It Kills Me: A Forbidden Dark Romance

4

I got into the back seat beside my father, and his driver took us to the restaurant a few blocks away. We were dropped off at the front, and my father’s men remained behind us, trying to blend in even though they didn’t look like patrons of the restaurant.

We were taken to a two-person table, while they sat together at a table for four, their guns and knives hidden underneath their jackets.

He pulled out the chair for me and sat across from me. “I was so busy today, I forgot to eat.” He looked at the menu. “I’m starving.”

I took a quick glance at it even though I already knew what I wanted.

“Getting the gnocchi?” he asked.

“You know me so well.”

The waitress came over, making eyes at my father, and then took down the order he gave for both of us. He ordered the wine too, making all the decisions in a nanosecond as always.

The wine was uncorked, and the bread was brought to the table.

I dug into the warm bread and ripped off a piece to dab in the olive oil.

“How was your day?” he asked.

“Good.” I swallowed the piece. “Yours?”

His eyes shifted back and forth between mine, like he picked up on my tone. “Something on your mind?”

I wiped my fingers on the linen in my lap before I looked at him. “Do you like Ryan?”

He stilled at the question, his eyes narrowing.

I waited for him to speak.

He took his time in responding, choosing between a lie and the truth.

I gave him the easy way out. “Because Axel tells me you don’t.”

He remained quiet.

“Which is news to me…”

He was a man of few words, always thinking carefully before he put his words out into the universe. He did the same thing now, rehearsing his approach before he spoke. “Sweetheart, it’s complicated.”

“We tell each other everything. It’s not complicated.”

“I’m not sure why Axel told you that.” Accusation was in his eyes.

Some strange part of me wanted to protect Axel. I had no idea why. “We were talking about relationships, and it accidentally slipped out. He was under the impression I already knew how you felt.”

The clouds in his eyes slowly passed. “Casting judgment on the man you’re interested in puts me in a precarious position. I have a lot more to lose in the situation than you do.”

“How so?”

“Because if I tell you I don’t like him, that might make you like him out of defiance.”

I gave a subtle shake of my head. “I don’t have that kind of attitude.”

“Or perhaps I’ve misjudged him, and I negatively influenced your good relationship when I should have stayed out of it. Or even worse, you distance yourself from me because my opinion makes you uncomfortable. If this were business, it would be more straightforward, but when it’s family, it’s infinitely more complicated. Being a father is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s also the best. And the last thing I want to do is ruin this pure, beautiful thing that we’ve built together.”

I looked into his kind eyes and saw the love he had for me burning from his soul.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you, sweetheart.”

“It’s okay, Dad.”

“I’ll be honest with you from now on. But please don’t ask me if you aren’t prepared for the answer.”

“Fair enough.” I gave a slight smile.

He smiled back.

“So, why don’t you like him?”

That brilliant smile disappeared, and he didn’t answer because the waitress brought our dishes. I got pasta, but he got a prawn salad. She walked away, and then we were left with the tension of my question.

He took his time forming his answer. “He’s too passive.”

“He’s easygoing. I thought that was a good thing.”

“No,” he said quickly. “You want a man who isn’t afraid to say what he thinks, even if it conflicts with your beliefs. He seems like someone who will choose the path of silence rather than conflict because it’s not worth the effort—which means he doesn’t think he, himself, is worth the effort. I understand you’re smart and independent, so you don’t need a man the way another woman might, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve one. You deserve a man who takes care of you and everything else, even though he knows you can do it yourself. Because he wants to. He opens every door. Pulls out every chair. Makes you feel like you’re the only woman in the room even when that room is full of supermodels. I’ve seen his gaze stray…”

“I don’t care if he looks at other women⁠—”

“You should.”

“I notice other men⁠—”

“Then he’s not right for you,” he said simply. “I know this is a cliché, and I feel like a p***y for even saying it…”

I hesitated because I’d never heard my father say anything like that. He didn’t even curse if I was in his presence. The only time I heard him talk like a gangster was when he thought I was out of earshot and he was ripping into someone.

“But I want you to have a man who treats you the way I treat you. Loves you the way I love you. I’ve done everything I can to prove my love for you is unconditional. I’ve sacrificed so much for you, but I’ve done that happily because you’re the single most important thing to me…and I’m pretty sure you’ve never had to question that.”

His words nearly brought me to tears.

“You should never have to question him, sweetheart. When you aren’t in the room, you know his eyes aren’t where they shouldn’t be. That whenever you text him, he’ll always respond, that you’re always his top priority. You never have to wonder where he is or what he’s doing because he doesn’t lie, and he keeps his word to you. Even if he never tells you he loves you, you would know that he does. That’s what I want for you. And Ryan isn’t it.”

I digested all of that as I let my food grow cold.

“I hope I haven’t upset you too much.”

“No, I’m fine,” I said quickly. “I just don’t understand how you have such a profound opinion on relationships when I’ve never seen you be in one.”

He grabbed his fork and pushed a shrimp aside as he considered his response. “I know what I want for you, sweetheart. You’re such a smart girl—woman—and you have so much potential. You deserve the best. I know I’m biased because I’m your father, but I know a diamond when I see one.”

“Thanks, Dad…”

He took a bite of his salad.

“Dad?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Why haven’t you been in a relationship?”

“I’m too busy for that.”

“But you’ve never been in one.”

He took a bite and then another one, elbows off the table, his head down. “Why do you ask?”

“Doesn’t everyone want someone?” I asked. “To fall in love and grow old together?”

“I don’t know. Never really thought about it. I didn’t want to have a woman in my life until you were out of the house.”

“Well, I’m twenty-five now…” I’d moved out shortly after I became an adult. Got my own apartment, took a couple classes at the university, spent my time figuring out what I wanted in life.

He chuckled. “Time goes by fast, doesn’t it?”

“Why are you evading the question?”

“Nothing gets past you, huh?” He continued his smirk. “I think I got comfortable being alone, and now I don’t have an incentive to change it. And when I said I was too busy, that was the truth. To slow things down to get to know someone…” He shook his head. “That seems like too much work. And then she’d probably want to have children, and I’m not interested in having more. I already have my pride and joy.”

If she wanted to have children, that told me he would only be interested in women half his age…women my age. And it would be weird to see him with someone who could easily be one of my friends.

“How’s your gnocchi?”

“I haven’t tried it yet.”

“I know you haven’t.” He gave me another playful smile. “Enough of all this seriousness. Let’s enjoy our dinner.”