dic* slip into me. He had both hands on my waist pulling me back and forth as he thrusted into me. My cheeks were slapping against his body. Moans and screams came out of me loudly filling the empty classroom.

When we were done I got dressed. I felt like I needed a shower, like someone could smell the s*x on me. He hadn’t gotten undressed, he stood by the door waiting for me to finish getting dressed. He was on his phone. The frustration was building in me again. I want to yank the phone out of his hand! I walked over to him and saw him exit out of a text message that said Zara. My heart dropped. I felt light headed. I had always suspected he was “cheating” on me. He’s not mine I remind myself. But how many other me’s does he have? Or who is she? I have not heard of any Zara come up with any of his friends or on campus. Now it’s not just a suspicion, there’s a name, and probably many more names I don’t know about.

When I got to my room I started searching. He did not have a social media, but I was hoping Zara would. So many different girls came up, it would be impossible for me to figure this out. “Agh!” I let out unconsciously. Chel’s turned to look at me, “what?” she asked. “Oh I’m trying to find a Zara on social media and I’m not able to find who it is” I said realizing how ridiculous I sounded. “Oh.. I have a friend who is really good at investigating, do you know her number or have a picture of her?” She asked. “No” I said disappointed. “I don’t know how to get that stuff, I saw James texting a Zara, that’s all I know.” She gave me look, letting me know she was not surprised. Now that she knew it was James I think she regretted offering the information but it was too late.

“How bad do you want to know? I can find out for you, I know someone who can do it, you would just have to give me his number, it’s not a legal way of finding out” she said raising her eyebrows.

“Oh my god yes! I don’t care” I handed her my phone in a hurry and she took his number.

“I’ll let you know what he finds” she said.

I feel scared about what I can find. I hope it’s nothing, a cousin, anything that won’t hurt me. Something in me tells me it’s more, that it’s going to cut me even more. I don’t want to know, but I also do. I feel dumb. I don’t want to ask him, I don’t think he would be honest with me. I see how he talks to other girls, not just me. I hate him. I’m wondering if this is the same girl from before the summer. Does he love her?

I feel like I’m completely naked in a sense. I don’t know how to be without him. I don’t know how to stop being with him. I want him to understand me. I don’t want to cry to him. The plan was never to be hurting this way. I have few words for him. If he’s not with me, how can I be?