Surrendered To Desire

2

Asa narrating:

The weight of silence was broken by a scream that reverberated off the walls of the room.

— Get out! I don’t want to see you anymore! — I exclaimed, my voice heavy with a mix of pain and anger. The force in my words was a revelation, a side of me that had never manifested before. I stood frozen, knowing this was a crucial moment, a rupture that I could not ignore. Each syllable was like an echo of betrayal, and the rejection cut deeper than any adjective I could describe.

The air in the room became heavy, and the agitation among the three of us intensified. My mother, always the peacemaker, tried to intervene, but the tension was palpable. She walked toward us, her hands raised in a gesture of plea.

— Calm down, you two! Please, let’s talk this over calmly. Asa, you need to calm down. This situation is very difficult for all of us. — she said, her voice a mixture of concern and love.

But I couldn’t hear. Only the betrayal pierced my thoughts, and the feeling that my whole life was being altered before me was almost unbearable. I looked at Alma, the anger boiling inside me like a volcano ready to erupt.

— How could you do this, Alma? You betrayed me in the cruelest way possible! My boyfriend, the person who should be by my side, and you chose him! — The last word came out like a breath of poison, and I knew there was no going back. — You used to call him a nerd, mock him in every possible way.

— Things are different now... Max has changed, and he is mine now. Sorry, but it happened. — Alma was crying, the tears on her face mixing with the anger that made her eyes so bright.

— And what about me? What am I in this story? Just a spectator of your lives? — I exploded, on the verge of giving in to an impulse of rage that was about to consume me. — You might not have planned it, but don’t tell me you didn’t know this could destroy me!

At that moment, my mother, in a desperate gesture, began to search for the bell that summoned the nurses.

— Calm down, Asa. I’m going to call a nurse. Maybe you just need a little help to relax. Please. — She pleaded, almost whispering.

But my mother’s words felt very distant, lost in the storm of emotions that surrounded me. I sank into a cycle of fury and pain, recalling the moments I thought were sacred, now stained by a betrayal that even reality could not erase.

The nurses arrived quickly, and I saw one of them bring a syringe with a sedative. It was as if the world were about to disappear into a cloud of mist. I was gently pushed down, but the resistance within me was stubborn.

— No! I don’t want this! — I shouted, trying to pull away from what was about to happen. Lives were crumbling around me, and the idea of succumbing to a deep sleep while all of this happened seemed wrong.

— If you don’t calm down, it will only get worse. — The nurse said in a calm but firm tone. I realized that, amid the turmoil, the only thing I really wanted was the freedom to feel, even if the pain was unbearable.

— Max... — I murmured, the name slipping from my lips with a weight I could barely bear. The emptiness that now occupied his place in my heart was insufferable.

But the poison was already coursing through my veins. The environment started to spin, and confusion enveloped me like a cloud covering everything. The voices of Alma and my mother distorted into unknown echoes. Every word lost its meaning. I struggled to stay conscious, to resist the approaching darkness, but it was like trying to hold sand between my fingers.

— I... I love you, Asa. — the last thing I heard, but I didn’t know if it was from Alma or my mother. And then the fog solidified, consuming my consciousness, and I succumbed to a comforting darkness, just to escape the pain that consumed me.

And with that, the last fraction of my reality dissipated, leaving behind only a deep sadness and confusion that would unfold when I woke up again.

[...]

I woke up with a strange sensation. The light in the hospital room temporarily blinded me, forcing me to blink several times until my vision adjusted. My memories were fragmented, like pieces of a puzzle scattered by a storm.

The nurse had given me a sedative; it made me black out and for some time, made me forget what I was going through. Not that it mattered now. My heart was still racing uncontrollably, anger and pain mixing in my veins. The news I received shortly after waking still echoed in my mind: my sister, my own sister, was pregnant by my boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend, I mentally corrected myself, feeling a bitter taste in my mouth.

As I tried to process all of this, the door to the room slowly opened. There he was, standing like a statue. His eyes met mine, and for a moment, it felt like time had frozen. He looked different. He was no longer the nerdy boy I remembered, but rather someone unrecognizable. The tattooed body, the muscles that now defined his figure, everything about him screamed change.

— So, this is how you show up after everything? — My voice sounded firmer than I expected, cutting through the silence between us.

He hesitated, opening his mouth as if to speak, but I didn’t give him that chance.

— You’ve changed so much, haven’t you? From the shy nerd to... this. — I gestured vaguely, indicating his new appearance. — Interesting how people transform when it suits them. Including betraying others behind their backs. How can someone be with a woman who bullied him, who mocked him, and above all, the sister of the woman he swore he loved? And at her most vulnerable moment, he was betraying her in the most disgusting and repugnant way possible?

He took a step forward, but I raised my hand to stop him.

— No, you don’t have the right to say anything. You and my sister... You deserve each other.

