The Imperial Warrior

Chapter 4- Say You Won't Let Go

Kyle had an intense desire to laugh, not because he found anything even slightly humorous but because his situation had become so sad it was just amusing him now. 

"Let me guess, I have been destined with this journey and now my time has come?"

Derek did not react, he just looked at Kyle with a poker face; he was definitely hiding something, "Kyle, this isn't a joke, you saw in the mirror, what do you think that was?"

"I don't know, maybe you guys spiked my food or something." Even though Kyle was saying this, some part of him wanted to believe himself but he knew that he was lying.

"Don't lie to yourself, Kyle."

"What do you want me to say, Derek? I don't want to be an 'Imperial' or whatever is the name of your cult."

"Cult? You think this is a cult?!" Liam couldn't rein his anger in anymore, he was again going to pounce on Kyle but Derek motioned him to stay behind. 

"Listen Kyle, you know that something has been up with you since the past week," Kyle was about to interrupt him to defend himself, "No, let me finish, then you decide whether you want to believe me or not."

"Alright."

"Your head is throbbing right now, isn't it?"

"Yes but—"

"So, it has already begun. Since how many days have your hands been doing that?"

"Doing what?" Derek walked up to him and removed his hand from his pocket. Kyle's hand was shivering, not shivering, he was trembling, as if his entire body was scared; and it was.

"I don't know, a couple of days."

"What about your sleep? When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

"How do you know all this?"

"Because it has happened to all of us, Kyle. Now do you believe me?"

"I don't know." Kyle's mind was trying to process all this, he didn't know what to say or do. But he knew that he needed answers, and this was as close he had come to finding any. "Are hallucinations a part of all this too?"

"Sometimes, it's not exactly a standard procedure, Kyle. And you set in really late, so I can't say what all will happen to you."

"Set in what? Am I sick? Is this some sort of infection?"

"No, you aren't sick. You are just changing—" This time of the two who hadn't spoken a bit interrupted. "That's enough, Derek. You aren't telling him anymore here."

"Why? What's wrong."

"Can't you hear them coming?" Kyle was about to ask hear who coming but then he realized the question wasn't directed at him. He looked at Derek who had closed his eyes now and his body was arched towards the door, as if listening for something. 

"You know, you might as well teach him too. God knows he will need it one day." Kyle didn't know the names of the last two boys, but they looked like twins. 

Derek opened his eyes, nodded and told Kyle, "Kyle, close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Just do it." Derek snapped.

He closed his eyes. "Now concentrate towards the door. Don't hold yourself back, you can let go; if anything happens, we are there, lose control, Kyle."

Kyle was about to open his eyes and shout at Derek, how does one let go of control? It wasn't a button, that he could push and Tada! No control anymore. But he decided to give it a try anyway. He just closed his eyes and focused towards the door. A minute passed and nothing happened, but when he about to give in, he heard her. 

Anya was frantically narrating the whole situation to Will. Both he and Alex were telling her to take deep breaths. He wanted to listen in more but Derek was tapping on his shoulder. "That's enough now, we got everything we needed."

"We did?"

"Yes, now Kyle, you have to come with us. You can't go near them, not for a while."

"What? Why? They are my best friends; whatever it is they'll understand."

"Kyle, you can't go with them because you'll hurt them and maybe this time you won't be able to control it? Can't you feel it, you are getting stronger, Kyle."

Kyle didn't feel anything like that but even the slightest possibility of hurting Anya, of hurting his friends, of hurting anyone was enough to persuade him. As if right on cue, Alex burst through the door with Will tailing behind. 

"Kyle?" They both looked at him. Kyle was didn't know what to say, he knew they were staring at him because of the veins and his bloodshot eyes but he couldn't help anything either. So, he immediately shrugged his jacket on, "I'm okay guys, I just have to go."

Kyle thought that would make them stay away, if he chooses to go with random strangers over the people he had known all his life, then it was obvious that he was avoiding them. Alex stepped forward anyway, "Kyle, I know you might be hurt because Anya and I kept that from you and we are really sorry—"

"Oh, so you are a 'we' already." Kyle sneered at Alex; he knew that this was the only way he'd keep them away; only if they believed that he was mad at them. 

