Growth
992 Words
So here I am at this new private school where the lunches were actually way better than my elementary school, and the kids were nice. I think after 2 days I had made dear friends. I was happy I had been able to focus more on activities and being a cheerleader. Still, I was very much boy crazy, I remember my first crush was a senior. This school was k through 12th, and everyone knew about it, including him. Of course, it was just a crush, innocent. My thoughts, however, were not innocent. I wondered why my friends didn't think like I did. What was wrong with me? Here we are now in 7th grade, and I'm blossoming all over, I hated it. I didn't want to have boobs or a butt. I thought it made me fat. I wanted to be skinny and flat. I began to start throwing up food. It didn't last very long because I didn't like it, it didn't make me feel any skinnier and it was gross. I remember this guy in my grade had liked me, and he'd tell me that it's a good thing to have a butt and boobs. He didn't come off disrespectful or gross to me. He just wasn't that type of guy. At that school, all the guys in my grades were mostly just innocent boys, probably just starting to like girls as a girlfriend. Unfortunately, I was into someone else in my class. I think I had one boyfriend if you want to call it that. It maybe lasted a day or two. We think we know what love is at that age and boy, it's nothing like that. So now we're I'm 8th grade, I'm feeling more grown up and thought I knew it all. Throughout the beginning of the year, we had been practicing for compitentions for cheer. Now let me tell you that I stayed in touch with my friends from elementary school. I had gone to hang out with them often. It was very different from how we would hang out at my school. We'd go to boys' house's Swimming and just having fun. One day, my mom came to me and asked if I still wanted to go to the school where all my other friends were. Of course, I jumped on it. I had met a lot of the guys before switching schools. I had a boyfriend immediately. I remember that first day at the public school, everyone basically knew me and those who didn't wondered who the hell I was, one person impeticular had already had it out for me, apparently this was my boyfriends ex. I had never experienced hate and people disliking me. Luckily, I had friends who had my back. The last thing I wanted was a fight not long after starting that school. It didn't stop. The end of the year came, and the girl and I just had this yelling back and forth fight that I quickly just walked away from. I ended up breaking up with this guy, I thought there were so many cute guys, I don't want to be with anyone. Man, all the guys that I used to be friends with quickly turned on me for breaking up with him. I had never experienced people whispering about me and just being mean before. Instead of it making me cry, it just made me angry. My anger was starting to become worse and worse. How was high school going to be? Will they still be mean to me. In my mind, I wasn't wrong, but bros before hoes guess was still a thing. My former classmates had been mad at me for leaving the christian academy right before compitentions. That was the beginning of me acting before thinking anything through. I had made a lot more friends throughout my time in 8th grade at my public school than my private school. More of the girls had thoughts like I did, and I could be open about it.. however, the thoughts ended up turning into actions. I was a girl who had only pecked a guy to a girl who went all the way with a junior. It was also the first time I had gone to an older guys house and drank alcohol. My friend was a bit more experienced in those things than me, a part of me was thinking, I don't want to, but the other part was thinking just do it. That's exactly what I did. I had s*x for the first time as a freshman in high school. I only wish I'd of known what was to come afterward. I guess in my mind. Boys will like me if I do whatever they want. If I was skinny enough, I'd look good in whatever I wore. I wanted to stand out. I wanted to be noticed. However, the ways I chose to stand out are far different than now. Jumping now to 8th grade, cheerleading and boys was my concern. I wanted social life and didn't care much about my grades. (Man if we could go back in time.)The Warriors. That was the name of the basketball team at our school. While I was still going to a different school than. My friends from elementary. We still hung out. It was much different than the social gatherings we had at my school. I began to meet alot of people and guys from the school I was supposed to be attending with my elementary friends, I was getting a lot of attention from the guys. I thought it made me feel like maybe i am pretty, if all these guys wanted to talk to me. Come on, now we all know why middle school boys try and sweet talk girls.... remember, I'm probably in a c bra in 8th grade and had a booty. It wasn't the attention. My body was.
- Writer
