LIFE....As It Goes

A new start

Well. I'm sure you know what comes next. Yes, i got back to Hollywood, took another test, and was very much pregnant. I can't begin to explain the emotions I felt when I saw it instantly show positive, I'm pretty sure my friend heard me and knew before I even made it out of the bathroom. My thoughts were so erratic and just all over the place. What am I going to do!!?? This is what I asked myself over and over again. When I got the courage, I finally called my mom and told her the news. She didn't scold me or put me down. She just said it's up to me what I ever I choose to do. She would be there and love me. For the first time in my life, I decided to make the hardest decision in my life, and I chose to put myself aside , I moved home to live with my mom and have this baby. I knew that the father was probably not ready either to deal with a baby, we weren't together, so I let him know what was going on, he had the choice to be in his life or not. June 24th 2009 I had my big boy, 8lbs 7oz and 22 inches. I called him my chunky monkey or my chipmunk. He had some big ole cheeks to hold them big lips into place. I wanted so badly to be better than I had been. I wanted to be the best mom to my baby boy. Unfortunately, I was not ready. I did the basics, feed, clean, teach, and love that comes with being a parent, but I could have been better. That's something I'll forever live with. All I can do is be better than before. Fast forward to 6 months, I met a guy that I didn't personally know, but I knew of, and was friends with a lot of the same people he was friends with. That was a rocky road, but when I looked back, taking things slow, it made me realize how special a relationship is supposed to be. After a good few months of hanging out, he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Before that, as friends who lived together, basically, he had been like a father figure to my son. I think he fell for my son before me. I think a year or two later, he wanted one of his own. That was the one and only time I "tried" to get pregnant. I was happy to see that positive this time! wasn't such a good time for me. I couldn't stand watching anyone get drunk. That really was my only stress through the pregnancy. January 6th, 2012 Bradley James Sonnier was born. 7lbs 11oz 21 inches. This time, I made sure to be awake when they cut me open. I wanted to remember holding my baby. My oldest , I woke up to someone else holding him. I just didn't like that. I wanted to experience that. At this point, we moved into this bigger house , but it wasn't in the best park of Lake Charles. My brother also lived with us. Having a toddler and a baby. While their dad went to school and work. So, having my brother help me out. However, it was rough, but I handled it. My poor Bradley. He was hard as an infant. Until about three months. After that, he was a joy. Once Their father graduated college, we moved to Chattanooga Tennessee. He was looking for instrumentation jobs. However, they were more into experience over a degree. My mom was living their, that being the reason we chose to go there to move. After I say 3 months, maybe? My mom got a job in Atlanta that paid more?! I can't be sure but I think that was why. Doesn't matter. Anyways, without finding much luck in Chattanooga and my mom moving to Atlanta, we had a choice to make whether we stay there, moved to Georgia, or go home. Remember back some chapters to me going to California a lot staying with my friend Crystal. She happened to be living in Fort Collins, Colorado, and my sister was on my fathers side. Happened to just start being able to get to talk to my dad and I. The last time we had seen her was as a baby. So she was reaching out and my amazing friend Crystal knew a guy that worked at some company that got Nick a job in (need to find the name) I don't remember doing what. We would bring him to work, or he'd take the car as me and the kids were staying with Crystal throughout this time. Apparently, some guy knew someone who was hiring for instrumentation. I'm Denver. He put a word in and got him an interview. So we went, he got hired. We had to find a place, but we were still living in hotels (Extended stays). We stayed in Aroura a couple of nights, I'm sure because I was looking up cheap but nice hotels. Then, I settled in Thorton Co., where the company was. Ground engineering he did. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed that job. He got to see more of Colorado. I love that place! Personally, I don't know anyone who doesn't love it. After a few months in Thornton, we finally a place in Denver. Almost all out furniture and everything else we got some thrift store. This one store had everything. I guess it's a good thing that it was thrift store things because we ended up having to go back to Lake Charles within two days. We left it all besides clothes and basics. Throughout our little bit of time their I was able to hang out with my sister Whitney, whom she had never seen but as a baby . So she doesn't remember. Me and Her are actually a lot. Traits of my father, of course.

It felt like I knew her forever. That was a great experience, and I love her like I love my sister Taylor. On my mother's side. Anyways, we went to Red Rocks amphitheater, which, it for me, was all a memorable memory. Colorado is so beautiful. We also visited Boulder and went on a hike. Tried to go to pikes peak, but a little halfway up was blocked for camping and exploring because of the possibility of fires. We tried. Anyways, it was all and all a great experience. However, going home was not such a great experience. I cried like a baby. The funny thing is I think that's when we conceived my daughter. Very unexpected child, we stayed in a hotel a few days and then got a place. Again, I hated being back home

Every time I'd leave. Some reason brings me back. Picture the eye roll emoji exclamation exclamation. Ha! It's kind of funny that this is being typed and / or said into a phone. Rather than typing or writing it myself. That's how I know, im getting up there in age, and I don't feel as if my inner self is 36. I'm told I don't look 36! I mean, I gotta give it to myself. I've worked hard to restore the damage drugs had done to my skin. A plus for effort!

That was off subject. This is how my mind works. What im saying is raw. As I it, I'm either saying, texting. Or writing my thoughts. My diary/biography sort of speaks.

Ok, let's get back to the rest of my 36 years of life.