The Rake’s Tale of an Orphan

The Gambler’s Gamble

A Brief Reflection on Life

There’s something profoundly enlightening about the philosophy of deception—when you can’t deceive others, at least deceive yourself. It’s a crude form of defense, but there’s something undeniably human about it. Dreams are, after all, better than despair, aren’t they? As the old saying goes: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes, it's more about what you can fool yourself into believing than anything else.

For the past three days, Old Wang has been absent from home. And honestly, I wasn’t surprised at all. If anything, I was preparing for this. But the silver lining? I’ve become quite good at cooking for myself. I’ve discovered a new hobby, and it’s something I take pride in. So when Old Wang’s absence became prolonged, I didn’t mind one bit. There was no need to subject myself to his abysmal culinary skills. His cooking was so bad it could easily be mistaken for food fit only for pigs. The last time I had his cooking, I had to swallow it down quickly just to survive. If I weren’t starving, I could never stomach it.

But when he finally returned on the fourth morning, I could tell he hadn’t had a good rest. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was pale. It was obvious he hadn’t slept for days. He didn’t say a word to me and immediately went into the back room. I couldn’t help but get back to work on my cooking. He had clearly been out again, probably after some long nights of gambling—leaving behind nothing but the light of day, the light of the moon, and the light of his dwindling fortunes.

Once I had finished cooking, I set the table, only to find him still sitting there, crouched by the stove, smoking his pipe, deep in thought. I called out to him as I placed the dishes down: "Old Wang, stop smoking, come eat. You need to sleep. If you keep this up, you'll get sick!" But he didn’t respond immediately. He just muttered a faint acknowledgment, extinguished his pipe with a spit, and grabbed his bowl to eat.

After we had finished the meal, I cleaned up the table and returned to the room, only to find Old Wang still sitting on the stove, puffing away on his pipe.

"You’re not sleeping again?" I scolded him, half-concerned, half-annoyed. "What’s the point of sitting there all day, you’ll drop dead from exhaustion if you keep this up!"

After a long silence, he finally spoke, his voice low and gravelly: “Yangzi, I need to talk to you about something.”

My heart skipped a beat. Was he going to demand the fifteen hundred I had saved? I had made up my mind long ago—I wasn’t going to give it to him, not for anything. If I gave him that money, he’d just squander it all. I had already lost my house. The only thing left to do was survive, and that required some amount of stability—maybe even a small fortune for basic things like food and daily necessities.

I gave him a wary look and said, “Old Wang, we had an agreement. You keep your half, I keep mine. I’m not going to let you get your hands on mine.” I shot him a cautious glance.

He looked at me, clearly offended. “What? You think so little of me? You really think I’m some kind of scoundrel?" His voice rose in indignation.

I almost laughed at his outrage. After all, wasn’t this the same man who had gambled away all his money in three days? Now he was talking about trust and respect? His words meant nothing to me. “I don’t care what you think. You’ve already squandered your part, so don’t come looking for mine.”

His face twisted in fury, and I thought for a moment that he was going to lash out. He suddenly stood up and began unbuckling his belt. My mind raced. What was he doing? Was he planning to strangle me with his belt? No, that couldn’t be it. I didn’t think he had it in him. What was his plan? Was he going mad?

To my surprise, Old Wang pulled out a large stack of bills from his waistband and slapped it down on the bed. The money scattered across the surface. It was a mix of tens and fifties, and I estimated it amounted to at least five or six thousand yuan.

I blinked in disbelief. So he had won at gambling? It seemed he wasn’t as miserable as I had thought. He probably just wanted to show off. But I wasn’t impressed. Money was nothing to me, especially when it came from gambling. I had lived without it for so long that I no longer cared about its value.

“Is this what you’re trying to impress me with? I’m not interested,” I muttered.

Old Wang sat back down, grumbling and lighting his pipe. He seemed content now, almost smug.

After a long pause, he finally spoke, but his tone was different, more serious. “Yangzi, I’m getting old. I’m alone, with no family, no children. These years, it’s just been the two of us, and I’ve come to think of you as my son. Even though you don’t call me ‘father,’ I know in your heart, you’ve already accepted me as one.”

His words hit me unexpectedly, and I was taken aback. All these years, Old Wang and I had silently cared for each other, but neither of us ever really expressed it. There was never much kindness in our words, always sarcasm and insults, but the unspoken bond was clear.

For the first time, I felt a lump form in my throat. He had been a hard, unreliable man, but hearing him speak like this... it was enough to melt any bitterness I had.

Trying to hide my emotions, I chuckled. “Old Wang, you’re suddenly so sentimental? You’re acting like everything’s falling apart. Don’t worry, when you die, I’ll make sure you’re buried with dignity. I won’t let you be forgotten.”

He didn’t respond to my joke. Instead, he sighed and looked at me earnestly. “I’ve lived this way for far too long. I don’t want you to end up like me—alone, without any future. I’m going to help you, even if it means you don’t want it.”

I was stunned. This wasn’t the Old Wang I knew. He was offering me something, not just out of obligation, but because he truly cared. It was more than I had ever expected. I was touched, but I didn’t show it. Instead, I tried to act nonchalant.

“Okay, okay, I get it. So what do you want me to do?” I asked, trying to shift the mood.

Old Wang didn’t waste time. “We’ll use that money to open a shop. I’ll get you a storefront in town. No more working the fields. You need to settle down and make a living, get yourself a wife, start a family.”

His words hung in the air, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. It was hard to believe, but deep down, I was grateful.