A look of hurt flashed across Alex's face but it vanished as soon as it had come, now he was angry, "I thought you'd be happy for us, Kyle." He was about to say more but Will stopped him, "Kyle, come with us, we can talk everything out."

"No Will, I know where I stand for them, you should understand too."

Kyle knew he was hurting them but he had no other option, but he couldn't pretend any longer either, so he just walked out. On the way, he saw Anya. Her face immediately broke into a smile upon seeing him. It was an easy smile; a reflex of doing something all your life. 

Kyle saw that he was breaking her heart over and over again, but this was better than hurting her, so he kept on walking. Anya was too dazed to run after him, so he walked and kept walking until he had reached the school gates. He would wait for Derek there. 

Kyle went and sat in his car, he was so frustrated that he banged his head against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He needed his thoughts to stop for a minute but he just wouldn't catch a break. Derek tapped on his window and signaled him to open the door, it was only Derek now; the others didn't seem to be coming. Kyle opened the door for him, and Derek climbed in. 

"Where are we going?" 

"Anywhere you feel safe, we have a lot to talk about."

Kyle drove all the way to the other side of the town; he knew he couldn't go home or any of the usual places he visited so he went to the last place anyone would expect him to be. 

They sat in silence until they reached the place. 

"Kyle!" Derek's voice was so sudden that the car almost skid over the turn. "Don't shout like that."

"I'm not shouting."

"Then what was that?"

"You are taking us to the town cemetery, aren't you?"

"Umm, yes. Is that a problem?"

"So, you feel safe at a cemetery? Now aren't you a box of surprises." Derek didn't know how to react to that; Kyle was already a peculiar case and his quirks just seemed to be adding on to the list.

"I didn't have any other option."

Derek didn't say anything and Kyle didn't want to elaborate on the topic anyway so he was glad; at least he didn't get into the prying cult.

Once they reached there, Kyle jumped down from his car and started walking to his usual park bench. Derek looked around to see if anyone was there and once, he was sure they were alone, he started to talk.

❄❄❄

As soon as Anya reached home, she started crying. Alex wanted to follow her in but she told him not to; she couldn't cry in front of him and there was only so long she could hold her tears inside. So, the moment she entered her room, well her room at the Jones' house, she let go. She crumbled to the floor and cried until her eyes dried out. She couldn't understand where she had gone wrong, she knew she was a terrible person but she couldn't place the exact moment things had started to fall apart. She missed her mother, so bad. She could talk to her mother about anything; but in the last few days she had with her, she didn't and now, she could never again. And the only person who would understand all this was gone too. 

The look Kyle had given her, she never imagined that she would be the person to put it there. His eyes, they were always so kind, they reflected what he felt on the inside and Anya could always read them. Even one look into his eyes was enough to let her know what Kyle was feeling. A slight movement, the shift in the eyeball, just his being; god, she couldn't explain how she knew him but she just did. How could you not know someone you have lived with all your life. And today, there was nothing. He was completely indifferent towards the world, towards her.

She broke down again, she couldn't control her tears, everything just hurt so much. Her head was bursting and she was tired, Anya was really tired and just wanted to fall asleep. She couldn't though, all her dreams were nightmares and now reality seemed like that too. So, she picked herself up, washed her face and kept moving forward, just like she always would. After all, she was her mother's daughter and her mother had not raised a weak woman. 

She was going towards the kitchen to get something to eat when she saw that Alex was still outside. He was sitting in the car, his eyes angled towards something distant and far off. She went out and tapped on the door.

"Hey,"

"Anya, I—"

"You are still here." It wasn't a question.  

"I'm. I will always be there, Anya."

She smiled, despite everything she smiled. It was a weak smile but a smile nonetheless. That was the thing about Alex, he could always make her smile. No matter what was happening in his life, Alex would drop everything in a second for a single text of hers. And she knew that. That is why she was so scared of him. She knew the power she had over him and she prayed to god that she wouldn't break his heart. 

"Come in?"

Alex followed her into the house. He had so desperately been in love with her, long before he had confessed his feelings. She was the only girl whom he had ever loved, ever even seen. For as long as he could remember, he had wanted her; and that day, when she said yes to him, all his dreams had come true right in front of him. He was so happy that day.

Alex was pacing, 'today is the day' he told himself, he had to do it that day. He had to, it was now or never. Because who would he be if he didn't even try. 

