Not All Heroes Are Guiltless

Chapter 71

Chapter 71

Aela’s POV

The treaties with Turmac have been a success. It has been over two years since the Prince visited. My mate never responded to him, but I never read the letter to find out what it the life and death situation was.

For a few weeks, the Queen was worried about our position with the Turmac royal court. Lady Seltie had been arrested, and we had to wait for over three months for the verdict. Apparently, she had been working with Cortan secretly and had been loyal ever since to a hidden master. Something of evil and darkness is much like the Cortan had been. No evidence was ever given that she was the same creature, but she was a bad influence on one of the king’s best advisors.

Since Lady Seltie had been our representative to the court originally, we were worried Turmac would deem our treaties corrupted. The Prince defended us, and we were back to business with only fears and no threats.

Falling into the role of Commanding General was pretty fluid. Andrew became my right-hand man helping me along the way. I was able to focus on recruitment and retention. He focused on training and patrols. Just a few months ago, we were able to start running actual intelligence and gather missions, which the Queen asked to be a part of the reporting.

Bellar had squelched any threat the Hou Ndours could muster. They ruled the seas for a good stretch of time, but they never wanted to offend Turmac. We benefited from their treaties because Bellar never tried to close our trade-off.

Some nights, when I would sneak out to get a good run through the forests, I would return early and listen to the minstrels. They had a wide range of repertoire of tales due to Hou Ndour leaving behind some of their stories. But there was always someone wanting to hear stories like the Redland Hero Ethan or the Princess and the Bear. A few even had a dramatic account of Prince Lucas against the Demon Cortan.

The one’s I was that concern me because I feared they may not have exaggerated is the Bellarn King Dungan. They say he was a blacksmith apprentice and a devoted follower of their god when he was found in a remote village. When he had been introduced into the king’s court, he killed the reigning king and all the temple elders. He did not even fill the open positions when he ordered over the King’s body to attack and drive Hou Ndour away. I wish I could say that is where the stories end. He is supposedly ruthless, cold-hearted, and cruel. He has accepted duels from his own men and have brought everyone to their knees. I once heard several minstrels debating the callousness of the king, and the vicious scenes left behind by Bellarn’s assassin, The Shadow, are too similar.

At first, I didn’t want to believe it was true. That would mean my mate was not only the exiled prince of Redland. He was the son of the enemy since he was born.

The name Delmar made so much sense to me at the time. The reference to his black wolf would be understandable. The words of my father haunt me, though. He found my mate when he was just a child of six years. He had been malnourished and abused. He probably didn’t even know his own name until years later when he was introduced to my mother.

Dungan.

“Dun” means grey wolf. My father’s name was Dunnell. Of course, he wants nothing to do with his mother. He would never use the name given to him by someone he hates. He would prefer the name given to him out of love.

Speaking of love. I have sent him messages myself, and each one disappears within a few hours, but nothing is returned. Other than those hairpins, he has not sent anything back. Sometimes, he tinkers around with the contraption of the items I give to him, but he is silent on his return.

At first, I was angry. I sent him a letter telling him how it made me feel that he did not respond back to me. Then I realized I was being childish. I turned to writing a journal and hiding it in the cloak so he had a way to check up on me. I trust he is satisfied with that, at the very least.

Ethan did end up leaving after the Turmac delegation left. He is still a leader the Queen has mentioned and complimented with pride numerous times. He guards some of the more faraway trade routes, helping the villages without direct connection to the capital. His reports come in regularly, and every once in a while, he will address a letter to me updating me on the current morale of the people.

I miss having him as a support and friend. He has not had many chances to visit. Consequently, I am grateful for any response, even if it no longer feels personal or intimate like we had while we traveled together.

“Generals. The Queen is ready for you.” The steward speaks softly in the large hall outside the Queen’s private chambers. I stood up from where I was sitting against the wall while we waited. Andrew offers his hand, and I grab it, allowing him to lead me into seeing the Queen.

“Ah! My two favorite people! What do you have for me today, and is there any way you can distract me for the next two hours? I really do not want to hear any more about this noble lady puppy dog.” She says with an exhausted moan.

