Not All Heroes Are Guiltless

Chapter 84

Chapter 84

Aela’s POV

I’m standing in the makeshift tent. I’ve been pacing back-and-forth since we made camp early this morning. I drink from my flask to keep my apprehension down, or I will lose everything in my stomach again. I’m repulsed by my own ineffective inability to stop myself from making judgments much like a monster.

I have never considered myself a harsh and callous person. To scalp children? Andrew says I was giving them mercy, but I’m still beside myself. What else is alarm in all my thoughts. I can’t even speak to recoil my own judgment. I continue to pace in my tent, trying to decide how to deal with the next step in my plan. But if I’m not in control of myself and I can be manipulated to be a monster. Everything I worked for will be over.

A full day goes by, and we haven’t heard or seen from Bellarn army. The port is inoperable, and there are three ships who have stayed on the horizon, obviously, to determine the present danger. None are getting close enough to us for us to learn their loyalties.

Andrew walks in with a plate of food, but my appetite is still not existent. Also, he could have drugged any of the items, and I wouldn’t know. I don’t know how I don’t have control of my own actions. He growls out in frustration, “Aela, you need to eat.”

I turn to him and see his eyes are laced with turmoil and concern. He couldn’t have been the culprit to the spell reemerging. I know his magic, and it's always been comforting to me. “Andrew something is wrong with me. I’m not thinking or acting like myself.”

He walks closer to me and stops the nervous shifting of my feet. He places a kiss on my forehead and will slow. “Aela, it must be your adrenaline is causing you to overthink. Everything is fine. We won the battle, and we had plenty of time to prepare for Bellarn retaliation.”

“I guess you are right.” I say calming down in his presence. Something still feels off, and I wish I was able to ask my wolf for advice. She’s still not present. I look up at Andrew and see his vile desire and lust held back for me. I can almost feel his arousal at my state, and I’m repulsed.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispers. I don’t even respond I’m lost in my internal battle to shove him away, but I feel myself losing. His lips touch mine, and the nausea from early washes over me, and I’m able to keep the puke from erupting. My body shudders in his grasp, then moves to wrap my arms around him as I start to nibble on his lips. Andrew moans, and his hands reach around and grab my buttocks tightly. I’m pushed closer into him.

I want to scream, cry, and smack him away from me. I’m even more enraged when he starts to force his hips into my pelvis. A knock on the tent wooden support beam interrupts us. Andrew growls and rolls his eyes at the interruption. I’m relieved.

“My apologies, generals. The messenger to Dobson has returned.” The man speaks clearly and walks away embarrassed for his intrusion.

Andrews huffs, “You should eat something. I’ll take care of this and come right back.”

Andrew leaves, and I fall to my knees. I wail internally, knowing I’m not showing any of my conflicting emotions on the outside. I’ve lost all will, and I’m under some else’s control. I don’t even have my wolf to help. The sense of dread is the same I had the night of the Solstice. The only difference is that Andrew isn’t even giving me commands. I’m doing everything unprompted.

I walk out of my tent and towards the ocean for fresh air. I’m so lost in my own thoughts that I don’t even greet the men on patrol. I always smile and thank them. This person isn’t me. Something is causing me to not act like myself. I can’t stop it.

I reach the edge of the cliff and see the stars are all out and brightly shining. Almost as clear as you could see on the top of a mountain. I drop my head down and peek over the edge and see it’s a long way down with large sharp rocks at the bottom. Each causing the waves to come in rough, much like their own little storm. Blowing up a mist, which looks like clouds.

Would it break the spell?

I’m a hazard to everyone around me when I can’t control myself. I can’t stop it. I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again. I shouldn’t live if I don’t have the ability to be myself. My toes hang off the edge as I try to push my unwilling body closer to the edge.

“Aela!” Andrew is behind me, and my rage instantly dissipates in his presence. I slimy feeling grows as I realize he has found another way to control me. He has been faking in comforting me to gain my trust. I look back at him, and he doesn’t even seem worried like he knows I’m affected by his concern. If he stops me from jumping, then I will never be free.

I lean forward and feel the air rushing around me. I close my eyes, praying the gods forgive me. I just hope they will give me refuge from the spell.