Not All Heroes Are Guiltless

Chapter 65

Chapter 65

Aela’s POV

Seeing the rubble that was once called the palace brings back memories, which only makes me more depressed. I have avoided this area like the plague. Confidently, I can help design and build the capital. However, I have been terrified and scared of the palace.

The wreckage of the palace just hammers into all my faults. I was a privileged princess with everything handed to her. I believed I was to follow in my mother’s footsteps. It began as a way to prove to myself that I could take on the role given to me by my birthright. I snuck around my aunt because I was afraid she would disapprove. I was right. She told me how much she feared I would follow my mother to her death.

In the end, she allowed me to continue with training and then a position within Andrew’s troop. But it was only a way to make sure I was protected and safe while believing I was doing something for my people. I really wasn’t growing and learning about the important aspects of being a ruler.

I’m not sure how long I was supposed to be a peon in the army. I was never given a chance to show my potential while having a babysitter at all times. These years traveling with my mate and fighting with the rebels were probably the most growth I have ever done as a person and as a protector of my people. I would never be able to fill the role with the pathway my aunt had given me.

Last night, we celebrated the return of the queen and some of the missing captives. Everyone was in good spirits, and I’m grateful Lana has some ideas on what tasks we should be focused on for the next few months. But I’m more concerned about where I will be when she becomes queen. I can’t step down into the same position I was in before the Hou Ndours. Am I ready to be in my role?

I can’t leave at this time. I am needed in the plans to rebuild. Although, how much longer can I go with the hole in my heart. Now that the queen is here and the Hou Ndours are gone. Can I even go look for my mate? He could be anywhere in the world by now. I can’t even ask Lana to ask about him. She wouldn’t give me a straight answer.

“Aela? Dear, what’s wrong?” My aunt’s voice interrupts my internal monologue. I bring my head up and instantly feel guilty. Her face creases into multiple worry lines. She may look like Lana, but she seemed to age more during these years.

“Forgive me. I have much on my mind. I will work it out eventually.” I murmur, and she offers me both her hands. I reach out and clasp her hands, and I’m washed with the love and comfort I have held for my entire life. She was always able to make me feel safe and warm.

She pulls me close to her into an embrace as she strokes my head, “My dear child, if you wish to cry, I won’t tell anyone. A moment of weakness with me isn’t anything to fear. You have been so strong for far too long. You are still so young, and I fear you grew too fast.”

I relish in the embrace and find myself feeling more secure. After a few moments, I pull away and clasp my hands again to hers. She smiles warmly and then pulls me along to survey the wreckage of our home.

Very few walls are still standing. The palace had been a staple to Redland for thousands of years. I’m certain Delia had lived among these walls. Our families had been raised in this place.

The grand stairs case was grounded into powder. The audience chamber still had a crater in the shape of a foot in the middle of it. The ballroom had been desecrated and burned to leave a lasting offensive oppression.

Hand-and-hand, Lana and I travel through the rumble to where her quarters would have been. The Hou Ndours had obviously taken anything of value, so broken bookcases which would hold her mementos are tossed and shattered amongst the rubble. I patted her arm, knowing she lost so much. A longer life than my own and all her treasures stolen.

Continuing to my quarters, I was shocked when I found out most of my rooms were still standing. They were stripped of anything of value, such as the pictures and tapestries. When we reached the study, I found books tossed on the ground that had been weatherbeaten and destroyed. In the bedchamber and dressing room, everything had been ripped to shreds if it didn’t hold any value.

“Your mothers dresses are all gone. I did enjoy seeing you in her wardrobe.” Lana says softly as she picked up pieces of a ballgown that once had pearls embroidered into the bodice.

“Material items that I don’t need right now. Maybe next ball we can give me enough time to try to remake one of her dresses again. I wonder if they ever found any of my father’s hunting lodges.” I say almost compulsively.

I don’t even notice the silence, which follows as my hands rest on all the items that belonged to my mother now ruined beyond repair. She loved books the most. I almost yearn to return to the cabin to bring back the few books she had left there.

“Did Delmar hurt you?” The weak voice shook me to the core. I never expected her to ask.

“No. He took good care of me and was an amazing tutor. He trained me and pushed me to be better than myself. He showed me the world and allowed me to observe its interworkings. I learned much about myself and the world.” I say, watching her disdain grow on her face. I’m hesitate to tell her he’s my mate.

She purses her lips and crosses her arms, “How much did he tell about me?”

I shake my head quizzotical because she’s never acted to shy around me before. “Nothing. He didn’t even tell me his name. It was Ethan who recognized him when we were traveling through the territory. He called him Delmar the Mad or Cruel. I don’t really remember what exactly. It was the first time I ever heard his name.”

She becomes to still, “My only child and I can feel his hatred for me into my very soul. I had feared he turned you against me. It makes me feel better that he took such good care of you. For a moment last night, I thought you were your mother with the way the people treat you. I noticed your collar was removed. Are you feeling okay?”

“It took some time to get used to. But yes. Everyone has been cautious around me because they think I will randomly go on a mindless killing spree. I haven’t been overcome by any such episode.” I speak almost hesitantly. “I’ve enjoyed the benefits, but too many people are scared. I am willing to suppress my wolf abilities if it becomes a problem.”

“That will be a bridge we cross when we come to it. I’m almost certain with the support of myself along with this Ethan and Marquis Andrew. We can assure our citizens you are handling yourself appropriately. If my son trained you in any way that your father would have, then I’m sure he antagonized and infuriated you beyond any civil tolerance. I can see your strength in your control. What amazed me more is how solid of a barrier you created. Did he unlock more talents than just your wolf abilities?” She says, pulling me closer and directed me out of the area.

Several of Turmac’s men were guarding us while we were exploring, and they all stood a good distance away from us. Tension builds in my stomach, and I’m debating on what I should talk about. Why am I wanting to withhold information from Lana. She wouldn’t stray me wrong. My hand automatically goes to the amulet hidden underneath my smock.

What do I tell her?

I swallow hard, I can’t hide anything from my aunt. “He didn’t unlock the talents himself. He did give me opportunities to learn more about myself and then trained me on control.”

“Wow! I am impressed. I’ve never known him to be admirable. He always did anything that would give him gain and refuse to do anything for anyone else.” Lana quips quickly.

I want to rebuttal, but I pause. “Maybe you could help me with a mystery. I learned that when I was young, I was capable of doing certain spells. Both my parents had aptitude, and I was possibly stronger than them. I was attacked by a darkness when I was young, and I sealed my memories. But I have no clue when because I can’t find a gap of time when the memories would have been taken.”

“Attacked by darkness? I have no clue what you are talking about, child.” Lana says, shaking her head.

I purse my lips tightly together. If she didn’t know, I had been attacked, and she had been with me for all these years even before my mother died. Then what could have attacked me without her knowledge.