I giggle at her, and she smiles joyfully back at me. “I’m sure we can take our time. You might not enjoy it as much, though.”

“Give it to me. I’m just happy you are here. Mind sitting next to me.” She pats the chair next to her, and I rush to sit with her. It's calming and comforting to be next to her. I let Andrew lead the report this time. She pours me a drink in a small goblet. I whisper my gratitude and take a sip of the sweet wine. It is refreshing.

After about thirty minutes of the reports, I will be honest I am no longer listening. My head space is still thinking about being without my mate and then the loss of friendship without Ethan near anymore.

“Andrew, do you mind giving us a few minutes. I have a few things I need to discuss with the princess privately.” The Queen voice interrupts my thoughts, and I’m certain that I haven’t been paying attention for longer than thirty minutes because Andrew wasn’t talking about the current reports any longer.

He bows lowly to the Queen and leaves the room. Silence fills the room, and I am instantly nervous. We do not ever get time alone anymore, and I am not sure why this feels unnatural.

“Dear child, you have not listened to any of the reports. You have been in your head the entire time. Is something wrong? How can I make you happy?” My aunt says, stroking my hair out of my eyes. I can feel her worry and concern almost similar to the way it was concerned, almost like it was back when I was a child mourning the death of my mother.

“I’m not sure it’s in your power.” I say weakly and reverting to the shy child I was so many, many years ago.

Aunt Lana shifts in her seat so that our knees are touching each other, and she strokes my face, and I feel the moisture running down my face. I didn’t even realize I was crying. “Please, my child. You are holding something back from me. Let me know what I can redosolve to appease you. I want you to be happy. You have done so much for everyone else.”

I bring my head down and gaze at our shoes. The material is such a better grade than anything the people are wearing. I should argue I haven’t done enough for everyone else. Yet, I don’t even know what I want to make me feel better. “I miss being myself. Not a princess and not a general. I miss traveling and not being expected to hold my head high and fixated on naval and military movements and treaties and negotiations. I’m not sure exactly why I’m so…”

Aunt Lana hums a chortle in amusement, “You are so much like your mother. She enjoyed her job immensely, but she never could maintain the proper disposition for exceedingly long. She used to always whine that she had an itching sensation to run and play in the forests. When Andrew confronted me about your disappearances, I assumed you were the same. You’ve been so strong and brave that I sometimes forget you aren’t the same as me. You are very much your mother. She never seemed to be settled until she met your father. She was able to focus so much more. Maybe that’s why you are so restless. Could it be your mate for which you are yearning?”

With a shrug but also, I’m not sure how much I want her to know, “Maybe not even my mate. Maybe I wish I had a friend or a confidant. Someone who doesn’t see me as the princess and treats me like someone they...”

“Ethan?” The Queen narrows down onto him quickly.

I nod my head in acknowledgment. “He treated me differently than anyone else. It started with me just admiring his charisma from afar. Then he showed he was willing to risk his life for his own men. I wanted to help him. He would often spend hours talking about everything on his mind, and I did not feel like I was to find a resolution for him. I was only supposed to be there to help him organize his thoughts. When he learned I was a princess, his behavior never changed. Instead, he continues with the same actions and discussions. Now, he doesn’t even use my nickname, and all the messages I get from him are dry with only work.”

The Queen hums and twiddles her thumbs, “Sounds like you were needing this human interaction more than I first thought. I’m not thrilled you don’t have the collar, but that just means we must be extremely cautious about your mental endurance. It sounds as if you are feeling disconnected from your own humanity. Let’s find ways to give you a break to participate with others outside of your role. Maybe that may relax you a bit and make you stronger. Another idea is to enter into a courtship and find someone who can be that outlet you turn to when you need more human interactions.”

“You want me to get married?” I asked with a scoff.

“Not this very moment. I wish I could say I am more available for you. But a spouse would be able to stay close to you and help you when you are weakened.” The Queen says, patting my knee.

I cross my arms and refuse to look at her. “It’s something to consider.”