Strange wholesomeness

Chapter nine: deliciousness

He walked the mostly empty streets. It was later than the time he promised to be back. But not that late to earn him a proper scolding so he wasn’t rushing too much. His head was heavy. He didn’t know what he felt. Comfort. Anxiety. Anticipation. As if something just ended and started for him. 

That same time she was trying not to think about the scared eyes that looked at her when she answered his question. Who hurt this beautiful boy? And why did it feel like he was already dead inside even though he was so young? She couldn’t figure him out. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she not only wants to know him better but at this point wouldn’t be able to leave this country without uncovering the secret behind Jun. 

He knew it was a thin line he was walking on interacting with that woman. She was way more than all the girls he knew. She fascinated him, her confidence, boldness and the fact that she spoke her mind about him. She was clearly aware of his face yet not anyhow blinded by that. Until then, it’s been really easy for him to avoid girl-related trouble, unlike his bandmates. He simply didn’t like his fans. Didn’t like the older ladies trying to tempt him and use him as a trophy. He basically didn’t like most people, women especially so it took him zero effort to turn down any that tried to approach him. That gave him the aura of a mystery and a challenge that surrounded all the conversations about him. Some even claimed that he might be gay and the special relationship he had with Woojin might be something else. Only a few knew that he was simply the only guy that even remotely understood him and his struggles. And who struggled too. With the fame, gossip and the constant feeling of being trapped. 

But even Woojin didn’t know about Anna. Nobody could. It was Jun’s secret hideout. And he promised himself to keep her as far from his world as possible. 

She slept well that night. It was the first evening she didn’t spend alone and it felt unfamiliar but comforting. They talked about everything and nothing. It was cosy and relaxing, he showed her the episode of the drama he was currently watching and she didn’t know when she fell asleep. She woke up a few hours later, covered with a blanket. There was a message on her phone from Jun. 

> I excused myself when you started snoring. I wasn’t ready for this. ;) 

Oh God- she thought.- she wasn’t ready for that either. 

> At least I didn’t speak in my sleep today. - she replied in the morning. 

A few moments later the reply came back. 

> Unfortunately. I wish I heard that.

> You would be disappointed, trust me. I may not be as interesting as I made myself look in your eyes. 

> Still I’m curious. 

> There may not be another occasion for you to observe me sleeping. So treat yesterday as an exception. 

> There will be another time. 

> Look who’s acting boldly now. 

> I’m just being realistic about your sleeping habits. 

> ...that you know nothing about. 

> Enough to make assumptions. 

> If you say so. 

> Are you free tonight? 

> Do you intend to crash into my house again? 

> Well I promised you yesterday to bring something delicious. And I forgot about that when the sneaking drama started. I need to make up for that. 

> Come after 7 pm and surprise me with the deliciousness. You know the address.

>  

He was childish sometimes but he made her smile. What was the boy even doing, he probably still lived with his parents and she was an interesting adventure for him. As he was for her. She smiled and ran out of home with more joy for the day than any day before since she came here. 

She was home right before 7. Gasping for air. Things went late at work today but she was still determined to make it on time. She left the elevator to see him looking at her in front of her flat. His quick look changed into a stare and he quickly broke the eye contact. 

> Sorry I was too early. I just couldn’t wait to get here and show you what I got. 

He was so totally proud of himself that she had no heart to scold the boy for surprising her. 

He on the other hand has the first opportunity to see her in work attire. And it took him off guard. She was another level of a woman. She was really tall in high heels. He wondered what kind of intimidating impression she must have made at work. She was taller than most of the guys in Korea. And definitely taller than him which made him feel a bit uneasy. She wore a tight fit black dress which made him admire her silhouette for the first time since. She was really impressive. Tall, slim and giving that feminine vibes that only a grown-up woman can. He tried to be cool about it but inside he started feeling something really unfamiliar. He wanted to touch her, experience the curves and edges behind that dress. He didn’t realize how long he stared until she repeated the question. 

> Would you like to drink something? I need to get together a bit before I can fully enjoy what you brought. - she smiled. 

He was still mostly speechless trying to cope with his imagination at that point. 

> No thanks, take your time, I’ll wait here. 

He sat on the couch trying to collect himself. Breathe Jun, you are not a 13 years old boy, don’t make an i***t out of yourself. If you do something stupid you might scare her for life. And you’ll lose this space, this human and this newly find comfort. 

She came back a few minutes later, wearing jeans that were to Jun’s infinite misfortune, equally fitting on her backside. But at least she wasn’t that tall anymore so he doesn’t feel young, small and stupid at the same time. 

> You can take off your coat, really. It’s not that cold in here, isn’t it? - she said. 

Jun wasn’t cold, on the contrary. He was burning inside but the coat gave him a needed space to cover up. But he stood up and gave it back to her. Fortunately, the last few minutes gave him the time to gather himself a bit so he was almost as presentable and cool as he should be. 

> So show me what you’ve got! 

He was taken off guard by that question and looked at her in disbelief trying to grasp the meaning. It took him 30 seconds and a few strange glances from Anna to realize that she was referring to the bag he carried. 

> Ah right, the deliciousness. You see, again I almost forgot. 

> I see you are a bit strange today. Is everything all right? 