The pain in his eyes was palpable, but I was not willing to soften my words.

— I trusted you. And while I was here, fighting for my life, you chose the worst possible betrayal.

He finally found his voice, but his words were fragile, almost whispered.

— Asa, I...

— No! — I cut him off, my anger burning away any attempts at apologies. — I don’t want to hear it. You may have changed on the outside, but on the inside, you are still the same coward.

Silence settled in again, heavy and suffocating. I didn’t know if he had anything more to say, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. He had crossed a line, and there was no turning back.

— Get out. — I said, the word sounding definitive. — And don’t come back.

He hesitated for a moment, but then, as if finally understanding the gravity of his actions, he turned and left without looking back.

Alone again, I let the tears I had been holding back finally fall. The pain was still there, but so was the anger. And I knew that somehow I would rebuild myself from the pieces that remained.

[...]

The next morning...

The soft morning light filtered through the hospital room curtains, casting delicate shadows on the walls. I was still trying to process everything that had happened when the door opened again. This time, it was the doctor, closely followed by my mother.

Her face was marked by fatigue, but her eyes shone with unwavering love. She approached my bed, holding my hand with a tenderness only a mother could offer.

— Good morning, Asa. — the doctor began, looking at me with an encouraging smile. — How are you feeling today?

— I’m... trying to understand everything. — I replied, my voice a little hoarse.

He nodded, understanding.

— I know it’s a lot to absorb. But there are some important matters we need to discuss.

My mother squeezed my hand, as if she wanted to give me strength. The doctor continued:

— Due to the two years in a coma, your body has gone through some changes. We will need to conduct some tests to assess your overall health.

I nodded, already expecting something like this.

— And what about my mobility?

— We need to start physical therapy as soon as possible. — he explained. — The time you spent lying down may have affected your muscles and joints. It will be a gradual process, but our goal is to help you regain your strength and independence.

The idea of going through all this was frightening, but I also felt a spark of determination. I wanted my life back.

— I understand. — I murmured. — I’m willing to do whatever it takes.

My mother looked at me with a pride that warmed my heart.

— We are here for you, Asa. The medical team will always take care of you until you are cleared to finally leave this hospital. — the doctor said with a gentle smile.

He continued to explain the next steps, the types of exercises I would do, and the team that would be by my side during recovery. Although the road ahead seemed long and challenging, there was a sense of hope growing inside me.

When the doctor left, my mother stayed by my side, stroking my hand.

— You are strong, Asa. You always have been. And now it will be no different. — she said. — I want you to know that I never accepted what happened. I just want you to overcome everything and finally be able to move on with your life.

I nodded, the anger bubbling up again.

I knew there would be difficult days, moments of doubt and frustration, but I also knew of my strength and determination; I would rise again.

— Thank you, Mom. — I whispered, feeling grateful for her constant presence. — We will make it.

And in that moment, I decided that I would do everything within my power to rise again. I was ready to fight for my life.

[...]

The silence was almost deafening, but somehow it allowed me to hear myself clearly.

It was night, and I was alone in that hospital room.

I looked at the ceiling, the small stains and marks became a map of my reflections. I had never spent so much time alone, and ironically, this solitude was keeping me company in a strange way. It was as if I could finally break free from the external voices that always tried to guide me, mold me. Now, it was just me and my memories.

Thinking about my life was like flipping through a faded photo album. Each image brought forth laughter and tears, love and disappointments. I remembered every broken heart, the promises made and broken. The truth was that I was tired. Tired of taking risks, of opening my heart and exposing myself, only to see everything crumble. Love, which once seemed to me like a blue sky, was now a storm, and I no longer wanted to get soaked.

When I get out of here, I want to change. I want to breathe freely, without the weight of expectations. I want to discover who I am outside of relationships and the labels society imposed on me. The idea of living for myself, of finding joy in the little things, began to take shape. I could explore my hobbies, rediscover passions I left behind. Maybe I would dance ballet again, or perhaps write a book, where each word would be a new way to liberate myself.

The truth is that I no longer wanted to get romantically involved with anyone. The pain of a broken heart still echoed within me, and there was no room for more wounds. I craved a greater love, a love that did not depend on another person. A love for myself, a love that would heal and strengthen me.

As time passed slowly, I allowed myself to dream of the future. I imagined a place where I could be free, where the colors of life were not dull but vibrant. A space where I could reinvent myself, where the past did not dictate who I was.

Then, lying in the hospital bed, I made a silent promise to myself.

An accident couldn’t defeat me, so why would I let my ex-boyfriend and my treacherous sister bring me down? They think they can hurt me, that they can make me feel less than I am. But I am stronger than that. Every scar I carry is proof that I survived, that I faced greater challenges. I will not allow these betrayals to define me. I am the owner of my story, and no one will take that from me.