Surrendered To Desire

4

Asa narrating:

Two months later...

Today was the day. The last day. I still couldn't believe that I was finally leaving physical therapy behind. After months of effort, pain, and overcoming obstacles, I was about to take a big step towards my new life.

Luke was there, as always, by my side. That wide smile, which I had come to recognize as his symbol of encouragement, was a bit dim today. I watched him as he organized some papers, the expression on his face mixing joy with a hint of sadness. He had always been more than just a physical therapist to me; he had become a friend, an ally in my journey.

— Ready for the last session? — he asked, trying to hide the emotion in his voice.

— Ready, I guess. — I replied, trying to smile but feeling a nervous pounding in my chest.

The session started like all the others, with exercises I knew by heart. But there was something different in the air. The atmosphere was charged with unspoken meanings. Each movement I made, every stretch I performed, was a reminder of everything I had achieved.

When we finished, Luke looked me in the eyes, as if he were trying to decipher something.

— You did amazing today, Asa. I'm so proud of you. — He smiled, but there was still that shadow in his gaze.

— Thank you, Luke. I couldn't have done it without you. — My voice came out low, but full of gratitude.

He hesitated for a moment, as if weighing his words.

— I really enjoyed this time we spent together. I learned a lot from you. — He paused, then took a deep breath. — Would you like to go out with me one of these days? To celebrate your recovery?

I felt my heart race. The thought of going out with Luke was as exciting as it was frightening. Our relationship had always been professional, but there was an invisible thread connecting us, something that went beyond physical therapy.

— I... I don’t know. — Insecurity took hold of me. — It's just that... I don't want this to change things between us.

— It doesn't have to be complicated. Just two friends celebrating an accomplishment. — He smiled, but the sadness was still there, like a persistent echo.

Finally, after a moment of reflection, I felt a wave of courage.

— Okay, I accept. — The answer came out faster than I expected, but there was a lightness in my decision.

Luke smiled, and I saw his eyes light up. It was as if, in that instant, the sadness that accompanied him faded a bit.

— So, how about dinner? I know a great place.

— Sounds perfect. — My voice was firmer now, and warmth began to spread through my body.

[...]

The next day:

The day had been long, but the anticipation of dinner with Luke illuminated my thoughts. I looked in the mirror, and the woman staring back was almost unrecognizable. The reflection showed a version of myself I had always dreamed of being, but had somehow always set aside. Today, I was no longer the nerdy girl in baggy, carefree clothes. Today, I was Asa, a woman who had reinvented herself.

I chose a black dress that elegantly accentuated my curves. The soft fabric glided over my skin, and even the discreet neckline seemed to give me an air of confidence I never knew I possessed. Makeup was a new experience; I applied it carefully, highlighting my eyes and giving a subtle touch to my lips. As I applied the eyeliner, I remembered how I felt invisible in my old life. As if layers of clothing and insecurities had hidden me from the world. But now, I wanted to shine.

As I got ready, memories of a painful past began to flow. The betrayal of my ex-boyfriend and my sister still left scars, but instead of drowning in the pain, I chose to break free. Those who contributed nothing to my life, only limited it, were finally out of my way. What I wanted was distance. Distance from those who didn’t value me, who didn’t see the strength I had within me.

With one last look in the mirror, I fixed my hair and took a deep breath. It was time to leave the past behind and embrace this new phase. I no longer wanted to be a shadow of what they expected of me. I chose to be myself, and I deserved that.

I arrived at the restaurant a little before the scheduled time, nervous but excited. The atmosphere was welcoming, with dim lights and soft music in the background. When Luke arrived, he paused for a moment, his eyes widening in admiration.

— Wow, Asa! You look stunning! — he exclaimed, and I felt heat rise to my face.

— Thank you! — I replied, a spontaneous smile forming. — You look great too.

We sat at the table and I began to relax as he talked about his day. The conversation flowed naturally, and the tension I had expected dissipated. Luke had this power to make me feel at ease, as if there was no past, just a present unfolding before us.

— You know, I’ve always admired your determination. You’ve been through so much and yet here you are, shining. — Luke said, looking into my eyes with sincerity.

Those words touched something deep within me. I was changing, not just on the outside, but on the inside too. The path I had taken to get here hadn’t been easy, but each step had led me to this moment, to this new me.

— I feel like I’m finally finding myself. — I confessed, and the truth in my words surprised me. — It’s strange to think that everything I went through brought me here, but I don't regret it. I want to surround myself with people who truly value me now.

He nodded, and for a moment, the connection between us deepened. I wasn’t just leaving behind a painful past, but also opening the doors to new possibilities.