He remembered this episode of Grey's Anatomy he was watching with his sister. The guy in the series had just lost the love of his life. So, he was telling his friend that if he loved someone, he had to tell her. He had to say it, and say it loud. Then he went from there. That dialogue just kept revolving in his mind. So, he was going to confess his feelings to Anya. He was going to tell her how he was completely in love with her. In her eyes, her words, her smile, her hands when they tucked that strand of hair behind her ears, her lips when they called out his name, the way everything she said sounded like magic, that he was in love with her entire being and he really hoped that some fraction of her had felt the same way about him too. He had the entire speech ready, and had recited it so many times. He thought that even Will would have learned it by then.

Then he saw her, and all the words abandoned him, she was so beautiful. How did he even think he had a chance with a girl like that? She smiled, her smile, there was something in Anya's smile that would have taken anyone's breath away. She smiled with her whole being. It was difficult to make someone understand, but she smiled in the way she stood, in the way her hair touched her collarbones, in the way she waved at him that day. So, he took a deep breath and walked towards her.

"Anya, I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to not say anything until I'm done because otherwise, I won't be able to finish." He didn't wait for her to say anything. His heart was beating so fast, and he knew that his hands were trembling so he tried to keep them out of her range of vision.   

He looked at her, and some part of him was so sure that she knew what he was about to do but it didn't matter anymore. He had come this far, so now he had to go through it. She didn't say anything, just nodded her head once and waited for him.

"I'm in love with you, Anya Jade Jacob. I have been in love with you for so long now that I don't remember a time when I wasn't. And I know what you'd think, so before you ask, No, I'm not messing with you. This isn't a prank. In fact, it is the only thing I'm sure about in my life."

After he said that much, he realized he had forgotten the rest of his speech. He was about to kick himself, months of recitation and yet he failed to memorize a few lines. Perhaps, the most important lines of his life.

He took another breath, there was no turning back now. He was looking into her eyes, deep in them, and he could see that they sparkled. That she sparkled. Something inside him just clicked then, the nerves subsided and the words just started flowing out, "And I know that this is risking our friendship and changing everything we have now, but I want it to change, Anya. I want to love you. I know you'd want everything to remain the same but it can't be the same because god, have I started loving you. And that smile of yours and those eyes. You know sometimes you make me wonder if you are even human because damn, humans can't be that beautiful.

"And it's not only that, Anya. It's all of you. It's the way you always try to do the right thing, the messy food combinations you keep on making all of us try, it's the way you look at me right before you fall asleep in my car, the fact that you love cats, tolerate dogs and hate parrots exactly in that order, it's just you. I want everything with you, Anya, because I'm so terribly in love with you."

Alex finally exhaled, that was it, he said everything he wanted to say and just before he started to believe that he had committed a huge mistake, he heard her voice, "Finally, did you know how long I had been waiting to hear those words. Well, not all of those words, I didn't know you'd have so many of them, but some of them, definitely. But the rest of them too, you know, in some way I knew you'd say a lot of them because none of them made sense to me. Now, I'm not making any sense, am I?"

Anya was rambling, Alex knew that she always rambled when she was nervous but he really couldn't understand what she was saying anymore.

"What are you saying, Anya?"

Anya looked up at him, he was looking at her with so much love, she realized now that he had always looked at her like that. Looking at him immediately made her feel better. 

"I'm saying that I feel the same way, Alex."

"Wait, what—"

"I do,"

Alex couldn't believe his ears. He was so happy that he forgot Anya was still talking. He moved closer and pulled her into a hug. She was startled at first but then moved closer and Alex held her. He pulled her tighter when he realized what was actually happening. His heart was beating so fast, this time out of happiness, that he thought even Anya could hear it then. He could feel her hands on his back, warmth seeping through them like sunshine. He hadn't realized that one person has the capacity to make another so happy. He rested his head on hers and closed his eyes, trying to remember that moment. 

He saw that girl now, sitting in front of him. Her eyes were swollen and he could see that she hadn't slept in a while. His heart broke after seeing Anya's face like that and not being able to do anything about it. Her eyes were small, as if the weight of the entire world had fallen on her shoulders. He knew it had, that her entire world was collapsing right in front of his eyes and he wasn't able to do anything about it. All he could do was stand and watch. He wanted her to come to him, allow him to offer whatever help he had but he knew that she would always turn to Kyle first. That part infuriated him to his core, but who was he to object. He didn't even know where their relationship stood now, all he knew that he had to be there for her; even if she was pushing him away, especially then. 