> Yes, I’m just a bit distracted today. 

> I see- she said not looking at him. 

She started to unwrap the bag and a pungent smell filled the room. 

> Now tell me what it is.- she said to him right after she opened the package. 

> You don’t know? You are so missing out! It’s classic Korean street food. Try it, I’m almost sure you’ll like it. 

He came closer to her and handed her the chopsticks from the bag. 

She grabbed the rice cake and munched into it. She chewed a few bites under his expectant gaze. 

> Aaaand? - he asked.

> It’s surprising and delicious. I love it. Tell me about the dish! 

> It’s tteokbokki: rice cakes, fish cakes in chilli sauce with some green onion and leek. 

> Nice, I approve. Now eat up with me.- she took the rice cake and moved it to his mouth. 

He froze. Not because of the food. Because of the uneasy feeling, he got from taking food from her chopsticks. It was too suggestive for him. 

> I’ll help myself, thanks. - he took another pair of chopsticks. 

> Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to be inappropriate. - she blushed when she realized that she just proposed to him to eat from her chopsticks.

> No, it’s not that. I just can do it on my own. - he knew it was the stupidest excuse he could think of. 

They both ate in silence, embarrassed. 

> I will make a dessert for us, ok? 

> Sure - he smiled shyly.

I don’t have much in the fridge, sorry, but I will arrange something. She took out some fruits from the basket and started cutting them into smaller slices. 

> Jun, can I ask you a favour? 

> Sure! What do I do? - he stood up and looked at her. 

> There is the apron- she pointed to a piece of fabric with her fingers covered in fruits. - could you please give it to me? Otherwise, I will ruin another pair of trousers in your presence and that will be a bad precedent for sure. - she smiled. 

He grabbed the apron and almost handed it to her when he spotted her fruity fingers. 

> Let me help you. - he wore the upper part of the apron through her head- and now please turn around, I will wrap it and we are done! 

She turned around with her hands up. 

> Thank you very much, sir. You are a trousers saver. 

He took the long tail of an apron and wrapped it around her waist. He forced himself not to touch her. But she was so close and he could feel the faint smell of her skin right beside him. She had her blonde hair combed into a ponytail so there was a part of bare skin on her neck and back. He stepped closer and inhaled. And that moment he knew he was done. There was no way he could resist the temptation of putting his lips on the back of her neck and sense its silky structure. She shrugged when he did that and a soft, surprised moan escaped her lips. 

She abruptly turned around looking into his eyes with terror. 

> What have you done Jun- he thought the moment he realized he broke the unsaid no-touch rule that held this strange acquaintance together. 

> You should leave now.- she said and left the kitchen. She shut the bedroom door behind her and sat on the bed. 

What Jun didn’t know was that she wasn’t offended. She was just scared of what she felt when his lips touched her skin. How much she craved for that touch the moment she saw his hungry eyes undressing her in the corridor just an hour earlier. She knew that look, he couldn’t hide it. She was more experienced so it was way easier for her to cover up her desire. But he was like an open book to her. She knew she could have him the moment he saw her leaving the elevator. And she knew how much she wanted that. But she also knew that that would be the end of everything. Once he fills up his desire she will be just a memory rusting somewhere deep down behind the pages of his youthful adventures. She couldn’t afford that. 

He took his coat and left the flat. He was angry, fuming with guilt and unfilled desire he never expected he had. He was pissed at himself for not being able to get himself together. He knew he destroyed everything. He will always remember the look in her eyes he saw right after he forced himself on her. As if he broke her. She didn’t look angry. She looked hurt. And he never wanted to hurt her. He stood in the street full of people and felt tears running down his cheeks. Why couldn’t he wait and behave like a mature guy? What was wrong with him. He disrespected the only woman that treated him with respect. He treated her like an object just like any other woman treated him. He hated himself that moment even more than usual. His tears were flooding, he was crying like a baby in the middle of the street without caring about being recognized or posted on social media. All he cared about was her and how he hurt her with his stupidity. 

By the time he reached the house, his phone started ringing. He didn’t answer, just opened the door to see the whole crew sitting around the table with the manager in front of him. 

> What the hell happened Jun? The whole internet is right now looking for you to comfort you. 

He looked at his phone only to see a message from Woojin with a screen from i********: of some teenage fan who took a picture of him crouching on the street, crying.

Is that really our Jun? What happened to him? Is he hurt?

#save_jun #justice_for_jun #one_jun #kim_jun

He didn’t know what to say. There was no good explanation for what’s happening to him. He just looked at everyone and said silently:

> I’m fine, just talked to my mother. It affects me every time. Today was even worse, sorry. Prepare a statement, I will abide. 

Then he corrected his hair, made a pretty boy face, took a fake smiley selfie and sent it to the girl that managed his i********: account. 

> Sujin will take care of it. I will gather myself up before tomorrow. 

He came to the room, pushed his phone aside and curled under a blanket. That the fears flowed to him even more as he realized it’s all gone. 

He had no time to mourn though, tomorrow he was up for a road trip. He came today to tell her this but didn’t manage. Now it didn’t matter anymore. He slept like a dead person and woke up at dawn. Packed himself off to the bus and drifted away. It was just an intermission in his life. It was time to come back to reality.