The dinner was not just about my recovery but about my transformation. And as we talked and laughed, I realized that, next to Luke, I didn’t need to be that limited version of myself anymore. I was ready for everything life had to offer, and, more importantly, I was ready to be happy.

[...]

The drive back home was filled with laughter and light conversation. Luke was driving with a relaxed expression, but I could feel the tension in the air, as if something was about to happen. The restaurant, with its soft lights and background music, felt so far away now. What mattered was that we were there, alone, and a new energy lingered between us.

When we arrived in front of my building, he parked and turned off the car. The silence that followed was almost palpable. I looked out the window, trying to stay calm as adrenaline started to take over. What would happen now? It was as if the world around us had disappeared, and all that mattered were the two of us.

Luke turned to me, his gaze fixed on my eyes. I could see the hesitation in his face, but also a gentle determination. He leaned in slowly, and my heart raced. His closeness was electrifying, and I felt a mix of nervousness and anticipation.

— Asa... — he began, but he didn’t need to finish. His intense gaze spoke more than words could express.

He leaned in, and in a smooth and careful movement, our lips met. The kiss was sweet and gentle, as if he was asking if I was ready for this. The world around us disappeared, and all I could feel was his warmth and the sensation that, finally, something I had wished for so long was coming true.

At first, I was paralyzed, a whirlwind of emotions coursing through my body: nervousness, excitement, and an indescribable joy. But as soon as I realized he was waiting for my reaction, something inside me loosened. I kissed him back, closing my eyes and surrendering to that moment. It was as if everything around me had lightened up.

When we separated, we were still close, and I could see the expectation in his gaze. I smiled shyly, a smile that reflected the mix of happiness and surprise I felt. Luke smiled back, and in that instant, I knew that nothing would be the same again.

But reality soon hit me. With my heart racing and adrenaline still pulsing through my veins, I decided I needed to get out of the car. Without thinking twice, I opened the door and ran toward the building, laughing like a teenager who had just had her first kiss.

I looked back one last time, and Luke was still there, watching me with a smile that lit up his face. The warmth of the kiss still burned on my lips, and I couldn’t stop smiling. The feeling of lightness and freedom was new and wonderful.

As I entered the building, I couldn’t help but think that I was finally allowing myself to live. The past was behind me, and I was ready for this new journey alongside Luke, filled with possibilities and, who knows, new beginnings.

[...]

As soon as the door to my apartment closed behind me, a wave of lightness enveloped me. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders, and I could finally breathe. The kiss with Luke was still dancing in my mind, and an involuntary smile formed on my lips. I felt light, as if I were floating, and that feeling was new and delightful.

I walked through the living room, feeling the texture of the carpet under my feet. Each step seemed more confident, more secure. I paused for a moment to look out the window. The city sparkled under the night lights, and life went on outside while I felt completely renewed.

I headed to the bathroom while removing my clothes along the way. Turning on the shower water, the steam quickly began to fill the room, and I let the hot water cascade over my skin, each drop washing away not only the weariness of the day but also the painful memories I had carried for so long. I looked at myself in the glass of the shower, and for the first time in a long time, I saw a strong, determined woman full of life.

As I lathered myself, thoughts of Luke invaded my mind. The way he had looked at me, the softness of his touch, and how he made me feel special... It was incredible how a single night could change everything. I found myself imagining the future, and the idea of being beside him filled me with a comfortable warmth in my chest. The insecurities that once surrounded me seemed distant, as if I were finally breaking free from invisible chains.

When I finished my shower, I wrapped myself in a soft towel and headed to my bedroom. The scent of my clean sheets filled the air, and I let myself fall onto the bed, feeling the softness against my skin. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the feeling of peace fill the space around me.

The image of Luke's smile came back to my mind. The way he makes me feel... seen, valued. It was a feeling I wanted to explore, an invitation to a new life.

I smiled at myself, holding the soft sheets in a comforting embrace. I was ready to allow myself to be happy, to live new experiences, and to leave the past where it belonged. This was the Asa I wanted to be: brave, free, and open to love.

As sleep began to envelop me, my last thought before drifting off was about Luke. I could hardly wait to see where this new journey would take us.

But even in the midst of this happiness, I can’t help but think of Alma and the reason why my heart still weighs heavy.

The pain I felt was deep, and now, as I build this new life, a part of me fears that history may repeat itself. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That idea doesn’t leave me.

I hope that this time, I can find happiness without Alma surfacing like a shadow, pulling me back to the past. I want to believe that I can live fully, but her memory haunts me. The desire for her not to ruin everything again is constant. I want to move on, but the doubt remains. After all, what is a new life if the scars of the past still hurt?

I decide that I can’t let this stop me from being happy. The future is mine, and I’m determined to shape it, even if that means leaving some people behind.