"So, what do you want to do?"

Alex realized he was staring at her, but how could he not do that every second of every hour? She was so beautiful. 

"About what?"

"Kyle."

As if there was anything to be done about Kyle. He would always do whatever he wanted to, no matter whom he hurt along the way. For Kyle, everyone was just collateral damage, everyone but Anya; even that seemed to be changing now. And Anya would always follow Kyle, even if that led to the end of the world, and he, well, he loved that girl. That would always be the way everything was with the three of them. 

Alex tried to think of a time when he wasn't so bitter towards Kyle. It had been before he had started to have feelings towards his best friend. Then, it hit him, he wasn't bitter, he was jealous of Kyle. And his relationship with Anya. Even now, they were in Kyle's house, not his. That was because Kyle's father was Anya's godfather, he tried telling himself. He was going to be with Anya, even if that meant trying to be calm every time, she brought up the name of the boy who'd hurt her so much. Her arm still ached; he knew that. He also knew that she had been trying to hide that from him.

"I don't know, Anya. What do you want to do?"

"Well, he is clearly hurt because I didn't tell him about us."

"It's my fault, Anya. I told you to wait until we were ready for that. I'm sorry, love. I really am."

They were sitting in the living room. Anya was seated on the couch and Alex on the armchair beside her. He quickly got up and sat beside her and took her hand. That act itself sent pulses down his body. He wondered how such a small touch could make someone go that crazy. He was holding her hand in both of his; one could almost say that he was praying. 

"Alex, it's not you. I just didn't expect Kyle to act this way, not after everything."

"No one did."

She intertwined her hand into his and they sat there like that for a long time. They weren't really talking and yet they knew exactly what the other one needed. Alex knew that he just had to hold her hand until she fell asleep. She hadn't had a good night's sleep in so long that the bags under her eyes kept getting darker and darker. She had her eyes closed, but he knew she was awake. She moved in closer to him and looped her hand through his elbow and laid her head on his chest. Eventually, her breaths evened out and she could finally breathe again.

Since the day her parents had died, she wasn't able to breathe. At least that's how she'd describe it. She would always fall short of air and at times, when she started crying, she'd almost gasp for it. But at that moment, she was okay. Not fine, but she could breathe, and she was grateful for it. There weren't many things left in her life to be grateful for; she was glad Alex was one of them. 

After a while, Anya opened her eyes, she saw Alex looking down at her. His hand was on her shoulder and the other still holding hers. She almost felt peaceful. 

"Good morning,"

Alex smiled. At that moment, he could see his entire life ahead. Waking up to that face every single morning and just being so completely in love with another person. He always thought that love with an intensity like that wasn't meant for another person but after he met Anya, he had realized how could you not give that kind of love. It would have been cruel to keep that to himself. 

"What are you looking at?"

"You."

Anya couldn't help but smile back. She knew that her arm was incredibly sore, her best friend in the whole wide world had pushed her away, and her parents were dead but, at that moment, she forgot about all of it. She was just a girl falling in love with a boy. 

Alex bent down and kissed her forehead. That sent shivers down her spine. Exhilarating shivers, the kind you want more of. Then she propped herself up with her good arm and slid in closer to him. She wanted more of him, she wanted to touch his hair, wanted to see how they felt under her hand. If his sandy blonde was actually coarse like sand or fine like silk. She wanted to feel the little stubble that had grown back. And it looked like he felt the same thing. He was looking at her with an expression that she could literally translate into 'f**k it'.

Because just after then, he grasped her hand tighter and moved in closer to her, and kissed her. His lips were so soft and hesitant and the kiss even worse. They both did not know how it worked and that fact hit them almost at the same time. They pulled back and started laughing. She was still looking at him when Alex started to say, "Sorry—"

This time Anya leaned in first, and her mind exploded. There weren't any fireworks, there were bombs, telling her to run, to get closer. And she did, once their lips interlocked, she realized why one always remembered first kisses. And what they tasted like. Hers tasted of peanuts and chocolate, of grief drowned in momentary happiness, and of a hundred more to come.